I'm hoping to meet good-hearted, well-mannered, politically progressive people--male, female, or in between--in the greater Boston area. I'm open to anything from casual-but-friendly play partners to a committed primary relationship. I'm in a close but nonprimary relationship with peoplepuppie, who is lovely (and happily married).
I can't find a way to say this that doesn't sound rude, but I want to be really clear: You need to be a feminist to date me, even casually. You also need to be somewhat aware of issues around race, class, sexuality, and gender identity. I don't mean that you have to be an activist; just try not to be a jerk around systems of power.
The older I get, the more I believe in emphasizing the "friends" in "friends with benefits." I don't think sex has to be romantic (though it can be), but I try only to sleep with people I genuinely like. Also, if you're attached, honesty and the cheerful consent of all parties are essential: I'm not interested in sneaking around.
I'm sometimes good at getting people to talk about themselves, but not always. Shy people can stymie me, especially if I don't know them well.
I'm a pretty good contra dancer, but not REALLY good.
There are a few other things I think I'm good at, but I'd better not brag about those. Besides, you might disagree.
I have a slight English accent, although it's so mixed up with American consonants that half the time I sound Irish or Scottish. I smile a lot, and I'm generally pleasant to people. I'm sometimes awkwardly honest, but I also try to be kind. I can be a little shy, especially in groups; but when I get excited about something or comfortable with someone, I'm a talker. (I do try to listen as well.)
(B) A few favorites: Some Like It Hot, Wings of Desire, The Aristocrats, The Libertine, Fat Girl, Happiness, Roxanne (even though Darryl Hannah is NOT convincing as an astronomer), Angels in America, Wit, anything by the Marx Brothers, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I'll watch anything* by Woody Allen, Spike Lee, or Pedro Almodovar: even if they're not always good, they're always interesting. I'll also watch pretty much any film version of any Shakespeare play, even if it's terrible.
*Meaning "I'm willing to watch anything," not "I've watched every movie they've ever directed."
(C) When it comes to TV, I'm a serial monogamist--I get addicted to one show at a time, and watch it obsessively on Netflix until I'm done. Some favorites have included Orange is the New Black, True Blood, Mad Men, Girls, Breaking Bad, Buffy, Firefly, Dollhouse, and Sense8. I just finished Jessica Jones, which was compelling but hard to watch, and started Transparent, which I like so far.
(D) This varies a lot. Three of my favorite albums are Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville, The Who's Quadrophenia, and Benjamin Britten's War Requiem. I also like traditional folk music (mostly British), including punk-inflected groups like Boiled in Lead, and silly '80s pop. I gave up listening to music for a while--not intentionally, it just fell by the wayside--and I'm trying to start again.
(E) Blueberries, chocolate, and (believe it or not) oatmeal. Blueberries and chocolate are glamorous, but oatmeal is like an old friend.
Oh, wait...this is really a question about what kinds of restaurants I like to eat at, right? That varies all over the place...Thai, Japanese, French, Italian, Ethiopian, Indian, Mexican, etc., etc. I also like coffee shops and tea houses and bakeries. But most of the time I eat at home.
(F) Bonus category: Advice columns. I love them. (Well, some of them.) For all his many faults, I still like Dan Savage a lot. And I've always loved Miss Manners. But my current favorites are Captain Awkward, who's especially good at talking about boundaries, and Carolyn Hax, who's taught me a lot over the years about being a human among humans. I've also enjoyed reading Dear Sugar and Ask Bear, and I have high hopes for Mallory Ortberg as the new Dear Prudence.
Also, self-improvement. These days, that means trying to practice self-care, make progress on my dissertation, tiptoe back into writing and submitting poetry, wrestle with various forms of procrastination, and clean The Mess That Is My Room. I make intermittent progress in some of these areas, but it does involve a lot of scribbling things down in notebooks and checking things off on lists.
I love movies, the theatre, and various kinds of social dancing, and I'm trying to get out and do them more, alone and with others. I'm an introvert who often needs a gentle nudge to go out, but when I do, I often enjoy it.
(2) Smart women turn you on.
(3) You're politically progressive (liberal to left-leaning) and feminist.
(4) Seriously, I mean that last one. No exceptions.
(5) I don't really care about your SAT scores, though. That was just a shorthand for "you're a smartypants, but you're not obnoxious about it."
(6) You can be attracted to a range of body types (i.e., it's OK if I lose 50 pounds and also OK if I don't).
(7) You like talking about sex, can articulate your own limits and respect others', and are nonjudgmental about other people's sexual practices as long as they don't involve kids, coercion, deceit, or permanent damage.
(8) You know what a safeword is.
(9) You're a sweetie. I'm attracted to nice people.
(10) You can handle dating someone with bipolar disorder. (For my part, I do my best to handle my illness: take my meds, get my blood tests, see my professionals, and listen seriously if my friends tell me I'm acting weird.)
(11) You don't have to be into BDSM to date me, but it helps. (It helps even more if you're a top, or a toppy switch.) My Fetlife profile is "bookish," if you're curious.
(12) You have good boundaries, and you're good at respecting other people's. You don't hear "no" as an invitation to negotiate.
(13) You read all the way to the bottom! Congratulations! Maybe write me a note!