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39 San Francisco, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 30–43
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Aug 26
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
A little extra
Mostly anything
Atheism, but not too serious about it
Graduated from university
Open relationship
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Sign Language (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Pants are for public." - Me

I don't really have a motto per se, but examinations of my speech patterns would show the above to be at the top of the list. I developed the above litany a couple of years ago when my housemate moved in.

I simply don't like to wear pants at home. (Yes, even with a housemate.) Pants are only something to be worn when I am at NOT-home. If I'm lounging around at home, I'm usually in my bed, and no one wants to wear pants in bed, do they?!?

I even have what I call "my Mr. Rogers chair" placed near the front door of my apartment. This allows me to take off the coat and then hang it up; take off the shoes and socks to store them under the chair; and take off my pants. It's a natural progression, I'm sure you'll agree.

Pantslessness can have its own problems though... What if there's a fire? Also, how does one get motivated when getting out of the house involves putting pants back on? I'll admit to bailing from attending a non-zero number of house parties because I couldn't broach the pants-event-horizon.

I do also like to break my own rule sometimes, though somewhat strategically. If we do end up meeting, ask me to tell you about the little 'game' I play with the TSA.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
1) Pranksterism - I came to the Bay Area in 2007 a specific social goal: to start a group in SF of good-natured public pranksters modeled on NYC's Improv Everywhere. I actually did manage to corral a group of people into doing 'missions' with me for a couple of years (search: SFShenanigans), but that went by the wayside once I got plugged into the much more amorphous but long-lived SF institution: Cachophony. Since then my involvement has taken on a nuanced bent towards art, enablement, social and political commentary.

2) Sailing - A couple of years ago I decided to take a couple of sailing lessons to prepare for a vacation I was taking. I expected to take one or two low-cost lessons and call it good. But then I started sailing dinghies at a co-op club in Berkeley and I fell for sailing like an oversized anchor. After three months of taking lessons, I ended up giving them. After a year and a half, I had graduated to skippering on the club's keelboats. Now, I am signed up to do one leg (1/8th) of a circumnavigation race ("Clipper Round the World") from SF to NYC via the Panama Canal and Jamaica.

3) Recreational Programming - I know that I am a very fortunate person, for unlike too many people in this world, I *really* enjoy what I do for work. I like it so much that I willingly, gladly, happily do programming stuff in my free time. Maybe it's reading a book or a blog post about new techniques or patterns; maybe it is searching out helpful new Open Source projects to incorporate at work; perhaps I'm volunteering as a mentor for newly minted programmers. I love that the knowledge I learn and build can affect so many people, hopefully in positive ways.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Playing the part of the bodyguard or bouncer. I've got a pretty good 100-yard stare, and enough "Public Safety" background to sound pretty convincing.

Consuming food/drink - Though this can also be a life-long drawback at least I can proudly declare that I was the anchor on a college beer-chugging team!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Visibly: tattoos and piercings, all-black wardrobe

Audibly: my tendency toward foul language, or my borderline maniacally evil laugh
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have an addiction. I am addicted to big-budget films. And maybe even mid-budget films. I love going to the movie theater to see the latest guns / chases / action / adventure / spaceship / aliens / crime / buddy / comedy / spy / explosions. They don't even have to be all that good, but I still love the experience.

For *classy* movies, I actually like (well-done) slowly paced movies.

Another thing to note, since my relationship with my dad has always been a bit strained, ANY father-related plotlines have a tendency of getting me a bit misty.

I have also been known to go on Netflix/Amazon benders of decent (TV/cable) series.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) My laptop - No for realz. I literally just married my laptop at my friends' wedding anniversary where we flash-mobbed the Academy of Science building and everyone got married to someone/something. Computer access is the main tool I use to make my mark upon the world.

2) Showering - I love being in the shower. The warm water falling on me is just so damn relaxing. I do most of my best thinking in the shower.

3) A hat - I'm actually not that good at remembering to bring a had when I leave SF for... ANYWHERE ELSE... that has sun. But I need it. Because sloughing sunburned skin of a bald head isn't really all that fun.

4) Passport - I haven't done nearly enough international travel yet, dammit!

5) Cuddling - I really love waking up next to a loved one. Hanky-panky is seriously great, but I end up feeling more connected when falling asleep and waking in my partner's presence.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Frequently found volunteering at a sex-positive event space.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
When I'm in a relationship, I sometimes have difficulty distinguishing between what I want and what I think my partner wants to hear. I wish I could be better able to parse out one from the other, but empirical evidence shows that this is a significant challenge for me.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
... you are serious about exploring non-traditional relationship structures. I have sworn an oath to my dating consigliere that I will not date outside of the greater non-monogamy tribe.

... you honestly consider yourself a nice person who is concerned about least and the greatest of us all.

... you are interested in real communication, even the sticky, messy, FEEEEELINGS stuff (when we get there, that is).

The next bit is kind of "Choose Your Own Adventure":
... you are looking for a poly-friend, i.e. a relationship where we could take each other out on test runs of a new date location/adventure. Maybe someone that you'd be interested in exploring a new club or party with, but not necessarily "be there with".
... you are looking for up to a 1-2 night/week partner, i.e. something potentially a little more substantial than "recreational", but not as immersive as a 4+night/week relationship. [A "secondary"-type situation *might* be appropriate for me... The time I went to the movies, and my girlfriend was holding my hand and her husband's hand at the same time, was a poly-transformative moment for me.]