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BangedYourMom

37 M Lewisville, TX

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–54
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 1:57am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Cancer
Education
Job
Construction
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Has dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English, C++

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a little rough around the edges. Maybe that's an understatement, could be I just have big edges. I'm generally a good person. I'm generally courteous. My sense of humor may not be for everyone.

Sometimes this profile changes. Not always for the better.

Some things I like and/or enjoy:
Women, motorcycles, dogs, guns, music, titties, pin-up girls, burlesque, cats - if they are cool, vaginas - if they are hot (and wet), MotoGP, supercross, flat track, WRC, rallycross, F1, tastefully done resto-mods, tasteless rat rods, and I would like to go to a roller derby - seems legit.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to be happy. Trying to get my KZ up and running. Trying to ride my dirt bike when I can.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Turning premix into smoke and roost. Cutting things with a 16-5/16" Makita circular saw. Overthinking things. Getting the loudest, squeakiest, wobbliest shopping cart ever.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
How fucking awesome I am. Or my birthmark. Probably that.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: mostly motorcycle magazines
Movies: stuff with titties and/or explosions, the more the merrier
Shows: sketch comedy is pretty righteous, so was Firefly. The Doomstar Requiem A Klok Opera is fucking genius
Music: mostly crappy metal, some good metal, southern rock, Texas blues, late 80's/early 90's rap, random old songs that kick ass
Food: microbrews, bacon & eggs, these tacos at the gas station down the street

When I was younger, better looking, and not so retarded, there would have been a nice list of books, movies, and music for you to read about and think to yourself, "Self. This guy is all cultural and artsy fartsy and hoity toity and what not. His penis must smelt of elderberrys!" And self would have been wrong. I would say soap. Maybe I should get some elderberry scented soap...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Your vagina. It's so awesome that it counts for all six. Seven actually...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What color to paint the Kay Zee foe hunnerd resto mutt.

When the hell am I actually going to finish the damn thing.

Wondering when will
Those tasty tender tacos
Find friendly faces?

How awesome it would be to ride a train at night, after drinking Night Train Express, while listening to GNR's "Nightrain". Fucking epic, son.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hoping the weather is right for going riding Saturday.

Taking the dogs for a walk, although they just want to smell stuff and act like they are going to pee, and then have to go smell somewhere else because it's important to pee in the perfect spot. You know, dog piss feng shui and what not... Shit, that's a good name for a band!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a lard can. I prefer to cook my eggs in bacon grease. I do this as a service to your children or grandchildren so that if I happen to be in their Soylent Green, it will be extra delicious. Also, it makes the eggs extra delicious. Win-win fo sho.

When I was a kid, my favorite Sesame Street character was Oscar the Grouch. He still is.

The following is in iambic pentameter:
"I like it when I get to see your tits."

Also:
"I want to club the baby seals today."

Borderline:
"I love to give you cum stains in your drawers."
Depends on if you consider "drawers" a single or double syllable word. Inflection is a little iffy as well.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You have been double dog dared to.
Or you're incredibly bored.
Or it's something you would do for a Klondike bar.
Or if you turn your headlights on during inclement weather.
Or if you like the word "inclement."
Or if you have a set of brass ovaries.
Or if you realized there is an alliterating haiku above.
Or if your answer to "What is Stevie Wonder's favorite color?" is "corduroy."
Or if people who start sentences with "or" is your thing.
Or for whatever reason. You know, make one up...