I'm bright, bookish, good-natured, perverse, mildly neurotic (but working on it), and easily amused. I'm mostly vegetarian, but not preachy about it. I'm nice to animals, polite to waiters and taxi drivers, and secretly nervous around children. I read Miss Manners and Dan Savage, and believe them both (mostly). I'm a pro-porn, pro-S/M, polyamorous, bisexual feminist, which can be a lot of fun.

I'm happily involved in a (very open) long-distance primary relationship. Graduate school is taking up a lot of my time and energy right now, but to the extent that my schedule allows, I'd be glad to meet good-hearted, well-mannered, politically progressive singles or couples (male, female, or in between) in the Boston area for casual dating, socializing, or play.

The older I get (and I'm heading into my forties), the more I believe in emphasizing the "friends" in "friends with benefits." I don't think sex has to be romantic, but I try only to sleep with people I genuinely like. Also, if you're attached, honesty and the cheerful consent of all parties are essential: I'm not interested in sneaking around.

I'm in a graduate program in English; I teach freshman composition, and in the summers I work part-time as an editor. I also write poetry; I've had my work published in literary journals, anthologies, and a Web chapbook, but I'm still struggling to get my first two books of poems published.

writing poems, writing academic papers, taking standardized tests (trivial but true), editing, reading poetry out loud, and reciting Shakespeare (even though I'm a terrible actor otherwise). I'm sometimes good at getting people to talk about themselves, but not always. Shy people can stymie me, especially if I don't know them well.

I used to be a pretty good contra dancer, but not REALLY good.

There are a few other things I think I'm good at, but I'd better not brag about those. Besides, you might disagree.

I'm pleasant-looking, but fat and often a little rumpled. I wear sensible shoes.

I have a slight English accent, although it's so mixed up with American consonants that half the time I sound Irish or Scottish. I smile a lot, and I'm generally pleasant to people. I'm a little shy, except when I get excited about something or very comfortable with someone--then I'm a talker. (I do try to listen as well.) I don't use people's names until I know them well, and as a result I'm terrible at remembering names.

(A) In no particular order: Invisible Man, by Ralph Ellison; Middlemarch, by George Eliot; Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen; Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy; Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov; anything by A. S. Byatt; A Suitable Boy, by Vikram Seth; the Discworld books, by Terry Pratchett; collected poems by John Donne; King Lear and Twelfth Night, by William Shakespeare; The Canterbury Tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer...it's hard to stop.

(B) This is hard, too. Here are a few favorites at random: Some Like It Hot, Gods and Monsters, Crossing Delancey, Wings of Desire, The Aristocrats, Fat Girl, Happiness, Roxanne (even though Darryl Hannah is NOT convincing as an astronomer), Angels in America, Wit, Edge of Heaven (Auf der Anderen Seite), anything by the Marx Brothers, Henry V (the Branagh version, not the Olivier version, though that's good in its own way), Looking for Richard, The Merchant of Venice (the Pacino version), and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I'll watch anything by Woody Allen, Spike Lee, or Pedro Almodovar: even if they're not always good, they're always interesting. And I enjoyed all the Harry Potter movies (and yes, I read the books as well).

(C) This varies a lot. Today it's Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville. Last week it was the Klezmer Conservatory Band. At other times it's been, say, Britten's War Requiem, or Lucinda Williams's World Without Tears. Sometimes my favorite piece is Beethoven's Ninth, which is still amazing even though it's one of the most overplayed classical pieces ever. The same goes for the Brandenburg Concertos, on both counts. A few years back, I loved Quadrophenia, by The Who, but I played that album to death. I'm very happy that a friend replaced my broken Bessie Smith CD. And I love Boiled in Lead.

(D) Blueberries, chocolate, and (believe it or not) oatmeal. Blueberries and chocolate are glamorous, but oatmeal is like an old friend.

Books, friends, contraceptives, modern medicine, contact lenses, the Internet.

self-improvement. That's not a terribly sexy answer, is it? But the truth is that I'm working on some important but prosaic things right now: losing weight, getting out of debt, getting my work schedule more organized, cleaning up The Mess That Is My Room.... I'm making progress in some of these areas, but it does involve a lot of scribbling things down in notebooks and checking things off on lists.

at home--most likely watching a Netflix video, or reading, or writing, or editing. I love movies and the theatre, but I haven't been out much since I moved to town.

In real life I'm a big feminist, and not at all interested in being pushed around. But in private and with the right person, I like playing BDSM games in which I get to be a damsel in distress (one who DOESN'T get rescued).

(1) You're fine with my being bi, but when you hear the word "bisexual," it doesn't automatically start a repeating loop porno tape in your head that blocks out all other thought.

(2) You got really good SAT scores but would never, ever brag about them.

(3) Smart women turn you on.

(4) You can be attracted to a range of body types (i.e., it's OK if I lose 50 pounds and also OK if I don't).

(5) You like talking about sex, can articulate your own limits and respect others', and are nonjudgmental about other people's sexual practices as long as they don't involve kids, nonconsent, or permanent damage.

(6) You don't physically hurt people (unless they ask you to). Including kids. Especially kids.

(7) Politically, you're somewhere in the liberal-to-lefty range on social issues (e.g., abortion, gay rights) and somewhere in the moderate-to-lefty range on economic ones.

(8) You're basically honest and kind. And when you screw up, you apologize.

(9) You basically like life. And when you get depressed, you get help (of one kind or another).

(10) You know what a safeword is.

(11) You're not a heavy drinker/drug user (occasional pot smoking is OK).

(12) You don't expect me to be perfect, but you'll tell me if I'm acting weird.

(13) If you're straight, you have gay and/or bi friends. If you're gay, you have straight and/or bi friends. If you're bi, you don't talk all the time about how oppressed bisexuals are. (Let's face it--compared with gays and lesbians, we have it easy.)

(14) You wouldn't even think of telling racist jokes, and if someone else did, you'd say something (or feel really bad for not saying something).

(15) You like me even though I'm a little neurotic, but you don't like me BECAUSE I'm neurotic.