These words are not honeyed... no. They are quicksilver. Mercurial, fluid, intangible, reflective of your own image so that you don't really see what's within..... From the heat of my mind, to the burn of your gaze, they become an ethereal mist, lost adrift in the perceptual void between us, toxic and inspiring of madness. Even madness is relative, though. The words you read, or, that of this mist which your own mind pulls from this void, are inherently different from the words I am now writing in these moments perpetually passing, so that it leads me to ponder over the point of attempting to express who I am, seen solely from eyes that can only look outward from my own skull, but never inward from without - perceptions bound to my own being, seeing that which you do not, but not that which you do. These perceptions of ours, no matter how they are expressed, even with the utmost in honesty, seem as though they will forever be lost in the chaotic flux of the void between us, me and my reader... which is, apparently, you. (..and what is it that brings you here, anyway? What exactly is YOUR problem? ;-) )

So, then... who am I? The question which has been the torment of the thinker since the dawn of man. Yet, here, it is my task to provide you with an answer... an answer I'm not sure I have myself. It seems more a perpetual quest than an answer, really.... but does that tell you what you want to know of me? ("Holy shit this dude is crazy!" is not exactly the reaction I'm hoping for... ;-) ... potentially true though it may be - but aren't we all?)

I find it pointless to list the mundanities of my life, as these are the things most readily outdated by the constant flow of life's experience, though, certainly, it could be said that no small part of me - and all of us - is the interface between our innermost self and this outmost reality, perpetually bombarding us with sensory stimuli which we then process automatically, far beyond any control of ours, save, perhaps, just maybe, by some small measure of control we may exert in shaping our own perceptions - and, thus, from there, our interpretations. These mundanities are certainly neither the summation nor the defining essense of what I am.

Some things I've found true about myself: I am Chaos and a state of Flux - a dead man in every second past. Yet, remarkably consistent despite it. I am a work in progress... an operating system with applications, plug-ins, and code tweaking based on the needs of the user, which I am also, consistently trying to virus scan for viral cultural or ideological memes, social trojans, conflicting lines of code, etc. to rid myself of them. I am the artist and the medium, a constant work of my human expression, which can be meaningful or trivial, beautiful or ugly based on the eyes of the beholder. I am a Human, God's pet ape, existing somewhere between the purely animal and the purely divine. Maybe a completely amoral force of nature? I suppose that would be especially true upon total deconditioning/deculturation... I am a string of definitions and words - categorizations and labels for the sake of ease and simplicity of filing and the necessity of making my perpetual cognitive process into a functional world view that allows for an interface between that which internal and that which is external. I am an Illusion for the sake of keeping the judgmental at bay and staving off the consequences of the thoughts of little minds constrained adamantly by the chains of their own rigid, limited, and often petty and self-serving world views and, admittedly, the occasional advantage brought by toying with perceptions of the mundane minds of such sheep whose psyches are ruled by a skewed self centered take on cultural normatization and social proof, all thinly veiled over that which I can not deny and most don't want to acknowledge as a reality - in themselves. I am all of my vices and virtues... thoughts, ideas, and feelings. I am mind, body, heart, and soul.

Otherwise - I am an ever dying moment in time.

I have a history of being perceived as rebellious. I'm not certain that is totally true (though, nor is it totally false.) I'm independent, intelligent, confident, very inquisitive, and never one to blindly accept someone's word for anything or do as I'm told just because I'm told. I do things my own way. (I'm starting to make myself sound like a ferret. Or a tiger.... Think tiger.... not ferret. It has more sex appeal. Ahem.... anyway...)

I'm a total nerd and have no desire to recover... though I hide it fairly well. Big on intellectual conversation over wine (preferably Chianti or Merlot, not a big fan of the white wines I've had) or beer. I'm a psych major, with minors in metal health services and philosophy, and I plan to pursue a PhD in Clinical Psychology. I have my political opinions, try to stay somewhat informed, and am very spiritual (a student of many religions, a follower only of my own.) So I can talk about many things, and am an even better listener - sort of by necessity.... the career path, and all. It chose me, not the other way around.

Unquestionably, though - I Am.