A dead guy named Bertrand Russell walked into a bar and said, "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people are so full of doubts." And he was right. At least, I think he was. Wasn't he?

I've mostly lived in Portland since 2006; this town has helped me figure out who I want to be, and it has consistently nurtured me along the way. I'm in love with and indebted to this beautiful goddamn city! I make a pretty rad tour guide (references available), but I'm also fine with being the tourist.

There's still an east-coasty, Woody-Allenesque side of me that's only partially buried, whining about stray raccoons crapping on the sidewalk in front of my apartment.

I don't worry about this kind of stuff, but others sometimes do: I consider myself a very heteroflexible, far-left, radical idealist. I pay PGE extra every month so they power my home with alternative energy sources. Not too keen on cars or guns. Dogmatic belief freaks me out; my religion happens when I look up every day and realize how mindblowingly weird it is to exist at all, and how fortunate that makes us.

My dad was Black Irish and my mom was Basque, but most people who know me assume that I'm from a different planet. The optimist in me tends to agree.

The first time I ever bubbleflooded someone's kitchen, it was terrifying and I kinda felt like Punky Brewster. The fourth time I ever bubbleflooded someone's kitchen, however, I felt like Loki (Norse god of mischief and chaos). Anyway, the moral of the story is that you should probably keep me away from your dishwasher. Unless you're ready for a bubbly kitchen dance party!

I have an awesome job at an adult toy store with a bunch of great co-workers and fun customers. One of my proudest moments in life was the first time I sold a $200 vibrator to a supercool retired lesbian couple.

I spend a lot of my free time making weird music, reading, and doing things with friends. I like eating and drinking and being merry, outdoor/indoor adventures, and going to shows. I also enjoy getting out of the city sometimes, so I can forget that powerlines and Katy Perry exist.

Currently, I'm working on a collection of songs loosely based on the concept of, "Well, the apocalypse turned out to be bullshit... what now?"

And I've just recently started saving money because I want to go to Africa and/or outer space. I may or may not go to either of these places. And I may or may not come back.

Mashed potatoes. Holy cow, I make the best spicy garlic mashed potatoes you've ever had. All the answers one could ever need, to any of life's problems, can be found in tiny jars of paprika, parsley, and chili powder.

People tell me I have "pretty" and/or "innocent" eyes.

I get a lot of "it's really hard to tell if you're joking or not,"
mostly from people who don't know me very well.
(General rule of thumb: I'm always joking.)

Kurt Vonnegut, Chuck Klosterman, Sarah Vowell, Charles Bukowski. Pump Up The Volume, The Last Dragon, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Eddie & The Cruisers. Twin Peaks, Battlestar Galactica, Arrested Development, Fishing With John.

I grew up on Motown, Sinatra, 1980's pop and new wave, old country music, and Classic rock. So, between that and all the acid I ate in high school, I ended up having pretty diverse tastes: Neutral Milk Hotel, Nina Simone, MF DOOM, Will Oldham, Daniel Johnston, Fever Ray, Eric Dolphy, Ornette Coleman, Beatles, Scout Niblett, Phantogram, Flaming Lips, Black Sabbath, Pavement, on and on and on.

I'll eat anything twice. But Mexican is my favorite.
And goddamn, I can cook!

funny shit, outer space, inner space, art, beautiful things, plans, memories, the human plight, religions, technology. Lately, what the next tattoo is going to be; I'm getting the itch again.

Here is a short video documentary about my weekends.

I don't see any reason to bullshit. What do you want to know?? I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. Despite dropping out of college, I'm still one of the sharper tools in the shed. I got a vasectomy when I was 27, and I've never regretted it, but I might want to adopt a kid someday. I sometimes feel sad that I never really knew my parents. I didn't have role models as a kid, I had Wu-Tang and Yoda.

And I'm not as drug-friendly as okcupid says I am; it's just that I don't really care what other people choose to do.

...you wanna play chess, ride bikes, drink beer in the sun, make music, take nightwalks, teach me something, let me teach you something, check out some new bars, go to a show, rock the shit out of karaoke, play in the park, or let me tag along while you walk your awesome pets.

Write me if you want to have a new friend who will keep you guessing and surprise you in the best ways.