One of my best friends (who knows me better than most and has the unique perspective of actually having had a couple year long romantic relationship with me a million years ago) and I were texting about what's important in a potential match for me. More specifically, why some somewhat recent "connections" with really great girls haven't worked out after (a month or three). And I think she brought up a really good point. Basically, that I'm so devoted to open-mindedness sometimes that I forget what's key for me. Among other things, we were discussing intellectualism and whether or not it's essential in a potential partner for me. I always like to think of it as a nice thing to have but not necessarily a "must have." I have great friends to fill that void and particularly because I'm open to a relationship with a kick ass woman even if it doesn't have "forever" kind of potential (perhaps that potential will later materialize or maybe it's not "meant" to last). But, the fact of the matter is I've never had a lasting relationship with a woman that wasn't pretty damned sharp.

And because of that aforementioned devotion to open-mindedness, I don't really make a lot of rules about what I am looking for. I've kind of let myself know it when I find it (because there really are some different combinations that work for me). But she probably put it best when she texted,

"I think a lot of chemistry for you is a mental connection. I know the physical is very important to you but I don't think you are looking for drop dead gorgeous. I think you want simply sexy. And someone with a cute smile, bright eyes, good bod (not killer bod) and AWESOME mind is what you need. I wish I had more single girl friends..."

I gotta say she was spot-on. While "intellectualism" isn't necessarily a MUST, the "awesome mind" probably is for it ultimately to work...for it to last...for me to really have that feeling of "finding her"-- which is what I'm ideally looking for out of this.

Mortgage banker by day, rock star by night... well not really a rock star but music is important to me. I front a new, four-man, acoustic rock, cover band with a lot of reggae vibes (Sublime, 311, Bob Marley, etc). Big hobby/passion for me.

Just recorded my very first voice over demo too! So I'm just starting to dabble in that realm.

Career is very important to me, but it doesn't necessarily come first. I won't sacrifice everything for my career so that I miss life and at the same time I don't want to focus so much on life that I don't have the means to enjoy it. Balance is key.

Blessed to be good at a bunch of things. Practically anything competitive, sports, cards, board games, Words with Friends, pool, darts, etc. BBQing and cooking. Finding fun. Bringing great people together (that might be my "gift"). Scholarly endeavors. Debating points. Listening. Picking out wines. Singing. Making friends. Establishing rapport and trust. Keeping secrets. Staying objective. Being fair. Intimidating if I need to. Calming the storm. Making people laugh. Kissing. Reading directions and following them. Organizing things I'm passionate about (like bands and baseball teams). Managing divergent personalities. Mediating disagreements. Helping people communicate better. Knowing what you like (but definitely not what you're thinking). Brainstorming. Truly seeing the other point of view and what merits it might have to someone that had it. Walking in someone else's shoes. Being patient. Meeting parents. Driving. Drinking. Both sometimes (because I know how to drink and stay well below the limit). Back rubs. Foot rubs. Cuddling (apparently I'm warm?). Helping people understand. Being long-winded in my writing!

Probably my voice. It's low, distinct and tends to be loud. People often "recognize" me by it in loud, dark, or crowded places (even people I haven't seen since high school). Funny thing is I tend to sing a whole lot higher than I speak. And I finally succumbed to nagging of the masses and now when someone asks me "do you do commercials" (I have the face for radio), my answer isn't exactly no (even though I haven't done any commercials...well other than this big, long commercial about why I might be worth getting to know).

Movies (Dramas): "Braveheart," "Pulp Fiction," "True Romance," "Twelve Monkeys," "Fight Club," "Scarface," "The Godfather,""Gladiator,""Star Wars," "Chronicle," "Dark Knight" , "Limitless."

Movies (Comedies): "Old School," "Anchor Man," "There's Something About Mary," "Mall Rats," "Office Space," "Fletch," "Caddy Shack," "50 First Dates," "The Hangover" (and for a sequal that starts with the phrase, "It happened again," "The Hangover II" was pretty damn good).

TV:"Game of Thrones," "The Walking Dead," "Californiacation." "Family Guy," "The League," "The Office" (not so sure anymore though), Football, Baseball, "Tosh.0," "Ancient Aliens" "Through the Wormhole," "Ridiculousness," "Breaking Bad."

Books: "The Hobbit," "Freakonomics." I'm fairly well-read, but that's more of a function of my education than a true-love of literature. Most of what I read these days is non-fiction. I guess I prefer to watch my fiction...and I don't necessarily LOVE to read. I do read a lot I guess, but just not really books that often these days...

Food: Mexican, Italian, French, Spanish, Cuban, gastro-American, steaks on the grill, Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these... Perhaps a vegetarian in principle (as in I sorta wish I was one from a philosophical stand point), but definitely a meat-etarian by nature and in practice. My pescatarian friends say I still am a great cook on veggie stuff and fish I've made them (fish-wise I personally tend to stick to shell fish and tuna, but I can make all types taste pretty good). I'll eat raw tuna with you anytime, but seaweed is one of the worst things ever!

Music: Sublime, Slightly Stoopid, Franti and Spearhead, Giant Panda Guerrilla Dub Squad, Jackie Mitoo, Toots and the Mytals, Bob Marley (although, I'd like to ban "Legend" for about 10 years), Ziggy Marley, anyone with the last name Marley, really anything reggae-vibed. U2, Radiohead, Coldplay (even though a better name for them would be "U2 Ballads"), Jamiriquai, The Cure, The Smiths, Fleetwood Mac, The Pixies, Red Hot Chili's, Jane's Addicition, Wheezer, Sinatra, The Dead, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Led Zepplin, Jack Johnson, G Love, Jason Mraz, Keane, The Red Walls, Hello Dave, Nathalie Merchant, Regina Spektor, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. Taggart Transcontinental. I could go on and on but those jump out at me. Oh yeah and whomever does the Mexican "Hotel California."

(Maslow, please forgive me)

Friends and Family
Singing or seeing live music
The female body
Fantasy football
Snow Skiing
The fam's lakehouse!!
Street fests!
Breaking the rules!

I'm kind of all over the place here, (though I probably won't seem like it when you meet me). I'm philosophical and creative but also practical and logical...somehow all at the same time (some would say it's that Capricorn/Aquarius cusp).

You might catch me thinking any of these thoughts in any given moment:

What's the best "outside the box" way to make a whole shit-ton of money?
Why did I pick that moment to break out my first career "shit-ton?" I don't use that "word," do I?
What do the similarities in the ancient texts of the different religions really tell us?
Does my group need to do more great, obscure, roots reggae tunes?
Should I start Peyton or Eli Manning this week?
If the Maya knew about the center of the galaxy when "white man" was worried about falling off the edge of the Earth what does that say?
What do I REALLY want to be when I grow up?
How do I accomplish or get back on track for this goal or that?
How can I help those two communicate better?
What ideas can I come up with to help her run her business better?
How have I done relatively so little with so much talent and potential?
How do I get better?
Do I need a muse?
What to do...what to do tonight?
Isn't it ironic (don't ya think?) that Evolutionism takes just as much "faith" as Creationism...What could the answer really be?
String Theory
What is the optimum number of fantasy baseball teams for me?
I like boobies.

Usually hanging somewhere with friends. Sometimes playing or rehearsing music. Occasionally, taking a night off...

That "A" on my chest isn't for adulterer.

(!emosewa rof s'tI)

If you're looking for "Mr. Mature" I'm probably not your guy. I'm fully capable of being a normal adult in individual settings, but not necessarily in life as most people think of it. I mean no one has ever accused me of having Peter Pan Syndrome, but (without looking at it's finer details) I probably do. I live in the moment more than tomorrow and try to enjoy my life as much as possible.

Some key points:

1) You're fun and like having fun above most things.
2) You think that seeing live music is a good way to spend a night out.
3) The idea of attending a music fest that involves camping seems like it might be a great idea (or at the very least you don't think it's lame that I like them).
4) You think it's cool that my favorite hobby is music and I front a acoustic reggae and rock group (attendance is optional, but acceptance of it isn't). We usually play out once or twice a month.
5) You're a good wingman and can work a room on your own.
6) You're generally pretty easy to please and enjoy most social settings (including ones you know no nobody besides me).
7) You like the "football player/teddy bear" body type, yet don't share that body type.
8) Smoking isn't a deal-breaker for you. I'm not presently "trying to quit," although I don't plan to be a smoker forever.
9) Staying out on late on Saturdays into a don't get much accomplished Sunday isn't profoundly annoying to you.
10)

Beyond that, definitely if you have money for me and don't have my address....Or even if it's just to tell me that you sent it.... ORRRR if you're an attractive, intelligent "late twenties" to "early fourties" woman that likes: fun (I actually met a super-attractive girl that --I shite you not -- professed to "not really liking fun" on the initial phone call...as cute as she was, I saw no point in pursuing it further), as well as good music, great friends, and if I seem like the kind of guy with whom you might want to enjoy cocktails with (coffee dates kinda blow, although they're not categorically off the table). And, in case I didn't make it abundantly clear, "fun" is of supreme importance to me. I believe that the couple that has fun together, stays together. If you and I aren't (at least potentially) GREAT partners in crime, well then what's the point? Let's face it. You and I are both pretty spectacular and have lots to do, with little time in our weeks to throw away. You're not for everyone and neither am I...and vicey versy. If it's not a great time finding out, well then how will we ever get there?

Disclaimers: I'm not exactly new to online dating. I've had some sort of online dating presence during times of being single practically ever since Al Gore invented the internet. Sorta crazy not to, right? In that time, I've learned a a few things:

First off, even though we all know some great stories about people that have met this way and ended up riding off into the sunset together, the odds of that being you and I are remote. It's NOT the best way to meet someone. Friends of friends is always going to be better. But, that said, I also think it's kind of crazy not to have an online presence if you're single. Why not, right? Worst case, more times than not it should at least equate to some fun. I've met some really fantastic women this way (but NONE that have turned into a real long term relationship...it's not them, it's me?). And I've met some that were not so fantastic. So I'd say I'm generally--at best--"cautiously optimistic" about online dating.

PRETTY PLEASE. Try not to read too much into it if I don't treat our online "connection" the same way as if we had just gone on a date or three. I can go weeks at times (a few days is more common) without having time to put into a woman that might not even exist -- or even if I know that she does indeed exist, that I probably won't have earth shattering chemistry with. Apologies in advance. If it seems like I'm just not that into you, I'm not!! I don't know you yet! If it seems like I am, I'm NOT!! I DON'T KNOW YOU YET!! Add to this partial aloofness a bit of absent-mindedness (that may or may not be caused by my busy aloofness), and I can come across in ways that probably aren't exactly accurate at times. I mention it because I think by being slow to move or respond has sent the wrong message on more than one occasion (and moving too fast can also send the wrong message *rolls eyes at dating*). Sometimes I'm slow because I'm busy and sometimes I'm fast because I have a smart phone. But you shouldn't read far into either. While finding that special someone is somewhat of a priority, and even though it's usually at least a good time, it's a pain in the ass and ultimately has a low success rate.   Thus it will probably always be fleeting for me...well until it's not.

Inherent in the above are some flaws I'm in touch with (and likely some I'm not). If you're an uptight individual, which sadly is one of those traits people tend not to notice in themselves, best to stop reading now (and my apologies, this used to be in the first section).

Also, I have this online dating presence with the ultimate goal of finding that woman with "forever" kind of potential. BUT, I'm also open to great connections that don't. I'm definitely NOT looking for a one night stand scenario (frankly, it's not that I'd be totally against it if the chemistry was right but the other things weren't, it's that I'm not interested in the VAST majority of women that are looking for that). If you're ONLY looking for any of those things, it's probably best to get that out in the open early. That way we can be on the same page about whether there's potential for (fill in your blank) or not.

Lastly, (this is pretty hard to explain in a few words, but let's just say) I'm running an experiment of sorts. This experiment is testing my theory that finding "my girl" (online or offline) is "bigger" than most of the little things I could do (ie, being too wordy in my profile, or being in pictures with women, or coming on too weakly or too strongly in the beginning). Hence, I don't have a plan on which day I will call you after we meet or talk on the phone for the first time or otherwise how best to get across that I'm interested but not THAT interested. Pretty safe bet it will be longer or shorter than 3 days (just on principle alone). And I believe that it's no more my job to call/reach out to you than it is yours anyway. That double standard needs to go.

I believe that the games we play to make ourselves more attractive to the opposite sex just lead us to wasting time with people that aren't ultimately "it." Similarly, coming on too strongly shouldn't break a deal that had a high ceiling either. In other words, if we manipulate someone into liking us or liking us more (some call it playing games) we don't end up with much in the long run. If we blow it by not playing it cool enough in the beginning, there probably wasn't much to blow in the first place. So generally, I just end up going with what feels right, combined with what life dictates. I'm quite sure it's turned some off. Who knows, it's possibly turned some on. All I can do is try to be authentic and hope that someone that I find to be amazing feels the same way about me. I'm pretty sure it will all work out, although not necessarily via online dating. Then again... not necessarily NOT via online dating either. Oh and congratulations. If you made it this far without cheating you don't have ADD! So there's that...