One of the most obvious things about me when people see me is that I am a very artsy person. In both style and….just how I am. While, yes, I am a civil engineering major, I still have an extensive arts background and miss participating in the arts very much. They have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and, sometimes, I use them to communicate with others instead of words. As far as what arts I can do, here’s a list of what I’ve done in my meager 21 years of being alive on this planet we call home:
• The biggest is music in general. I’ve been reading sheet music my entire life almost and have been singing for almost as long. I also play some piano, handbells, and steel drums. Music = life for me…going without my headphones and iPod is torture because I’ll just have songs playing in my head anyway, but only bits and pieces.
• The next biggest, and one that I miss, is dancing. I started dancing when I was three years old and danced all the way to the beginning of my senior year in high school (with the exception of one year/summer that I took off to try my hand at rhythmic gymnastics). All totaled up, I practiced ballet and tap for 14 years, jazz for 10 years (not allowed to start until you’re 7 years old), pointe for 4 years, modern and lyrical and improvisation (known as improv) for 3 years, random little bits and pieces of random multi-cultural dances (like Chinese ribbon dancing and hoedowns-otherwise known as line dancing), and Irish step dancing for a summer. I say that I have “experience” in all of these, and that’s true, but it’s been over four years since I was last in a formal dance class and for some of these forms it’s been more than that, so I don’t necessarily remember it all. However, if shown the steps again, muscle memory would likely kick in.
• The next is visual arts. I still doodle and draw for classes (structures and such), but I never really got the hang of anything that is actually alive (like people and plants). However, most of the stuff I do is abstract. I dabble in painting, but mostly I stick to colored pencils, markers, and crayons (go arts supplies!!)
• The last is poetry. Everyone is taught how to do it in high school English class, but I still use it sometimes to either get feelings that have been bottled up out or to tell someone something that I can’t articulate when I am talking to them face-to-face.
The next thing people notice about me is…*drum roll* I’m a nerd. I’m a musical/music nerd, a math nerd, a video games nerd (sort of…though that’s really just with certain games), a book worm/nerd, and just overall nerdy. I like knowing things, and if you can’t hold an intelligent conversation? Prepare to be outmatched. Yes, I don’t make ANY sense sometimes and definitely am a spacy, ditzy, daydreamer, but I like having deep conversations that mean something because then I know who I’m talking to has a brain in their head. I don’t care much about looks in a guy, but if you don’t have a brain then you don’t have a chance because I tend not to like superficial, it’s-all-about-the-physical-and-what-is-on-the-surface guys/people in general. Yes, the physical is important on some level, but I don’t go for the pretty package that doesn't have any substance underneath.
Which leads me to random factoid number three: I am both a lives-in-their-head and a physical person. And, no, I don’t mean physical sexually. I mean just communicating with a hug, cuddling (platonic), snuggling (again platonic), rubbing someone’s back, giving head scritches (kind of like what you do with a cat when you scratch them behind the ear and on the head, but with a human instead). Once I get comfortable with a person, a lot of my physical barriers come down. It’s common to see me curled up at a friend’s feet while they sit in a chair with my head on their lap or to see me arm-in-arm, arms around the waist, even hand-in-hand with a friend. It’s a physical and emotional connection for me, a way to say “hey, I care about you” without actually saying it out loud. At the same time, it is also common to see me looking off at nothing, completely absorbed in whatever is in my head at that moment. When I’m first around a group of new people, I will literally curl up into a corner and basically become a pair of eyes in the wall. I see and I listen and I absorb, but I don’t participate much in the social bit that’s going on. I try to get a read on everybody there first. If I feel I can trust them, I’ll open up to them…if not? I’ll close myself off. I won’t be mean or rude; I just won’t let all of my “masks” or “guards” down. I've been kicked in the rear by life before for trusting someone I shouldn't, so I’m careful now. Careful and introverted...I may have been the extroverted, introduce my entire family to whatever poor soul is on the elevator with us, rambunctious, babbling little kid when I was little, but I'm not anymore. Instead, I'm extremely careful about who I let in too far. I'm introverted...and, as much as this seems like a big rambling of thoughts on myself, this actually took a lot longer than I thought it would to write because I kept second guessing myself every two words or so.
The last random rambling factoid I’m going to give away for free is that while I have a brain and am a true nerd I am not necessarily always a logical person. If my heart and my head are at war, my heart wins…every time. I’m quite literally driven by my feelings and intuition which makes sense since I’m an INFP personality type. I’ll trust what I intuitively sense or feel about a situation/person/whatever more than a fact that I read or hear or find. It’s a fault and a virtue because I have made bad judgment calls before. I try to see the good in people all the time, I like to believe in it because I believe people have an immense capacity to be good it just doesn't always happen. On the flip side, once you have broken my trust or I am forced or see more bad than good in you, it is really hard to win me back over to your side. My default is kind, so I’ll never be mean to you unless you seriously piss me off and I won’t stop believing that you could be better, but you won’t get far into my circle of friends.
I have one clarification to make before I wrap this really long piece of text up, and it's about my sexual orientation. OkCupid doesn't have the option to let me put down demisexual, but that is what I am. If you don't know what demisexual is, then you can ask me about it or you can google it.
That's all I have to say on me. Message me if you will, but don't be a creeper, I'm tired of that type of person.
“Trust someone who can see these three things in you: the sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence.”