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Do you believe in monogamy?

• Yes
• No
• I'm Not Sure

When I say that I don't believe in monogamy, I mean that I don't believe in it *for me*. It works very well for lots of people.

My Self-Summary
Who reads the directions anymore? Hang it all, OKC, this box of text is my sandbox, not yours. Leetle pink titles, I can't see you. Let's do this the fun way.

The sky has flickered and changed. Bloodshot with oozing purple and black veins, it's begun to drip. I'm cozy in my parlor with a pot of tea and a William Gibson book when I hear the first warbling moan. That's when I realize; our connection? It's a magical one. Ever since we met, our rapport has been a subtle, quiet, understanding one that sizzles with an undercurrent of erotic electricity. You're so very accurate with a shotgun and, darling, you're incredibly muscular. I know I held back before, but now I don't think I can live without you. Wanna come over?

***

Right now I'm growing a lemon tree, a pot of basil, some mint, and a sunflower. This is the most successful gardening season of my life; I am not a green-thumb. More usefully, I've either seated myself in front of a piano or in front of computer. I'm great at converting wiggles of the fingers into either music or meaning; preferably both. I'm a huge people-person. I like you.
What I’m doing with my life
You're here! Oh, you're so wonderful! When I saw them shambling just at your heels, I began to become a bit concerned. You must have been incredibly adroit and clever to escape them. Tell me, are you bleeding anywhere? Did any of them touch you? No? Well then, come in, come in!

I've arranged everything in the most romantic way possible in order to suit our amazing affair of love. Here we have, snuggled in red velvet, a loaded Winchester and extra ammo. And here... follow the rose petals, love... here we have some knee and elbow padding for what's sure to be a licentious romp of a night. And, just for you, a perfume-scented map of our town. The locations circled in red are sure to be heavily fortified havens suitable for for our lust-filled liason.

Is someone knocking? Heavens, don't tell me that our night of desire has been interrupted by something unexpected! Tell me, darling, are you ready to run?

They tell me that men love to look at a girl's backside as she runs ahead of the zombie horde and yet still within his protective sphere. I'm always hoping to please my man, and darling, you're him, so, as we take off, I'll be sure to run in front of you in order to afford you an appealing view. You have my back, yes?

You know what I call defending a woman from the zombie horde? I call it foreplay.

***

Teaching voice and piano, returning to school, throwing parties, and starting projects.
I’m really good at
Darling, we made it! You were fantastic. Watch; my bosom's heaving and I'm a mite sweaty; I hope you don't mind. Oh, good, so glad. Let me just get you reloaded, so to speak.

This dusty, securely locked bar is just the spot for a little alone time, but I've heard that even the most romantic location becomes even more atmospheric when remodeled to include a really, really sturdy barricade. Care to help me remodel, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more?

***

Playing the piano, welcoming folks into my social circle, and taming birds, cats, and ratties.
The first things people usually notice about me
Goodness, those zombies sure are pressing in against the windows, aren't they? I'd sure like to press up against you. In the meantime, care to heat up the night? Yay! I have here a torch and some matches and, lookie, the bar has a handy stash of vodka.

Nothing, *nothing*, says romance like the smell of charred zombie flesh.

Does fire kill zombies? I suppose that they can't devour me, us, if they're incinerated. Hope so. In the meantime, let's set the bar ablaze---God, you're good with your hands--and skip, whilst holding hands, to...

***

Floppy, over-expressive body language, pretty hair, incoming hug.
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
...the woods! Darling, I'd love to stargaze with you from atop a tree. Care to join me in the treetop? Good, good. I'll go first--the better for you to watch my backside. How close are they?

That close?

You have my back, right, sweetie? 'Cause if you have my back now, you'll have my back later.

If you know what I mean.

***

Books: densely packed with information or character; preferably both
Movies: densely packed with cleverness and emotion; preferably both
Music: Loud, thumpy, catchy, and inspiring
Food: Italian, Indian, and Japanese
The six things I could never do without
You're fantastic. I can't believe that you thought to bring along an extra gun or several. I knew I could count on you. Did you know that I like my men tall, strong, and aggressive against zombies? It's sort of a fantasy of mine.

It's just too bad that they can climb trees. I tell you what; I hate the fact that our date night keeps get interrupted by silly shambling hordes. If you help me get to a safer, quieter, more secluded place, I'll tell you more about my fantasy.

***

Coffee, shampoo, kisses on the chin, nap time, books, and projects.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Oh, we're here. Come closer to me; yes run your fingers through my hair. Sweetheart, if I wasn't saving myself for the end of the zombie invasion, we could totally be together, right here, right now.

In fact, if that one pesky zombie wasn't shambling toward us even now, I might think about changing my mind, but...

***

How I can make something go, what I can learn about X, what it would take to start a project, and how I could redesign a noun to make it better. Also, I think about music and daydream about romantic entanglements.
On a typical Friday night I am
...holy crap, you're powerful. And your dexterity--I've never seen anything like it. Tell me, what are your thoughts on American culture as it stands today? Do you like coffee or tea? Are you into zombie killing as a vocation or as a sometimes hobby? For which presidential candidate did you vote?

***

Alive, phew. And probably creating a project.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
Mmm. Forget I asked. Darling, you're magnificent, and I'm so glad we met. I'm positively panting for you. There are merely a hundred or so zombies left---the sands of time drift closer and closer to our night of bliss. Thing is, those hundred zombies appear to be surrounding us just now. Do you think you could...?

***

I'm in an open relationship with the fabulous Funktektronic and another brilliant, kind, sexy man. The spirit is yearning for more flirtatious, frolicsome encounters, yet the schedule is remarkably overbooked. Still, talk to me, so we can pine and dream over each other.
You should message me if
Crap, sweetheart, I'm sorry things worked out that way. I swear, I never intended to blow out your chest cavity after you died saving me from the zombie invasion. On the plus side, it appears that all the zombies are suitably offed, and that I've survived unscathed.

You're the most romantic, heroic, amazing man I've ever met, truly. It's really too bad that we never...

***
the zombies haven't eaten you yet. Or, if not, to regale me with tales of your exotic zombie lifestyle.

In the spirit of fairness, I've never met a zombie, intentionally used another sentient being, or blown out anybody's chest cavity.

***
...What's that sound? Honey?

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Although my neighbors have been keeping awake at night by experimentally setting off sparklers in their front yards, these premature kabooms have been useful in terms of charring up and dismembering some of the encroaching shambling horde. 

This year for Zombie Fourth of July, my neighbors and I are going to produce a spectacular fireworks show using real explosives.  The children will gather around to roast marshmallows over a bonfire built of the dismembered body parts of the latest unlucky ravening horde.  During this festive occasion, my Winchester and I will stand guard, carefully scanning the crowd for signs of infection.  Instead of glow sticks, each participant will have a grenade (patriotically painted in red, white, and blue) along with instructions to pull the pin and throw it at anybody who shambles or groans.  We'll be wearing raincoats.

Today my profile is 100% complete. I have won the Internets!