Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
And now, a story:
The night I posed for the above picture, I was at a drag show.
Eventually, I forgot I was wearing makeup and mounted my bike to
hurry home, since I was dog-sitting that weekend and didn't want
the pups to starve and turn on each other, or discover gambling, or
get each other teen pregnant. During the ride, I turned a corner
and accidentally ramped over a raised section of the pavement,
which caused me to wipe out in front of a confused pedestrian in a
Doctor Who T-shirt. While in midair, I invented a new swear word:
"frulk," which is to date my most significant contribution to the
English lexicon. The fellow Whovian helped me up, no doubt baffled
to have narrowly avoided being flattened by the Insane Clown Posse
reject rolling around on the pavement in front of him. We each
checked to see if the other was all right, and, noticing his Who
shirt, I simply beamed and belted out a jolly "Fantastic!" before
immediately mounting my bike and pedaling off into the night,
bellowing "Geronimoooooooooo!" back over my shoulder. The whole
thing took about seven seconds.
So that's me: a scatterbrained, swearing, clumsy, nerdy, jolly,
out-of-control man-clown. Pleased to frulking meet you.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"Cup o' tea, cup o' tea, almost got shagged, cup o' tea."
Well, according to OKC's progress bar over there, I am officially
done with my profile. Now that I've achieved self-actualization,
maybe I'll buy a sailboat or a peace lily or something.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Talking really fast.
Observe: Red leather,
yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather, red reather, lellow
yeather, yerd realler, leyow yearth- damn it!
If you ask me to, I will write a limerick with your name in
(Fun fact: someone once asked me if the "red leather, yellow
leather" bit was a "piss and fisting thing." And THAT'S how I
learned about handkerchief code!)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
A friend once described me as "Doug Funnie meets Gregor Samsa".
I'll take it.
I fall down a lot. My friend once told me that watching me me
trying to get across a room is like watching a live Peter Sellers
More generally, though: tall (forever cursed to see the filthy tops
of all refrigerators) and blonde (forever cursed with invisible
facial hair). Weirdest first impression I ever got was "cream puff"
because of my roundish facial structure, my "bramble of curls"
haircut, and my fair complexion.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Wow, I should really update this, huh?
Bioshock Infinite is my favorite recent-ish thing.
Firefly, Doctor Who, Arrested Development, Game of Thrones,
Breaking Bad, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, Broderick Names Them
Comics (Non-superhero, or we'll be here all day):
A Tale of Sand, Watchmen
A Confederacy of Dunces, The Yiddish Policeman's Union, Bleak
House, American Gods, The Posthumous Memoirs of Bras Cubas, The
Long Boats by Frans G. Bengtsson. Viking battles and feudal
Pointy Birds, oh pointy-pointy;
Anoint my head, anointy-nointy.
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Basterds, Bridge On the River Kwai,
Death Becomes Her, Raiders, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Brazil
Food. ...Oh, I was done. Just, you know... food.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Instead of providing a broader answer, I'm going to pretend this is
an unfinished sentence and fill in the last word myself.
For now, the six things I could never do without
1. MC Hammer costume.
2. Survive a blizzard.
3. Store food for winter (in case of blizzard).
4. Smuggle illegal wildlife.
5. Family friendly can-can.
6. Be fancy/smarty/bossy/a liar.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
"Attaching emotional value to things that don't exist is the joy of
art — and the definition of insanity."
All of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iAUwamHTM4
At this very moment, I am thinking about infrasound. I want to find
a space that's "haunted" with infrasound and experience the ghostly
hallucinations for myself. For some reason, I enjoy creeping myself
out - I was the only kid in my neighborhood to win "Bloody
Also, time travel paradoxes! An example: In Bill and Ted's
Excellent Adventure, George Carlin's character, Rufus, never says
his own name. We instead get a closed loop scenario in which future
Ted tells his past self, "Trust this guy Rufus." So where did that
information come from?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
"Adventure is a dish that is best eaten takeout, in the comfort of
one's own home." - Michael Chabon
Ambivalence is the inner curse of the amicable introvert. I love my
friends, and I love the crazy stuff they invite me to/make me do,
but I'm also just as likely to become a human burrito of comforters
and blankets and watch a Sherlock.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I once wrote a song for a burlesque. It was a parody of "Master of
the House" from Les Mis from the point of view of a dominatrix:
"Mistress of the House."
I'm a little bi-FURIOUS.
I am easier than an open-book spelling test.
Even after moving to L.A., my favorite celebrity encounter is still
the time I had a catch with Tommy Wiseau. He says I throw too
Sometimes I read textbooks for fun.
And I hate to admit it, but disregarding iconography or "cool
factor" and judging solely in terms of efficacy and design, the
Millennium Falcon is one of the worst ships in all of science
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
The following are required:
-Human DNA (tests will be administered, please provide your own
-Strict adherence to Wheaton's Law ("Don't be a dick.")
And that'll about do it!
*If you are an artificial intelligence that has been transplanted
from a human body into a machine, a birth certificate will suffice.
...Wait, what am I talking about? All robots welcome!
P.S. Please forgive my excessive use of parenthetical statements
(for which I deeply apologize).
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