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46 Medford, MA Cis Woman

Cis Woman

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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 28-98
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Nov 24
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
5' 4" (1.63m)
Body Type
Special Diet
Agnosticism but it’s not important
Working on Post grad
Doesn’t want kids
English (Fluently), German (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat), French (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm bright, bookish, good-natured, mildly neurotic (but working on it), and easily amused. I'm mostly vegetarian, but not preachy about it. I'm kind to animals, polite to waiters and taxi drivers, and secretly nervous around children. I read Miss Manners and Dan Savage, and believe them both (mostly). I'm a kinky, polyamorous, queer/bisexual feminist, which can be complicated at times. It can also be a lot of fun.

I'm hoping to meet good-hearted, well-mannered, politically progressive people--male, female, or in between--in the greater Boston area. I'm dating a lovely person, but she has a wife and two other partners, so I still have a good bit of time and emotional energy available. I'm potentially open to anything from casual-but-friendly play partners to committed polyamorous relationships.

I can't find a way to say this that doesn't sound rude, but I want to be really clear: You need to be a feminist to date me, even casually. You also need to be somewhat aware of issues around race, class, sexuality, and gender identity. I don't mean that you have to be an activist; just try not to be a jerk around systems of power.

The older I get, the more I believe in emphasizing the "friends" in "friends with benefits." I don't think sex has to be romantic (though it can be), but I try only to sleep with people I genuinely like. Also, if you're attached, honesty and the cheerful consent of all parties are essential: I'm not interested in sneaking around.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Full disclosure: I'm in a weird transitional moment in my life. I was released from a psychiatric hospital a few months ago, after recovering from a serious depressive episode. I seem to be doing much better; I'm still on medical leave from my graduate program in English, but I hope to return in the spring. I've gone back to my part-time work as a freelance editor and writing tutor, and I'm looking forward to getting back to school.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
wordy things: tutoring, writing poems, writing academic papers, editing, and reading poetry out loud.

I'm sometimes good at getting people to talk about themselves, but not always. Shy people can stymie me, especially if I don't know them well.

I'm a pretty good contra dancer, but not REALLY good.

There are a few other things I think I'm good at, but I'd better not brag about those. Besides, you might disagree.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm pleasant-looking, fat, and usually a bit rumpled. My haircuts range from flapperish to butch. I wear sensible shoes.

I have a slight English accent, although it's so mixed up with American consonants that half the time I sound Irish or Scottish. I smile a lot, and I'm generally pleasant to people. I'm sometimes awkwardly honest, but I also try to be kind. I can be a little shy, especially in groups; but when I get excited about something or comfortable with someone, I'm a talker. (I do try to listen as well.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
(A) In no particular order: Invisible Man, Middlemarch, Pride and Prejudice, Anna Karenina, Lolita, A. S. Byatt's quartet of novels beginning with The Virgin in the Garden, A Suitable Boy, the Discworld books, the Canterbury Tales, poems by John Donne, poems by the Earl of's hard to stop.

(B) A few favorites: Some Like It Hot, Wings of Desire, The Aristocrats, The Libertine, Fat Girl, Happiness, Roxanne (even though Darryl Hannah is NOT convincing as an astronomer), Angels in America, Wit, anything by the Marx Brothers, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I'll watch anything* by Woody Allen, Spike Lee, or Pedro Almodovar: even if they're not always good, they're always interesting. I'll also watch pretty much any film version of any Shakespeare play, even if it's terrible.

*Meaning "I'm willing to watch anything," not "I've watched every movie they've ever directed."

(C) When it comes to TV, I'm a serial monogamist--I get addicted to one show at a time, and watch it obsessively on Netflix until I'm done. Some favorites have included Orange is the New Black, True Blood, Mad Men, Girls, Breaking Bad, Buffy, Firefly, and Dollhouse.

(D) This varies a lot. Three of my favorite albums are Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville, The Who's Quadrophenia, and Benjamin Britten's War Requiem. I also like traditional folk music (mostly British), including punk-inflected groups like Boiled in Lead, and silly '80s pop.

(E) Blueberries, chocolate, and (believe it or not) oatmeal. Blueberries and chocolate are glamorous, but oatmeal is like an old friend.

Oh, wait...this is really a question about what kinds of restaurants I like to eat at, right? That varies all over the place...Thai, Japanese, French, Italian, Ethiopian, Indian, Mexican, etc., etc. I also like coffee shops and tea houses and bakeries. But most of the time I eat at home.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Books, friends, latex barriers, modern medicine, contact lenses, the Internet.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
my dissertation, which is a lot of fun on some days and really stressful on others.

Also, self-improvement. These days, that means trying to practice self-care, make progress on my dissertation, tiptoe back into writing and submitting poetry, wrestle with various forms of procrastination, and clean The Mess That Is My Room. I make intermittent progress in some of these areas, but it does involve a lot of scribbling things down in notebooks and checking things off on lists.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
sometimes on an actual date! After my first few years as a grad student hermit, this is something of a novelty. Or I might be seeing a movie, or having coffee with a friend. But more often, I'll be at home--reading, writing, or chatting with my roommate.

I love movies, the theatre, and various kinds of social dancing, and I'm trying to get out and do them more, alone and with others. I'm an introvert who often needs a gentle nudge to go out, but when I do, I often enjoy it.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
In real life I'm a big feminist, and not at all interested in being pushed around. But in private and with the right person, I like playing games in which I get to be a damsel in distress (one who doesn't get rescued).
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
(1) You got really good SAT scores but would never, ever brag about them.

(2) Smart women turn you on.

(3) You're politically progressive (liberal to left-leaning) and feminist.

(4) Seriously, I mean that last one. No exceptions.

(5) I don't really care about your SAT scores, though. That was just a shorthand for "you're a smartypants, but you're not obnoxious about it."

(6) You can be attracted to a range of body types (i.e., it's OK if I lose 50 pounds and also OK if I don't).

(7) You like talking about sex, can articulate your own limits and respect others', and are nonjudgmental about other people's sexual practices as long as they don't involve kids, coercion, deceit, or permanent damage.

(8) You know what a safeword is.

(9) You're a sweetie. I'm attracted to nice people.

(10) You can handle dating someone with bipolar disorder. It doesn't make you uncomfortable when people bring up the subject of mental illness. (For my part, I do my best to handle my illness well: take my meds, get my blood tests, see my professionals, and listen seriously if my friends tell me I'm acting weird.)

(11) You don't have to be into BDSM to date me, but it helps. (It helps even more if you're a top, or a toppy switch.) My Fetlife profile is "bookish," if you're curious.

(12) My sexual tastes are quirky and unpredictable, but I tend to be especially attracted to butch, androgynous, or tomboyish women; trans*/genderqueer people; absent-minded professors; geeks with social skills; and anyone who makes me laugh.