Okay, this will piss off some...but then you're not the right one for me anyhoo...so I just saved us both some time now didn't i? Go on... thank me... you know you wanna... and you'll hate yourself for doing it too! ;p

Humour... YOU need to have a sense of humour. Serious tight lipped b*tches need not apply. This is not a joke. I like to laugh, and so must you. Being a silly goof is right up my alley.

YOU need to be intelligent. My body is easy... try to stimulate my mind. Now THAT is a real talent! This doesn't mean you need to have a doctorate in biology, but you need to be able to carry on a conversation, have opinions, and not acquiesce or be obsequious. (My $50 words for today.)

YOU need to be able to spell. I make spelling mistakes, so can you, but seriously, how is "k, c u l8r" supposed to make me want to talk to you? The occasional "u" for you or "c" for see is tolerated... but how lazy are you?

I love to cook. Currently I am taking night classes twice a week at a distinguished chef's college. I am not in the business, just doing this for me. If you're lucky, I'll cook you breakfast.

I love photography. It is a hobby to take pictures of almost anything, including (but not limited) to animals, scenery (especially waterfalls), nudes, action shots (soccer, hockey, etc). I have a membership at the Zoo, and I visit regularly. Hope you like animals!

I have ecclectic tastes. I enjoy a fine wine or a cold beer... I love meat and BBQ but could never do without veggies! My music tolerance is open to almost anything (country and rap are a no-no for me.) I enjoy listening to Vivaldi to Judas Priest.

I am an emotional eater, who loves comfort foods when feeling 'blah', and am now trying to get back into shape. I'm hitting the gyme 2-3 times a week, and I walk 6-8 km's 4 days out of the week..outside where the real world is.

I am looking for someone who is not bashful/timid sexually. This includes nude modeling...but artistically not porn. Porn is free...art takes conscious thought and detail. Black and White is awesome in my world. If you also share the shutterbug (pun intended) then all the better!

I must have someone open to eating good food. Fast food eaters pass on by. I love to cook... and see no reason not to experiment and enjoy food. I prefer someone who shares the love of cooking/baking. Sous-chefs are even better! :)

Are you looking for a sugar daddy? Too bad. Move on. I don't whore myself out for what's between your legs. I have a right hand...and a left if it's a big night! . I want someone emotionally and financially stable. Sure, we could all "use" more money, but it should not be the reason we are together.

Are you still reading? Wow...either someone tied you down to the chair and forced your eyelids open ala clockwork orange (mmmmmmmn...that's a little kinky), or you must be warped. I think I'm going to like you. ;p

Go on, send me an email...or a tickle... or whatever the hell they call it here. Just remember to pee first. I'm not responsible for any accidents if I make you giggle hard enough.

Oh, and if you've read the whole thing...and took this long to figure out if you disliked what you read, you're an idiot. You need to press ALT-F4 immediately.

Working in my career. I love it.

Studying at Chef's college part time(how soon you forget...)

Looking into catering on the side.

Possibly entering BBQ competitions.

Looking to find someone to spend mutual time with. I am happy where I am in life.. but it can always get more exciting!

Scrabble, word games, "Scene it", breakfasts, BBQ, smoking meats and veggies, singing loudly off tune in my car, taking lots and lots of pictures.

My eyes.

Yellowbeard. Hands down fav movie.
Erik the Viking
Quest for the Holy Grail
Original Star Wars Trilogy
Princess Bride
Dark Knight
Anchorman
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Headbangers Guide to Metal
Heavy Metal
Army of Darkness
300
Transformers
They Call me Bruce
LOTR
THe Fifth Element
The Great Escape
Dirty Dozen
Dam Busters
Excalibur
Shaun of the Dead
Dogma
Chasing Amy
Clerks
Clerks II
Happy Gilmor
Starship Troopers
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Constantine
Phantasm I - IV
Hellraiser I-III (After the 3rd... it sucked)
Crank
Transporter

These are all off the top of my head. I know I am forgetting some.

Books? My fav author is John Sandford. Not including a plethora of cook books and texts, I amin the middle of 3 books: Kevin Smith's autobiography, Patrick Robinson's "Scimitar SL-2" and the Brotherhood of the Holy Shroud by Julia Navaro. The last completed book was "the innocent man" by John Grisham.

Food? Anything of QUALITY. Not quantity.

Assuming we all take for granted oxygen...water... et. and that they don't apply here...I shall put materialistic things... instead of charming ones like "wit" or "sense of humour".

*Chef's knife

*Camera

*Fire (BBQ, charcoal, or electric...it all cooks!)

*a Good Butcher

*Coffee

*My Eyes and hands

Contemplating the existance of margerine and why people would actively 'want' to consume it.

Trying to figure out the windspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

Trying to figure out who came up with the Darwin Awards, and buy them a drink! (Stupid people bother me. Not a fan.)

(raises hand) "Oh oh... me me... I know the answer to this one!"

Cooking. Somewhere. Somehow. Either with friends, for friends, or cooking friends.

If home alone....then I cook for me. Something new, something exotic...I am my own guinnea pig! A nice glass of wine (who am I kidding...it's going to be the whole bottle!)

I bleed like everyone else.

You're still awake after all this. Kudos to you!

You are somewhat intrigued by my verbiage.

You think you can take me on in useless trivia games.

You actually know the answer to the windspeed velocity of an unladen swallow!