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31 Mesa, AZ Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Age 36
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Today – 4:57am
Middle Eastern, White
Relationship Type
5' 6" (1.68m)
Body Type
Special Diet
Not at all
Other and laughing about it
Doesn’t have kids
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat), Sign Language (Somewhat), Latin (Somewhat), French (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
----------------------------Wayne's World doodle-di-doo----------------------------





I'm directing this toward one person.

Unfortunately (according to this video), he's not reading it:

[Enter trombone.] Oh, well -- raise the tent.

-------------------------------------Step Right Up-----------------------------------------

Great Expectations:

一. I expect you to know what death feels like. You have been beaten, branded, broken, abandoned, lobotomized, militarized, and betrayed by the love of your life.

B. I expect you to be dark as a result of your battles. You have a thirst for blood, a desire to violate, torture, twist, rape. You fantasize about breaking bones to know the sound taboo makes.

III. I expect you to know better. You are a source of light all the more due to your shadow. You are a child-like warrior: open-hearted with staff in hand. You choose life despite the ease of the alternative, and you kill the parasite within you daily. Fear has found its match in you.


Come on, Cupid: I'm not asking for much.

In conclusion, vote for me. I'll make sure that the pressures of Valentine's Day are a thing of the past, that the homeless people on the corners rotate once an hour, and that your penis remains intact (I understand how worrisome that thought can be *rubs your back*).
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Walking toward swarms of wasps and saving my breath for the rapture. The air in Heaven has got to be thin.

In reality, probably regressing. After December, I plan to be crawling and expect to be bottle-fed. Bring on the fetish freaks. *lifts her wrists for the haul* But who's here on reality's behalf anyway?

This year I started working with a lot of soon-to-be-dead people. I realize now more than ever how often people die.

Once. *serious face*
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
...growing my hair. *clenches her eyes shut and thinks really hard*

...believing in tublave.
*chokes on its fat pill*

*huffs on her fingernails and rubs them on her shirt*
Yeah, I wear shirts -- and I'm really good at it.

Update: I stopped being good at wearing shirts.


How about "...not so good at"? Whoever said they were simple must have been a man.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The light springing forth from my fingertips? *blows out her index finger, twirls it around, and stuffs it into her pocket*

But more likely...

A. In person --> the gap in my teeth and my irking lack of eye contact. Give me a quarter with your mouth and look away the entire time, and we're good to go. *makes her "Pretty much" face*

2. On the phone --> my kiddish voice and rousing laughter -- "Has anyone ever told you that you giggle like a five-year-old?" Why, yes, yes, he has, and his little dog, too. Heh heh-heh-heh heh-Heh

Drei. In traffic --> my brightly colored stockings occasionally covered by parts of my dress, depending on the wind factor.

*Ben Stein voice* Let's hear from the peanut gallery:

Bachelor #1: "When I first met her, she was reading The Way of the Superior Man in a dark corner of a seedy party."

Shrink #3: "She is a perplexingly discomforting mixture of a thumb-sucking, hyperactive child and a Toltec zen master with Alzheimer's."

Guy who plays a doctor on TV: "She has an acute infection of the Marilyn-Monroe/Jesus-Christ superbug."

Sexy Jebus!? Game over. *makes an explosion noise and pretends that it's from the cool guy next to her* Those cool guys -- always thinkin' I'm awe-inspiring; what can I say? Shall I fingernails-shirt rub again for you? Hmm? Hm? Anybody? No? Okay then, let's stick a fork in this paragraph.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Peanut butter and pickle S.a.M.wiches (See what I did there?) mixed with chocolate almondmilk. *stirs and mashes* It's like slasher flicks: gross but arousing.

*sings as she eats pizza* I did it all for the pretzel. The what? The pretzel. The what? So you can take that Kalamata olive ... away.

This girl gives me a back-of-the-head boner:

I brought A Serbian Film over to one guy's place. After I left, he jilted me on account o' that I was too innocent for him. "But, but -- say what in the...?" Compared to that movie, anything seems innocent.

Balam Acab is my dreamscape. Purity Ring is my speech. And I want to make love to Esther Perel's hootnanny.

Current read: The Four Agreements -- again. I can't get enough of Miguel's "I know that you're reading this to get over your ex, but I won't let on that I know" subtleties.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
For fourteen years, it was Harry -- he was all six things. He carried all of my recyclables, let me use his rear-end as a billboard, and pulled himself together to keep me safe -- until he didn't. *drool running from her eye socket*

Then it was Barney, Harry's younger, gayer cousin. He had a few loose screws and tended to shake uncontrollably at the slightest bump in the road -- most likely due to daddy issues.

We stuck it out for a while, even though it was a loveless relationship. "Who knows," I thought, "Maybe I can turn him straight." I even went so far as to purchase latex gloves. But then Barney ran off with some dude from his art class, blabbing about "free love and meatless Mondays" and left me his exoskeleton so that the sting of abandonment would linger until someone from Craigslist decides that this purple dinosaur is worth hauling away to live another day of encouraging children to clean up after themselves.

*told as eerie music from 1993 plays in the sideground*


Things I Could Do Without:

1. Girls' long, detailed stories about their cars. Happens way too often.

Dos. Leather nunchaku. Moo, beyotch; get out the way.

F.6. People sinking my battleship.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
...why the last guy won't come pick up his grandpa's ashes. I swear I was kidding about the necrophilia thing. Come on! *shakes some ashes out of her pants*

...Alice's Restaurant.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
...sprinkling faerie dust on my PJs and leaving the window open.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I enjoy dragon vs. alien porn -- but, like, metallic sea alien. K'mahn, you know how the third stage of addiction works.

My mountain-moving love is suffocating to some and not available to the rest.

I pee, orgasm, and laugh in the face of danger -- in that obnoxiously Oxford-comma-separated order.

(Oh, the power of threes to cheat the mind of the important bits.)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...Mary Poppins makes you readjust.

...the ball is 92% in your court. stop singing in the shower only to pee.'ll kiss me in my sleep.

...I just may be the lunatic you're lookin' for.


O.K., Cupid, what have you in store for my love life? Shove your wisdom down my throat.

*packs up her show -- to the tune of "Little Boxes"*


-------------------------------------*dial-up bleeps*-------------------------------------

-------------------------------Secure Connection Failed-------------------------------

---------------Read user guide for penis-insertion instructions.---------------


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