Okay, I am *this close* to having too good a time in life to be here on OKC, but, you know—it’s free, I can ignore it as much as I like and there’s always that *chance* the right person will be browsing…
We’ve been doing this for years now, you and I, haven’t we? And what has it gotten us? In ten years, it’s gotten me two girlfriends, a half dozen near misses, and one long term friend whom I just saw yesterday and she told me, “Whenever I’m feeling really sad, or I’ve done something truly stupid, I remember how much you love me,” which felt really good to hear. Is that a good average? Does it mean I’m lucky?
I’ve also had countless weird-ass so-called dates. I’ve learned that most of what people list as their “interests” are wholly uninteresting to them in person. That for all the lists of characteristics folks say they’re looking for, the deciding factors are rarely, if ever, written down.
Which is not to say that everyone’s deceitful and nobody knows themselves. Only that this method of selecting a mate (laundry lists, selfies, and catch phraseology) is not really how most of us naturally go about it. It’s a ginormous compromise. Often yielding sketchy results.
So, I want you to know I’m mainly looking for love offline these days. Friends of friends and social connections. The old fashioned way. It feels luckier doing it that way. It feels saner.
When I first saw my friend’s ad (the friend I quoted just now) five years ago, I considered meeting her a “no-brainer.” She called herself a “shamanic practitioner,” she played the flute, she seemed like a serious person without being *too* serious, and other characteristics that recommended her to me, but, really, it was just looking at her picture that made contacting her a “no-brainer.” Not because of her looks at all. It was just a feeling I had, a thought that popped into my head: “I’m obviously gonna meet this person.” It was a matter of pure intuition, and my intuition has *never* steered me wrong.
In fact, when I’ve gotten a strong intuitive take from someone’s profile online, I’ve done very well. Problems arise when I *don’t* have a strong intuitive reaction. You know, for weeks at a time. When profile after profile sparks nothing. I seem to grow weary of all the little silent “no’s” piling up and suddenly I’m thinking a lot of “maybe.” Maybe’s are the worst, don’tcha think?
It’s like the coffee date. The most noncommittal, it’s-prolly-not-gonna-work-out-anyway-so-why-bother kind of encounter. Let’s have dinner at least. Let’s be just a tiny bit optimistic.