I will allow myself the dubious luxury of assuming that you are human, given that you have eyes and a brain capable of interpreting natural language. In the event that you are an extra-terrestrial, please refer yourself to the nearest major municipal building for further information on how to get into contact with my planet's self-proclaimed leaders. And please, no particle accelerators or large explosions. Those tend to make us scatter.

Writing is a fantastic medium, because it allows even a mediocre person of sufficient patience and diligence to revise their stupidity into something resembling intelligence.

I think the fact that one does not understand something does not make that thing irrelevant.

I operate on the principle that every person is entitled to do whatever it is that pleases them most in life, and that they should actively pursue those pleasures so long as it does no harm to others.

I enjoy figuring out puzzles and people.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that this profile is not necessarily who I am, nor is your profile necessarily an accurate reflection of who you are. It is a glimpse of a moment. In order to better understand someone, you must talk to them. So what are you waiting for? Hit "message."

EDIT: A friend helpfully noted that my profile is tedious and sermonizing, so in the spirit of constructive criticism, I have added farm animal sounds at unspecified intervals.

Moo.

I am presently working in the video game industry.

In my spare time I Nerf, optomise the technology in my house, read, practice martial arts, experiment with cooking, play video games, and run Wiki-marathons...you know, when you check Wikipedia for something as a quick reference, and then end up spending four hours jumping from link to link learning new things because you're an inhuman information sponge.

Philosophically I am strongly hedonistic, so I always seek the highest form of gratification in whatever I pursue. If I'm not having fun, I don't do it: plain and simple.

I have found that people are more deftly defined by what they are bad at rather than what they are good at. Here, then, is a list of my most significant and obvious shortcomings:

Lying. Lying by omission. Standing by quiescent while lies are being told.

Empathizing with people who aren't in my monkeysphere.

Small talk.

Doing math in my head.

Maintaining interest in one thing for a long period of time.

Interpreting sarcasm.

Shutting up once I begin ranting.

Brain bookmarking: picking up where I left off after an unexpected interruption.

Letting my friends enjoy something for its own sake without producing an itemized analysis.

That I am a calculating, unemotional, self-righteous, arrogant, and that I look like Penn Jillette.

On rare occasions, I break into random spasms of elation; these spasms often include, but are not necessarily limited to, the following: trespassing on public comfort zones with politically incorrect statements spoken at full volume, singing, ambulating in an unusual fashion, and other mannerisms and behaviours inconsistent with herd mentality.

If asked for my insight or opinion, I always speak the truth, plainly and without malice - although my remarks are frequently (one might even say willfully) misinterpreted. I am both emphatic and guileless, and that tends to put off people who aren't prepared for it. A very close friend once said that I "give a bitter coating to sugar pills."

I'm basically introverted and crudely warm to the people I have allowed to get close to me. To put it another way, I'm the kind of guy who is "rude to his friends and nice to the waiter." If I'm teasing you, it means I'm being friendly.

(VIDEO GAMES) Earthbound, TimeSplitters series, Rock Band series, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory & Double Agent, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Chrono Trigger, Portal, Zombies Ate My Neighbours, Day of the Tentacle, Crusader: No Remorse, Fallout series, Street Fighter II Turbo, Ikaruga, Time Crisis 3, Left 4 Dead, Grand Theft Auto series, Resident Evil 4, Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4

(BOOKS) Catch-22, Slaughterhouse Five, Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, Animal Farm, Brave New World, The Remains of the Day, The Organ Grinders, The Prince, Moby Dick, The Art of War, Catcher in the Rye, White Noise, The Sirens of Titan, Neuromancer, Snow Crash; (AUTHORS) Kurt Vonnegut, Ursula K. Leguin, Douglas Adams, Richard Dawkins, A.S. Neill, Issac Asimov, Carl Sagan, Richard Feynman, Neil Stephenson, William Gibson

(MOVIES) V for Vendetta, Heat, Brick, Stranger Than Fiction, The Green Butchers, American Beauty, Annie Hall, The Prestige, Do The Right Thing, Inside Man, The Thirteenth Warrior, The Way of the Gun, The Beast, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, old kung-fu films...I love too many movies to truly begin naming them all here. House, M.D. is another personal favourite. I have a very special love of the series Firefly.

(MUSIC) Rock 'n' roll, blues, jazz, big band, and classical music are my main musical diet, but I enjoy anything with a thoughtful melody or message. My favourites are in the vein of Rush, Led Zeppelin, Heart, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, Miles Davis, Dave Brubeck, Graeme Norgate, Queen, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Peter Gabriel, Yngwie Malmsteen, Stratovarius, and Joe Satriani.

(FOODS) My general rule is that I won't eat at a restaurant if I can cook the food better than they can. I tend to favour Cantonese, Thai, Indian, Italian and Lebanese, but I am always interested in trying new foods.

Oink, oink.

A computer with high-speed internet access

Video games

Good reading material

Music

Sex

Good company

The ability to deviate from guidelines

Quack.

Whether or not our modern precepts of "energy" are just manifestations of the obsolete phlogiston theory.

Neutron star phenomenon, black hole radiation, and what happens to information upon crossing an event horizon.

Infectious diseases, physiology, and anatomy.

Coriolis deflection, and other frames of reference.

How it is that memories are laid down in the brain.

Logical fallacies, and why, even when aware, people still succumb to them.

How to make a video game better.

...doing whatever I happen to feel like doing, which can be just about anything.

I have a particular fascination with watching women eat corn dogs.

Cock-a-doodle-doo.

...you like movies, video games, science fiction, and intelligent conversation, and are interested in joining me and my inner circle in our semi-regular weekend gatherings.

...you are not under the delusion that you can feed starving Nigerian children just because you know how to balance a checkbook.

...your profile does not say "I like to have fun."

...you want to.

And women please note: if you plan on playing hard to get or trying to get me to chase you by being elusive, you're going to be in for a disappointment. I'm not full of myself, but I will not waste my time on any woman who is so full of herself that she can't be bothered to show some genuine interest and hold up her end of the pursuit of a relationship.

Show a guy you care. That's the whole point.