The latest add is a "DEAR BESTESTGUYEVER" letter and response from a new online dater and I think I gave her some pretty good advice. If you're a woman that's new to online dating and you're not quite sure if it's for you or not, I'd recommend reading it (bottom of the "I'm Really Good At" section). If I wasn't new and I was going to skip a big piece of my profile, that is the part I'd skip first.
On to the self summary as it existed before the above:
One of my best friends (who knows me better than most and has the unique perspective of actually having had a couple year long romantic relationship with me a million years ago)* and I were texting and continuing an ongoing conversation about what's important in a potential match for me. More specifically, why some somewhat recent "connections" with really great girls haven't worked out after (a month or three).
And I think she brought up a really good point. Basically, that I'm so devoted to open-mindedness sometimes that I forget what's key for me. Among other things, we were discussing intellectualism and whether or not it's essential in a potential partner for me. I always like to think of it as a nice thing to have but not necessarily a "must have." I have great friends to fill that void and particularly because I'm open to a relationship with a kick ass woman even if it doesn't have "forever" kind of potential (perhaps that potential will later materialize or maybe it's not "meant" to last). And its almost been a coin flip on whether the few women in my life that have really tugged on my heart strings have the ability to also pull on my brain strings. But, the fact of the matter is I've never had a lasting relationship with a woman that wasn't pretty damned sharp.
And because of that aforementioned devotion to open-mindedness, I don't really make a lot of rules about what I am looking for. I've kind of let myself know it when I find it (because there really are some different combinations that work for me). But she probably put it best when she texted,
(V/O whispers: THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU FIND OUT WHAT HE LIKES).
"I think a lot of chemistry for you is a mental connection. I know the physical is very important to you but I don't think you are looking for drop dead gorgeous. I think you want simply sexy. And someone with a cute smile, bright eyes, good bod (not necessarily killer bod*) and AWESOME mind is what you need. I wish I had more single girl friends..."
I gotta say she was spot-on. (haha she SHOULD have more single girlfriends!) While "intellectualism" isn't necessarily a MUST, the "awesome mind" probably is for it ultimately to work...for it to last...for me to really have that feeling of "finding her"-- which is what I'm ideally looking for out of this.
*Killer bods, while not required, are also encouraged to apply. :o)