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50 Seattle, WA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 40–55
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 6:07pm
6' 2" (1.88m)
Body Type
Not at all
Other and laughing about it
Dropped out of University
Might want kids
Has cats
English (Fluently), French (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
“It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.” – Oscar Wilde

Okay, I am *this close* to having too good a time in life to be here on OKC, but, you know—it’s free, I can ignore it as much as I like and there’s always that *chance* the right person will be browsing…

We’ve been doing this for years now, you and I, haven’t we? And what has it gotten us? In ten years, it’s gotten me two girlfriends, a half dozen near misses, and one long term friend whom I just saw yesterday and she told me, “Whenever I’m feeling really sad, or I’ve done something truly stupid, I remember how much you love me,” which felt really good to hear. Is that a good average? Does it mean I’m lucky?

I’ve also had countless weird-ass so-called dates. I’ve learned that most of what people list as their “interests” are wholly uninteresting to them in person. That for all the lists of characteristics folks say they’re looking for, the deciding factors are rarely, if ever, written down.

Which is not to say that everyone’s deceitful and nobody knows themselves. Only that this method of selecting a mate (laundry lists, selfies, and catch phraseology) is not really how most of us naturally go about it. It’s a ginormous compromise. Often yielding sketchy results.

So, I want you to know I’m mainly looking for love offline these days. Friends of friends and social connections. The old fashioned way. It feels luckier doing it that way. It feels saner.

When I first saw my friend’s ad (the friend I quoted just now) five years ago, I considered meeting her a “no-brainer.” She called herself a “shamanic practitioner,” she played the flute, she seemed like a serious person without being *too* serious, and other characteristics that recommended her to me, but, really, it was just looking at her picture that made contacting her a “no-brainer.” Not because of her looks at all. It was just a feeling I had, a thought that popped into my head: “I’m obviously gonna meet this person.” It was a matter of pure intuition, and my intuition has *never* steered me wrong.

In fact, when I’ve gotten a strong intuitive take from someone’s profile online, I’ve done very well. Problems arise when I *don’t* have a strong intuitive reaction. You know, for weeks at a time. When profile after profile sparks nothing. I seem to grow weary of all the little silent “no’s” piling up and suddenly I’m thinking a lot of “maybe.” Maybe’s are the worst, don’tcha think?

It’s like the coffee date. The most noncommittal, it’s-prolly-not-gonna-work-out-anyway-so-why-bother kind of encounter. Let’s have dinner at least. Let’s be just a tiny bit optimistic.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Loving people. No joke. The longer I live, the plainer as day it becomes that most people are in tremendous need of loving attention. Just someone to hold their hand and listen. And no matter where I am or what I’m doing, love is what’s needed most.

I’m heavily involved with the ecstatic dance community here in Seattle. Go dancing at least twice a week most weeks. I also facilitate workshops, and hope to be doing more of that this year.

And, there’s the novel. Been working on it for over three years now when I get the time and I’m still excited about it! It takes place in 2109, right here in Seattle (though Seattle has sunken under water and the Sound has become engulfed by the Salish Sea). I’d love to tell you all about it if you’re interested.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Loving. Refraining from judgment. Recognizing that who's right and who's wrong is simply irrelevant. Putting my thoughts into words. Putting my feelings into words. Sometimes putting other people's thoughts into words (spooky!). Telling a good story. Seeing things from another person's point of view. Nurturing and supporting other people's artistic expression (I'm a pretty intensely nurturing person in general). Remaining calm when need be. I'm great with children, animals, dying people and total strangers. My hugs are sought-after. I listen easily. And I'm generous with what I have, particularly my time. I have a good singing voice and will put it to use at the slightest provocation.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am who I claim to be. I'm not all up in my head. They might notice me being funny pretty quick. I'm one of these people who tends to put others at ease. People confide in me like crazy, y'know, total strangers and such. I'm generally a good person to have around.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I just read "Tonto and the Lone Ranger Fist Fight in Heaven" by Sherman Alexie for the first time and liked it a whole lot more than I ever expected. I could totally hang with Sherman, he makes a lot of sense to me. I love Raymond Chandler's novels. Sorry that more folks don't know his work outside of the movies and terrible knock-offs like Mickey Spillain. Just rewatched "Minority Report"--awesome movie (even with Tom Cruise in the lead). We should talk about all this stuff. Speaking of Spielberg, I thought "A.I." was criminally underrated.

But who doesn't like lists??? In no particular order, all 5 out of 5 stars...

Books: Farewell My Lovely, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, Hard Times, The Invisible Man, The Handmaid's Tale, Tehanu, Lullaby, The Windup Girl, The Drama of the Gifted Child, 13 Things That Don't Make Sense, The Road, The Hunger Games, Things Fall Apart, The Mothman Prophecies, Stranger in a Strange Land, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, His Dark Materials, the list goes on...

Movies: Children of Men, The Good, the Bad & the Ugly, The Big Lebowski, The Lake House, The Matrix Trilogy (all of 'em), Punch Drunk Love, Popeye, The Long Goodbye (Altman), Dirty Pretty Things, House of Flying Daggers, Fight Club, Princess Mononoke, Jungle Fever, Extract, Chinatown, Dead Man Walking, In Bruges, Rushmore, Restrepo, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Tangled, The Constant Gardener, Hereafter, Singin' in the Rain, District 9, Hamlet 2, and the list goes on...

T.V.: The Office (British version, please), Rescue Me, Fringe (first two seasons for sure), Game of Thrones, Jericho, Firefly, In Treatment, Lie to Me, Awake, Downton Abbey, Terriers, Teen Wolf (seriously, it was worth my time), Better Off Ted and the list does not go on much longer than that...

Music: Debussy, Tchaikovsky, Crowded House, Sara Bareilles, Tim Buckley, The Killers, Kimbra, Beck, Ennio Morricone, Radiohead, Kate Bush, Outcast, Roy Orbison, Eminem, Tracy Chapman, Bjork, Nirvana, Muse, Billie Holiday, there are a ton more but my brain has had enough of lists for the moment...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
What is it with dating websites and this question? It's not the cleverest/most inspiring question, right? "Food, shelter, my phone...blah blah blah." This isn't about what I can never do without--I've got a handle on those things. It's about what I don't got but what I want! I want to have a crazy-wonderful sex life with my life partner (life partner, girl friend, s.o., why do the terms we use to describe our favorite person in the world suck so bad??? Is it because such relationships are inherently problematic? Why must we constantly be defining and naming and pigeonholing everything with which we come into contact? Maybe we shouldn't be able to sum up our most important relationships in one lifeless phrase)! I want to wake up next to her and not know what we're gonna do with our day, but know that whatever it is, it's gonna be amazing! Not every day, of course, just, you know, often enough to be a "thing." I want to travel out into the nonhuman world with her on a regular basis (trail running, hiking, kayaking, camping, and such). I want to go on long night walks with her. I want to share space while we're both busy doing otherwise separate stuff. I want to listen to the quiet, random half-voiced noises she makes apropos of some thought she just had and ask her what's up and have an amazing conversation ensue. Anyway, you get the idea.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The way the world works. The way the Universe works. Been thinking about OKCupid and whether it's time to just, y'know, pull the plug already! lol The better my life gets, the more OKC seems superfluous and backwards. Everyone I've ever fallen in love with or even asked out on a date has been someone I saw, y'know, moving and talking. Hearing a woman's voice can sometimes seal the deal right there. Unfortunately, none of that is available on OKC so we're all stuck guessing. Or, you're one of these people with a laundry list and I've learned that I don't do well with them. It all too often ends up looking like vigilance, y'know? Like they can't just *feel* their way into a connection with somebody. They can't trust me and they can't trust themselves. Ouch. I say all this not to discourage anyone, but in hopes that you maybe have been feeling the same way and we can at least commiserate on that awkward first date! :)

And of course, for the past three years, I’m kinda always thinking about the novel. Whenever I get serious about a project, the entire world starts to talk to me about it. Random news items, conversations overheard on the bus, the plots of every movie/book/song I see/read/hear--everything starts kibitzing and it's all I can do to keep up.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fridays are generally pretty quiet around my house. Except, y’know, when they’re not. I'd love to go out dancing or to karaoke, or to see a play or a movie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ekhart Tolle bothers me. More and more each day. Not his ideas, they're fine, they're awfully straight forward and correct as far it goes. But he personally troubles me. His body language, his general demeanor. He reads as depressed to me and he shouldn't, right? I mean, I see His Holiness the Dalai Lama and I could listen to him all day. I love his laugh and love his focus and deep, hilarious seriousness. But Ekhart leaves me cold.

I secretly hate small talk. I can do it and not without flair, but every minute of it I'd rather be talking turkey. Life's too short! In the interest of full disclosure, I’d actually love to not even have to talk, just do everything in pantomime. Silence can be blissful. One of the great things about ecstatic dance is that you can get to know people on the dance floor over the course of, y'know, months without hearing a single opinion of theirs. All this stuff we think, none of it matters near as much as we suppose.

I don't hate the folks over on the far right of the political spectrum, but I feel terribly sorry for them, which is prolly just as bad. I used to have dreams where I was sitting with George W. Bush in his kitchen late at night, talking about the things that hurt him the most. I felt horrible in these dreams. He was so dispirited, so lost. I could never help him.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
"Woo-woo" is not a pejorative in your book.

You have the lyrics to at least one Air Supply song memorized.

You converse with animals.

You're freakishly kind and high spirited.

If you can use the word "telepaphone" in a sentence.

I would particularly encourage you to contact me if you'd like to but you're afraid I wouldn't be interested. Particularly if you gave an "unacceptable answer" to some question I answered. When I first signed on I had very few "unacceptables." Aside from the obvious homophobia and racism and arch-conservative stuff, I wasn't gonna rule anyone out based on a mere opinion or habit. But practically speaking that tended to get me 90% compatibility with every politically left woman on here. So I added some "unacceptables" and increased the importance of a bunch of questions to make my searches more...eventful. So, anyways, what I'm saying is: "unacceptable" is a relative term. :)

Oh, and another thing about the questions: a lot of 'em act as if I should have some prefab notion of what our relationship is gonna look like--how much sex we're gonna have per week and what other ruts I'd like us to get into. If there were a "I don't know and I'm willing to see what happens" choice, I'd be answering a good 85% of the questions thataway. Just sayin'.

One last thing: I promise not to be a freak about any of this. I'm not here to do all the crap we've all heard about (or, sadly, experienced) that men do on these sites. I'm not here to mooch off of you, or get ya in the sack asap; I won't be sending you any surprise anatomical photos or giving you strange first date gifts of hotel bath soaps packaged in a used Koolwhip container (this was a true story I heard--punchline: he was a cop). I'll be decent and pleasant--if I say "fuck" on our first date I'll notice and prolly make my best "'scuse me" face, and if we're feeling flirty I'll give it my best shot. Best of luck to you and may we all find what we're looking for--or be pleasantly surprised when we don't!