Past personal improvement projects have included being better at social stuff and not fearing failure as much. I am much better at social stuff. The fearing failure is still there, but it goes along with the not procrastinating, so I'm bundling them at the moment.
I have a tendency to get into routines and enjoy people who invite me along to random things.
On being passionate:
Passion has always been something I'm jealous of in other people. I remember walking through my brother's room when I was around seven. He had a shelf on a bookcase that displayed his collection of otters and whale statues. I thought it was really great that he cared about something so much. It wasn't until college that my, by then, over 10 year search succeeded. I found ballroom dance. It was great.
...but. Without the uniqueness of the community down at college, I have lost the passion.
I hope the find another passion, but for right now I'm not passionate about anything. Some, on hearing me talk, would say I'm passionate about manipulating numbers. I do legitimately enjoy it, but it is not the same all encompassing feeling that existed around ballroom.
I am privileged in that the great tragedy of my life is a lack of things that make me truly happy.
On being judgmental:
I have opinions on a lot of things. I have opinions about what sort of drinking containers I will use, the clothing I wear, and the sex I like. If I have an opinion about something, I do not hesitate to express it.
I also have opinions on people’s thoughts and actions. These I will sometimes express to those around me.
I do my best, however, to not have opinions about people. If I disagree with their thoughts or actions, I either try to change them or I disengage from that person. People who engage in misogynistic behaviors are not bad people, but I do my best to keep them out of my life and will try to persuade them that their behavior is not good when I do interact with them. People who dye their hair pink are not weirdos, those who wear ill-fitting $300 jeans are not pretentious snobs, and those who do pretend sword fighting with really bad technique should not be laughed at. Labeling people makes you lose sight of anything beyond that label and makes it hard to engage with them well enough to change any thoughts or behaviors that should be changed.
On being mainstream:
There are some things about which I am not mainstream: I engage in poly relationships, I’ve had unusual hobbies, I do not want kids, and have very progressive ideas about gender. However, overall, I would say I live my life within the flow. I got a degree, rent an apartment, work an eight to four-thirty, own a car, and get some of my clothes from Macy’s. Authority has been pretty good to me throughout my life and I don’t feel a need to buck it. I’ll do things the normal way when they work for me. I’m ambitious about my career because I want more responsibility and the ability to choose only work that is interesting to me, but also because I want more money. Money gets you stuff, weekend trips, and the freedom to get as many drinks as you want because you don’t have to worry about the cost of the drinks or the cab ride home.