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50 Seattle, WA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 40–55
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 8:07am
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Not at all
Other, and laughing about it
Dropped out of university
Art / Music / Writing
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Recovering lonely intellectual deeply in love with life. Not that cloying puppyish kind of love where you give each other pet names and whisper to each other in front of everybody to make them jealous. I mean that renewing your vows kind of love, warts & all, What did I do to deserve such happiness? kind of love. Not because I have the dream job (though it does have awesome benefits). And not because my friends are the coolest friends ever (they're pretty lovely people, just, y'know, "ever" has yet to be fully explored). I love my life because life itself just keeps leaving me speechless with gratitude and admiration. The other night I was running up the mile of hill to my house from the train station in the dark and icy cold and it was astonishingly beautiful. It felt just so good to be alive. To be. I've come to really appreciate life's inconveniences, like having to run a mile uphill in the rain just to get home. I think too much convenience is actually harmful. I enjoy detours and sudden changes in plan. Delayed gratification is some of the best gratification there is. I guess you could say I’m easy to please. :)

I love people. I’m delighted to meet new people and I love my friends dearly. I tend to smile at the children I meet--but I also smile at the adults, animals, flowers and trees, and assorted weather conditions. Which is not to say that I’m some huge extrovert. I’m not. At least not with humans. ;) I’m often content to sit quietly at the party and observe. Sometimes people at a party seem to exist in an alternate universe that I'm glimpsing from my own. And sometimes I feel suddenly inspired and I have to say my goodbyes and leave.

That inspiration could simply be to think in solitude. Or it could be to write or to paint or to sing my heart out under the stars. I’ve been obsessed with art my whole life. I’ve worked in the theatre, sung opera, was in a jazz trio for about five minutes (musicians...), painted portraits and murals, made puppets, written and illustrated comics, played French horn in the symphony. I long ago accepted the reality that being a professional artist can be a lot like being a professional lottery winner. And sometimes I do win, but mostly I've relied on day jobs of one kind or another.

I’m not the kind of guy who’s gonna take a year before he says “I love you” to his girlfriend. I don’t tend to hang out with people whom I don’t love. On the other hand, if I hang out with a person long enough, I’ll prolly find something to love about them.

It’s so sad to me when folks break up and can’t stand each other all of a sudden, when a week ago they were “best friends.” I don’t think real best friends works that way. Two of my real best friends are ex-girlfriends. I’ve known them for quite a few years now and expect we’ll be close for the rest of my life.

I don’t believe there is such a thing as “meaningless sex.” That’s like a “meaningless” sunset or a “meaningless” conversation. It diminishes us to think that way.

I believe love is something we get better at with practice. To me that means loving first and asking questions later.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
These days I’m putting a lot of myself into building and nurturing community and connection (which is kind of a fancy way of saying I'm making lots of new friends lol); doing what I can to remedy this epidemic of mass, impersonal, dehumanized culture that surrounds us. Practicing loving kindness. Starting with authentic connection and seeing where that leads instead of leading with expectations. I live with two close friends and their 4 year old son, doing my best impersonation of a village. I’m active in the ecstatic dance and shamanic communities.

I’m writing a science fiction novel. I’ve been working on it for a couple years now and I’m still excited. It’s my first full-fledged novel, so I’m kinda teaching myself how as I go (writing a novel is *bizarre*--I absolutely recommend it to everyone). It’s all kinds of serious and dystopian in what I hope is a “lived in” real world sort of way. It's really about what the next step in human evolution might look like. I'm enormously hopeful for our species and the book reflects that, you know, at the end. But in the meantime, things get really pretty grim. I’d be more than happy to talk your ear off about it. Anyway...and I finished a mural last summer of which I’m terribly proud.

And I'm doing more painting and sculpting than I have in years.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Loving. Refraining from judgment. Recognizing that who's right and who's wrong is simply irrelevant. Putting my thoughts into words. Putting my feelings into words. Sometimes putting other people's thoughts into words (spooky!). Telling a good story. Seeing things from another person's point of view. Nurturing and supporting other people's artistic expression. I'm a pretty intensely nurturing person in general. Remaining calm when need be. I'm great with children, animals, dying people and total strangers. My hugs are sought-after. I listen easily. And I'm generous with what I have, particularly my time. I have a good singing voice and will put it to use at the slightest provocation.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am who I claim to be. I'm not all up in my head. They might notice me being funny pretty quick. I'm one of these people who tends to put others at ease. People confide in me like crazy, y'know, total strangers and such. I'm generally a good person to have around.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I used to have these, but now I'm just so focused on what I've just seen or just read that the whole hierarchical thing of "MY FAVORITEST" kinda doesn't mean much to me anymore. I just read "Tonto and the Lone Ranger Fist Fight in Heaven" by Sherman Alexie for the first time and liked it a whole lot more than I ever expected. I could totally hang with Sherman, he makes a lot of sense to me. I love Raymond Chandler's novels. Sorry that more folks don't know his work outside of the movies and terrible knock-offs like Mickey Spillain. Just rewatched "Minority Report"--awesome movie (even with Tom Cruise in the lead). We should talk about all this stuff. Speaking of Spielberg, I thought "A.I." was criminally underrated.

But who doesn't like lists??? In no particular order, all 5 out of 5 stars...

Books: Farewell My Lovely, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, Hard Times, The Invisible Man, The Handmaid's Tale, Tehanu, Lullaby, The Windup Girl, The Drama of the Gifted Child, 13 Things That Don't Make Sense, The Road, The Hunger Games, Things Fall Apart, The Mothman Prophecies, Stranger in a Strange Land, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, His Dark Materials, the list goes on...

Movies: Children of Men, The Good, the Bad & the Ugly, The Big Lebowski, The Lake House, The Matrix Trilogy (all of 'em), Punch Drunk Love, Popeye, The Long Goodbye (Altman), Dirty Pretty Things, House of Flying Daggers, Fight Club, Princess Mononoke, Jungle Fever, Extract, Chinatown, Dead Man Walking, In Bruges, Rushmore, Restrepo, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Tangled, The Constant Gardener, Hereafter, Singin' in the Rain, District 9, Hamlet 2, and the list goes on...

T.V.: The Office (British version, please), Rescue Me, Fringe (first two seasons for sure), Game of Thrones, Jericho, Firefly, In Treatment, Lie to Me, Awake, Downton Abbey, Terriers, Teen Wolf (seriously, it was worth my time), Better Off Ted and the list does not go on much longer than that...

Music: Debussy, Tchaikovsky, Crowded House, Sara Bareilles, Tim Buckley, The Killers, Kimbra, Beck, Ennio Morricone, Radiohead, Kate Bush, Outcast, Roy Orbison, Eminem, Tracy Chapman, Bjork, Nirvana, Muse, Billie Holiday, there are a ton more but my brain has had enough of lists for the moment...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
What is it with dating websites and this question? It's not the cleverest/most inspiring question, right? "Food, shelter, my phone...blah blah blah." This isn't about what I can never do without--I've got a handle on those things. It's about what I don't got but what I want! I want to have a crazy-wonderful sex life with my life partner (life partner, girl friend, s.o., why do the terms we use to describe our favorite person in the world suck so bad??? Is it because such relationships are inherently problematic? Why must we constantly be defining and naming and pigeonholing everything with which we come into contact? Maybe we shouldn't be able to sum up our most important relationships in one lifeless phrase)! I want to wake up next to her and not know what we're gonna do with our day, but know that whatever it is, it's gonna be amazing! Not every day, of course, just, you know, often enough to be a "thing." I want to travel out into the nonhuman world with her on a regular basis (trail running, hiking, kayaking, camping, and such). I want to go on long night walks with her. I want to share space while we're both busy doing otherwise separate stuff. I want to listen to the quiet, random half-voiced noises she makes apropos of some thought she just had and ask her what's up and have an amazing conversation ensue. Anyway, you get the idea.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The way the world works. The way the Universe works. Been thinking about OKCupid and whether it's time to just, y'know, pull the plug already! lol The better my life gets, the more OKC seems superfluous and backwards. Everyone I've ever fallen in love with or even asked out on a date has been someone I saw, y'know, moving and talking. Hearing a woman's voice can sometimes seal the deal right there. Unfortunately, none of that is available on OKC so we're all stuck guessing. Or, you're one of these people with a laundry list and I've learned that I don't do well with them. It all too often ends up looking like vigilance, y'know? Like they can't just *feel* their way into a connection with somebody. They can't trust me and they can't trust themselves. Ouch. I say all this not to discourage anyone, but in hopes that you maybe have been feeling the same way and we can at least commiserate on that awkward first date! :)

And of course, for the past two years, I’m kinda always thinking about the novel. Whenever I get serious about a project, the entire world starts to talk to me about it. Random news items, conversations overheard on the bus, the plots of every movie/book/song I see/read/hear--everything starts kibitzing and it's all I can do to keep up.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fridays are generally pretty quiet around my house. Except, y’know, when they’re not. I just moved to a new place in October (with my friends and their little one) and it can take me quite a while to settle in. So Fridays are a great day to focus on settling in. But I'd love to go out dancing or to karaoke, or to see a play or a movie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ekhart Tolle bothers me. More and more each day. Not his ideas, they're fine, they're awfully straight forward and correct as far it goes. But he personally troubles me. His body language, his general demeanor. He reads as depressed to me and he shouldn't, right? I mean, I see His Holiness the Dalai Lama and I could listen to him all day. I love his laugh and love his focus and deep, hilarious seriousness. But Ekhart leaves me cold.

I secretly hate small talk. I can do it and not without flair, but every minute of it I'd rather be talking turkey. Life's too short! In the interest of full disclosure, I’d actually love to not even have to talk, just do everything in pantomime. Silence can be blissful. One of the great things about ecstatic dance is that you can get to know people on the dance floor over the course of, y'know, months without hearing a single opinion of theirs. All this stuff we think, none of it matters near as much as we suppose.

I don't hate the folks over on the far right of the political spectrum, but I feel terribly sorry for them, which is prolly just as bad. I used to have dreams where I was sitting with George W. Bush in his kitchen late at night, talking about the things that hurt him the most. I felt horrible in these dreams. He was so dispirited, so lost. I could never help him.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Allow me to take this opportunity to put in a word for personal sovereignty. I don't have a lot of should's for people. I'm kind of against 'em. So a lot of OKC's questions I can't bring myself to answer 'cause they're all about me telling a lot of strangers what they should be doing with themselves. It's none of my business. Doesn't mean I don't believe some thing's are better than others, or that some things aren't flat out bad, but I try to address these issues on a case by case basis and not push a one-size-fits-all rule on anybody. So should you message me? I'll take your lead on that one. :)

That said, I would particularly encourage you to contact me if you'd like to but you're afraid I wouldn't be interested. Particularly if you gave an "unacceptable answer" to some question I answered. When I first signed on I had very few "unacceptables." Aside from the obvious homophobia and racism and arch-conservative stuff, I wasn't gonna rule anyone out based on a mere opinion or habit. But practically speaking that tended to get me 90% compatibility with every politically left woman on here. So I added some "unacceptables" and increased the importance of a bunch of questions to make my searches more...eventful. So, anyways, what I'm saying is: "unacceptable" is a relative term. :)

Oh, and another thing about the questions: a lot of 'em act as if I should have some prefab notion of what our relationship is gonna look like--how much sex we're gonna have per week and what other ruts I'd like us to get into. If there were a "I don't know and I'm willing to see what happens" choice, I'd be answering a good 85% of the questions thataway. Just sayin'.

One last thing: I promise not to be a freak about any of this. I'm not here to do all the crap we've all heard about (or, sadly, experienced) that men do on these sites. I'm not here to mooch off of you, or get ya in the sack asap; I won't be sending you any surprise anatomical photos or giving you strange first date gifts of hotel bath soaps packaged in a used Koolwhip container (this was a true story I heard--punchline: he was a cop). I'll be decent and pleasant--if I say "fuck" on our first date I'll notice and prolly make my best "'scuse me" face, and if we're feeling flirty I'll give it my best shot. Best of luck to you and may we all find what we're looking for--or be pleasantly surprised when we don't!