attn: future LOCAL partner in crime:

Let's...
...get drunk off of cooking wine, curse at appliances in French, throw paper airplanes at each other, roll the windows down, sing Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up at the top of our lungs, mock music we don't like and the people who listen to it (asymmetrical haircuts beware), start conversations with strangers, fog up the windows, watch sunsets, get high on caffeine, conspire to take over the world, watch horror B-films and make commentary like Beavis and Butt-Head or Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." ~Wayne Gretzky

This is my party. Welcome. If you have any questions, my ears are open. If you have any objections, I'll promise to slow the car a few miles per hour before booting you out. :-)

I like to make sexy times with the womens. Very niiice...

To me, nice guy means uncreative and watches too many romantic comedies. I've gone out with nice girls who bored me to tears. Wouldn't you rather have butterflies in your stomach? Wouldn't you rather be kept on your toes?

I am the rudest Gentleman and nicest asshole you'll ever meet.

I truly believe the best way to get to know someone is face-to-face, so don't be offended if I don't remember major details about your life. It can be difficult to make abstract blurbs into concrete people, especially considering with the amount of thought taken into writing them on this site seems to be sorely lacking.

Editors

• insomniac303

My life goal is to live with a pocket full of confetti and surprise unsuspecting people on street corners looking at their cellphones with it, and run away.

I am going back to school and other boring things.

awkward dead-pan humor, playing a few instruments, audio engineering, Nintendo Entertainment System, running, philosophy, progressive politics, chess, psychology, sketching, martial arts, wines and spirits, New York Islanders hockey, personal fashion.

I simply do not have time for petty drama or emotional hysterics.

I've been told I have the patience of a saint, but I am pretty intuitive about who is worth my time and who isn't.

Someone called me a "valley girl bitch" not too long ago, which I found profoundly hilarious.

Conversing with me is like a competition. My wit is spot on and somewhat biting, and it must be understood that if I'm not teasing you, then I'm probably not arrested with interest in you. I don't like "fluff talk". I have a disdain for normal, predictable behavior (i.e. I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than talk about the weather.) If you play hard to get, I will win. Or you will go home alone. I don't cave to that nonsense.

Then again, there's nothing worse than asking someone how they're doing and then they give you the real answer... ("Well, I got a corn on my left toe, and my aunt's in the hospital, do you think I should get this blister checked out?")

Identifying songs from the beginning guitar feedback noise, clicks of a drumstick before the band comes in, or a random snippet is a talent of mine. Yet if someone calls my name from across the room, it's likely I won't hear them.

I'm big in Japan.

Editors

• randi820

Books: 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die, About A Boy, The Artist's Way, Come As You Are, The Compleat Gentleman, Complicated Shadows, Eyes of the Dragon, High Fidelity, The God Delusion, I Am America (And So Can You), I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, Please Understand Me, The Quotable Atheist, The Rock Snob's Dictionary, Stuff White People Like, Zen In The Martial Arts.
Various fiction writing workshops, fantasy illustration books, anything about mythology--specifically Greek and Norse.

Movies: Amélie, Annie Hall, Back to the Future, Batman (Chris Nolan only), The Big Lebowski, Borat, Breakfast Club, Broken Flowers, Coffee and Cigarettes, The Count of Monte Cristo, Clerks, Contact, Detroit Rock City, Dogma, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Evil Dead trilogy, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Ghostbusters, Goodfellas, Goonies, Hard Candy, Juno, Legend, Little Miss Sunshine, Memento, Napoleon Dynamite, Ocean's Eleven, Office Space, Punch Drunk Love, Run Lola Run, Sideways, Sin City, Superbad, Uncle Buck, Wes Anderson flicks.

"Bass and treble heal every hurt."

Music: Ryan Adams, Air, The Alarm, Bayside, Beatles, Beck, Bloc Party, Belle & Sebastian, The Beta Band, Booker T. & The MG's, The Breeders, Blur, David Bowie, Built to Spill, The Cars, Nick Cave, The Clash, Elvis Costello, Dire Straits, Nick Drake, Echo & The Bunnymen, ELO, Brian Eno, French Kicks, Ben Folds, Foo Fighters, Futureheads, Serge Gainsbourg, Gang of Four, Gomez, Joe Jackson, Jane's Addiction, (old) Kings of Leon, The Kills, Kinks, Kraftwerk, Ben Kweller, Ray LaMontagne, Leadbelly, Led Zeppelin, Matt & Kim, MC5, Melvins, Minus The Bear, Mission of Burma, Modest Mouse, Thurston Moore, Thelonius Monk, Muse, My Bloody Valentine, Nico, Nirvana, OK Go, Graham Parker, Phantom Planet, Pink Floyd, Pixies, The Police, Iggy Pop, QOTSA, Radiohead, Ramones, Red Sparowes, early R.E.M., Replacements, Damien Rice, Rooney, Josh Rouse, The Rural Alberta Advantage, Sebadoh, Shellac, Silversun Pickups, The Shins, Elliott Smith/Heatmiser, The Smithereens, The Smiths, Sonic Youth, Soundgarden, Spoon, Squeeze, early Rod Stewart (and Faces), STP, The Strokes, Sunny Day Real Estate, Superdrag, Talking Heads, Television, Travis, U2, Velvet Underground, Verbena, The Vines, The Von Bondies, Tom Waits, War Tapes, Weezer, Wilco, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Frank Zappa.

Television (sub-category): Code Monkeys, Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Futurama, Human Weapon, Most Evil, Mythbusters, Scrubs, South Park, Star Trek: Next Generation (sue me), That 70's Show, Three Sheets, What Not To Wear.

Stand-up comedians (sub-category): Dave Attell, Lewis Black, George Carlin, Jimmy Carr, Dana Carvey, Dave Chappelle, David Cross, Nick DiPaolo, Craig Ferguson, Jim Gaffigan, Zach Galifianakis, Mitch Hedberg, Lisa Lampanelli, Denis Leary, David Letterman, Bill Maher, Steve Martin, Demetri Martin, Dennis Miller, Tracy Morgan, Patton Oswalt, Emo Philips, Gary Shandling, Jon Stewart, Ron White, Steven Wright.

I don't understand this country's obsession with Dane Cook and Family Guy. I guess actual humor is irrelevant to these people.

Foods: I eat everything. Babies, Windex... you name it.

How easily your body language can betray you.

"We all have good intentions with all these strings attached"
~Gang of Four

"...if you ask me whether or not I'm an atheist, I wouldn't even answer. I would first want an explanation of what it is that I'm supposed not to believe in, and I've never seen an explanation."
~Noam Chomsky

I've programmed my GPS to speak as a British woman so I feel like James Bond--you never know when the Russians are spying on you doing some arbitrary errand.

You think Paris Hilton is the anti-Christ.

You will NOT talk about your ex-boyfriend or how terrible men are on our first date/first interaction. Please. Call the waaaahmbulance. We're here to move on, and if you can't do that, I have no problem dropping you like a bad habit.

In case you couldn't tell...

I loathe 'club girls'. If you look like you just stepped out of a Hummer with three Cosmopolitans in your system, and you really dig the new Jay-Z single... if you have a tan in January... if you wear enough perfume to kill a small horse...

...I can probably set you up with My New Haircut guy. You can drink Jaeger and Irish Car Bombs together. I'll be in the corner trying to decide which one of your tans looks more orange.

I will slap the kissy lips off your face, club girl. :D

It really is my only true deal-breaker. I start looking for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when I see that much orange skin. Maybe I should go to med school for skin grafting. It's going to make a killing on Long Island in about 20 years.