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34 Portland, OR Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–37
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Aug 23
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Strictly other
Agnosticism, and very serious about it
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Has a kid
Likes dogs
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I listen to Hans Zimmer whilst driving and pretend I'm on the cusp of some epic event, as opposed to something more mundane like driving to the store for eggs, or back to the gym because I forgot my stuff.

I'm Agnostic, which literally means 'without knowledge.' So, I'm humble enough to not pretend that I know a particular thing, when I don't actually know it. I'm also a pragmatist. I believe I apply these two ideologies in almost every endeavor I undertake.

On that note; to my knowledge, a magical bearded white guy does not live in the sky. And if he does, he's an asshole.

I Elvis as a verb.

I read lots of books but I rarely understand what I'm reading so I just furrow my brow and pretend. Similarly, when people speak to me about complicated matters I just nod my head and smile.

I wear my obscurity on my sleeve via malnutrition, tight clothes and bad tattoos. That way everyone can see how original I am. I love to dress up like elvis Costello and hit the mean streets of Portland on a Saturday afternoon and judge everyone who doesn't look super sad, pensive and poor.

Oh, I'm left-handed. To me that is significant. Though I'm not sure why. Probably because it's my only shot at being a minority, thus providing me some much needed street cred.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
After two years traveling the country for work and play, visiting other countries, and exploring all that I could, I'm moving back to Portland, readying myself for commitments, and settling down. I may even get a dog! Because of my disdain for taxes, and Portland's increasing popularity, I may endeavor to live on the Washington side. Don't judge me.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Getting through airport security really fast

Multi-day wilderness backpacking

Arguing, cordially

NOT bringing anything from this website to fruition

Elvis-ing as a verb

buying shirts that fit me perfectly then shrinking them in the dryer after one use, rendering said shirts useless

being awkward

people watching

picking things up and putting them back down then picking them up again

telling who the good guys are. My people meter is fucking dialed in.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm dumber than I look. (And I look pretty feckin dumb.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Anarchy Evolution
The Closing of the American Mind
The Closing of the Western Mind
A People's History of the United States
A History of Knowledge
The Untold History of the United States
The Davinci Code
Angels and Demons

The Grand Budapest Hotel
Les Misérables
Igby Goes Down
In Bruges
Medicine for Melancholly
Star Wars Trilogy
Lost in Translation
The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Motorcycle Diaries
Reign Over Me
Man On Fire
The Big Lebowski
The Perks of being a Wall Flower

The Daily Show
Real Time with Bill Maher

Bruce Springsteen
The Decline, by NOFX
The National
The Black Keys
John Lee Hooker
Otis Redding
Bad Religion
Thievery Corporation
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Flogging Molly
The Weakerthans
Willie Nelson
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
And my Raybans
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
in the gym picking things up and putting them down because I lack social skills.
Update: probably on a plane.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I used to stutter
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You've got good birthin' hips

You can tell me how not to fail at Burning Man.

You will be supportive of my endeavor to learn to drink scotch. (I'm going to Scotland soon so this must happen beforehand.Update: Went to Scotland. I am now a former scotch drinker. I've moved on.) Incidentally, I'm going to Paris and am now trying to learn French.

Please do NOT message me if you watch Fox News for any reason other than sheer comedic entertainment. Or perhaps if you're researching idiots, sycophants and crazy people.

Also, If you believe in a magical, bearded white dude who lives in outer space, chances are we might not go very far.

You take good care of yourself, within reason. Vices are more than ok, but having a complete lack of concern for your physical, mental, and emotional health makes for a less captivating person.

You don't mind that I dropped the F Bomb twice in my profile.

You liked most of the movies I listed I would probably have no choice but to be very fond of you

you are ok with a slightly abrasive, yet not quite sardonic sense of humor.

you didn't have to look up the word sardonic just now.

you were, somehow, able to discern some of the more truthful, sincere comments from all of the BS I wrote.

you had the interest, gumption, and spare time to actually read all of the afore-mentioned bullshit I wrote on this silly page.

you want to go snowboarding, backpacking, or have a fondness for beer, wine, and conversation.

As a side note, it's unlikely I will message you. I'm actually quite shy at first, which, in part, brings me to this website... Cheers.