Talk deep into the night.
Who knows what we'll find.”
- Over the Rhine, "Born"
Those lyrics say a lot about what I seek in my friendships and relationships. I tend to be drawn to one-on-one gatherings in which conversations achieve depth and emotion and in which I learn a bit about what in life drives and excites and saddens and frustrates my conversation partner. I seek out friends for life and put little effort into expanding my list of mere acquaintances.
Examples of what catches my eye, piques my interest, and warms my heart: The seasons and changing weather. The way the light of day and the dark of night can feel so different from one day to the next. Curling up to watch a movie with my cat, a blanket, and a partner. A long brunch date with a good friend. Taking a moment to appreciate the intense hue of a deep red wine or an earthy whiskey. The patterns of light drawn by the sun as it comes in my windows in the early morning. Climbing into bed with freshly laundered sheets - especially if there is a thunderstorm raging outside and the man I love already there warming the sheets.
Examples of what gets me out and about: Photography - to explore the world around me through a different medium. A walking commute - to have time to prepare my mind for the day and time to file my thoughts away at the end of the day. Snowboarding - to be up in the mountains and breathe in the space and air while also having a blast. Running - to capture the meditative aspect of thinking about little other than putting one foot in front of the other. Salsa dancing - to laugh and embrace the sensual and social moments. Rock climbing - to solve puzzles through strength and balance. Hiking - to see, to feel, and to breathe the world around me. Really exploring of all kinds, preferably by foot. And, no less importantly, anything involving quality time with good friends.
A bit about the kind of person I am: I often laugh out loud at the quirks of my fellow humans, and I myself am quietly quirky and full of layers. I am not flashy or dazzling or the ‘next big thing’, but I am honest, curious, energetic, and 100% me. I understand what the phrase "salt of the earth" means, and I crave people who fit that description or at least understand what it means. When I go to a bar by myself, it's usually a mellow pub, and the people with whom I most often end up speaking are the bartenders or friendly locals such as Arthur, a regular who has driven in from 10 miles outside the city every Saturday for years to drink at Emmet's in Beacon Hill and likes to tell stories about the city; Eddie, a painter who works at the VA Hospital in Roxbury and has an affinity for the quieter bar stools toward the back at our local pub (The Behan) and talked with me about losing his son and moving to JP after living by the water for many years; and Mick, an Ireland-born carpenter at the Franklin Park Zoo who struck up a conversation with me last week at The Behan by showing me a selfie of himself and a friendly cow at the zoo and then entertained me for quite some time with his stories of the gorilla, the lion, and several other creatures there. If you can understand why this sort of casual conversation with friendly strangers is preferable to catching up on Facebook on my phone or staring at my beer, then there is a good chance we are on the same wavelength.
A bit about how I live my life: I am a creative and reasonably skilled (vegan) chef but definitely not a snooty gourmet, although I am very selective about what I eat in that I buy local and organic whenever I can and am a member of a CSA because I am committed to supporting sustainable eating practices. I am vegan at home and at least vegetarian when I go out, though I have made a handful of exceptions over the last 20 years. I also reduce-reuse-recycle everything I can and swapped out the gusher showerhead in my apartment for a low-flow version as soon as I moved in. If such practices seem sensible rather than neurotic to you, then there is a good chance we are on the same wavelength.
What does this all mean? It means that I have a very strong affinity for things that show how amazing the human experience and our world are, and I am passionate about doing what I can to make sure that that amazingness is protected for future generations.
There’s another verse from that same Over the Rhine song that says a lot about how I approach romantic relationships:
“Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you
Whatever you got
I don’t mind.”
We all have ghosts and skeletons and fears and needs. Anyone who can’t admit that is much worse off than those who can. I’ll learn to live with yours if you’ll learn to live with mine. But at the foundation of it all has to be mutual love.
What is more amazing than falling head-over-heels in love? It's AMAZING. I've experienced it more than once, but in each case either the intense love wasn't reciprocated or the rest of the puzzle pieces didn’t fit. Is it possible to have that amazing kind of love AND a good fit - emotionally and logistically - for both partners? I'd like to believe that there is a man in my future with whom it will all feel 'right', on good days _and_ bad. But, if you've read this far, I don't think I have to tell you that finding that person is a hell of a lot harder than ordering takeout. If you can relate to http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/01/i-promise-to-touch-you/, though, that's a good start for us.
I am looking for someone who will be a great friend – someone who wrestles me to the ground in play as we walk through the park and laugh and who wrestles the frown off my face at the end of a really tough day. I crave someone who is as curious about my life and the stories I have to tell as I am about his. I am looking to be with someone with whom I can have a great time on all levels, who will enjoy that I can be wickedly sarcastic at times and emotionally vulnerable at others, and with whom I share a mutual respect and strong physical attraction. No less importantly, I am looking for someone who isn't intimidated by a woman who is intelligent, who is successful, and who has dreams for her future but who also sometimes just craves a long, strong hug from someone she loves and who longs to have someone in her life who genuinely cares how her day went and takes the time to ask. Might we be a good fit for each other? If you have gotten this far into my profile and are still interested in finding out, please do drop me a note.