I've often been told that my ideas, perspectives, philosophy, and point of view on how I see the world around me is out of the ordinary or too far out of touch with the world for anyone to accept me or my beliefs concerning the greater good. It really takes a soul with a heart of gold, to be apart of me and to help me achieve my life's mission.
I sometimes see myself as a legendary knight in shining armor, who has a service to provide to women, children, animals, and nature. I live my life according to a code of Chivalry, consisting of several virtues from the traditional knightly virtues of folklore to personal moral and ethical virtues in service to both humanity and nature.
I love women, both physically and spiritually. Which in a sense makes me very much a womanizer but in a romantic way, since I've never shared a bed with anyone before in my life. Though the thought of it has been very much in my fantasies!
With such high regards towards women, as apart of my knightly virtues, my duty to the woman I love is "courtly love." The belief that I am to serve my beloved, and after her all other women with a general gentleness and graciousness.
Generally, I'm a very kind, loving, honest, loyal, polite, respectful, noble, and sensitive individual who's kindness is often taken for granted and advantage of. Due to my unique and genuine nature I have lived my life without any friends or close relationships, which as a human being I long to have. I long to have the love and adoration of friends, family, and women. I have never been in an intimate relationship, and am unsure as to whether or not it has anything to do with me being "unattractive." I know I have lived a somewhat isolated life so that may have a lot more to do with it than my looks. I also am unable to find trustworthy and reliable individuals in my area; I've given many people chances and it's gotten me nowhere thus far, so sadly I feel that no one is worth my time.
I know I am not perfect and even though I have several positive characteristics and virtues, even though my heart is true and good, I still have my flaws which can hinder me a great deal. I most often become very angry when someone I've relied on doesn't come through and keep their word. I can also become very sad and depressed for personal reasons and reasons concerning the realities of the world.
I would like to make friends and meet new people that are like minded, who would embrace my spiritual beliefs and ideals for working towards making a positive change in the world. I would like to have for the first time in my life close friendships.
As for intimate relationships, though I acknowledge that I crave them but to tell the honest truth, I fear that I have nothing to offer, or at least not much. We are living in difficult times and I along with my grandparents whom I live with are barely getting by. I am a full time student at a small community college who still striving to decide what it is I want to do with my life. It's difficult to determine when you have only one decision, and me being a natural "Jack of all trades master of none" doesn't make it any easier!
I feel as though I am an individual with a lot of disadvantages, too many to get into, but I'm doing what I can to better my situation. Though, it will take time since I can only relie on myself. I am hoping on relocating to Portland Oregon soon, since there is no work here in this small town in which I live, and from what I understand no work there either but better there than here.
When it comes to what kind of woman I am searching for, I am searching for my "Soulmate" someone who will love me regardless of where I am right now in my life, and who will help and advise me to better it so that I may unlock my full potential. I desire a woman who I will be attracted to both physically and spiritually though she must stand out amongst all women through her love, sincerity, and loyalty. She must be loving, compassionate, empathetic, romantic, loyal, honest, and virtuous. She should be open to receiving my spirituality and assist in helping me change the world for the better. She must be a strong woman, noble at heart, beautiful spiritually as well as physically. She must be strong enough to face the challenges and turmoils we may face along our paths, and not turn from my side and leave me to suffer alone. She should be affectionate as she is passionate in bed. She should be supportive of me achieving my dreams and lifelong goals, and should treat me like royalty and spoil me with gifts of love and affection, as well as material possessions just as I would do for her. In so many words I seek the love of my life and am hoping that I find her someday.