Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

BabySecrets

30 Mesa, AZ Woman

Woman

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 35–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 3:48am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
Middle Eastern, White
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Jacked
Diet
Strictly vegan
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Sagittarius, and it matters a lot
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Sales / Marketing
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), Sign Language (Poorly), Latin (Poorly), French (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
(Boobs? It's a trap!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------Step Right Up-------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do not climb this wall if you crack easily.

________________________________________________________________

If you're searching for that one-of-a-kind gift for your special someone, look no further. Here at Fitting In with the Sinners, Incorporated, we pride ourselves on offering the very best paralyzing mental intercourse in the biz. We have everything you need to fail successfully.

Remember, folks: Torture comes in all shapes and sizes. Come on down and choose your poison. We're having a sale on that, too!
________________________________________________________________

"Who are you anyway?"
"I'm glad you asked. I'm your worst nightmare."
"You mean the one with the giant cabbage and the, kind of, whirring knife thing?"

I am a recalled candy bar. Once you get past the half-baked cockroach thirds and chocolate-covered razor blades, I'm guiltfully sweet.

Coming at me with your current sense of self will be both hard-boiled and over-easy, depending upon how many ninja stars and/or handfuls of colored pudding you want me to throw at you. Either way, I expect you to unnotch your battle-wounded belt and get your dendrites dirty.

In conclusion, pour some cereal and reminisce by your non-existent Arizonan fireplace about the old days when girls knew how to hide their crazy -- either that or move back to Kansas. (I promise that I won't point and laugh.)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Oh, that ol' thing?

Killing men's libidos with my special brand of kindness.
*smiley tooth sparkle*

Planning parties for perverts. It's a dirty job, but somebody's gata do it. Trust me: You don't want them roaming the streets like erogenous zombies. No one takes pleasure in seeing Grandpa like that -- and if you do, I'll send you an invitation to this party I'm planning.
*rimshot*
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
...empathizing with your id. Can I get uh "Ditto"?

...making interesting enough conversation with my dates' chests so as to make up for my senseless awkwardness?
*crosses fingers*

...believing in faeries.
*claps enthusiastically*

*huffs on her fingernails and rubs them on her shirt*
Yeah, I wear shirts -- and I'm really good at it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How about "...not so good at"?

...social cues: I'd just as soon hump yuh as look at yuh.

...shushing my Jiminy. He'th rully perthithtent.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The light springing forth from my fingertips? *blows out her index finger, twirls it around, and stuffs it into her pocket*

But more likely...

In person --> the gap in my teeth and my irking lack of eye contact
On the phone --> my kiddish voice and rousing laughter
In traffic --> the graffiti on my car and my "dangerous" multitasking
_________________________________________________________________

Let's hear from the peanut gallery:
_________________________________________________________________

Bachelor #1: "When I first met her, she was reading The Way of the Superior Man in a dark corner of a sex party."

Shrink #3: "She is a mixture of an insecure five-year-old who has bed-wetting tendencies and a sleepy Toltec zen master."

Guy who plays a doctor on TV: "She seems to have a Marilyn-Monroe/Jesus-Christ complex."

Sexy Jebus!? Game over.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The kinds that mention murder, sex, and other odd behaviors in such a sweet way that you're like, "Wait -- what?"

"Now they've got my fingerprints, underwear as evidence."

Current read: He's Just Not That into You
...yet again. *cries*
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Harry -- He's all six things.

He carries all of my recyclables, lets me use his rear-end as a billboard, and pulls himself together to keep me safe. What more could a hippie ask for than a gas-guzzlin', air-pollutin', leather-steering-wheeled SUV? Not much, I'll tell yuh, except for the freedom to answer rhetorical questions in this beautifully capitalistic, non-Utopian society. *sips some lemon-ahhd and resumes her reclining position in her hammock*

That's right: Homie's got a hammock. *sniffs and thumbs nose*

Update: Harry has been replaced by Barney, his younger, gayer cousin. He has a few loose screws (har har) and tends to shake uncontrollably at the slightest bump in the road -- most likely due to daddy issues.

Things I Could Do Without:

1. Thumb-wrestling my phone's tiny peck-pad. What happened to talking?

2. My erotophobic nymphomania. At no point is any man partial to a female who wants to have endless amounts of hallucination-inducing, body-tingling sex never. Wait for it; wait for it. D'oh!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
...why the last guy won't come pick up his other sock. I swear I was kidding about the necrophilia thing. Come on!

...navigating the G.I. tract in a microscopic space-pod.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
What's a nice way of putting "making strangers bleed and beg for mercy"?

That's right.

You know Jim from accounting? Yeah, I've hit that.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I show love via acts of service. I wish to receive it via physical touch.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, dear, I'm done with the mushy stuff. Let's continue:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, where'd I put those fava beans and Chianti?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...you eat overblown expectations for breakfast.

...your light saber is envious of my finger twirl.

...you're in search of an imaginary lover: I am the spoon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*braces herself* Okay, continue.

________________________________________________________________

O.K., Cupid, what have you in store for my love life? Sam Kinison singing my indie songs, you say?

© 2014 S.a.M., A Division of Me, Inc., USA