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46 Nashua, NH Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 35–55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Jul 24
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Full figured
Graduated from masters program
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hello! I'm looking to add more people to my life, either as friends or romantic interests. I am relatively new (slightly over two years) to polyamory but finding it very interesting; it seems to fit my fundamental personality, and also my beliefs about the world and human nature.

I am currently involved with one person. I met jeff___ on here-- good work, OKC algorithm! Nonetheless, there is definitely still room in my life for more love and connection.

Some of you may have seen me here before under another name. Earlier this spring I was doxxed (had my personal information published online, including excerpts from my OKC profile) by one of the lovely users on the website where I work. I was pretty freaked out and hid my profile for several months; now I'm venturing back out under another name.

My new name comes from an old joke among programmers: "it's not a bug, it's an accidental feature." Something I have noticed about people, myself included: every aspect of who we are comes with both positive and negative attributes.

For example, I have great emotional intelligence (feature) but have been labelled "too sensitive" (bug). I'm capable of big intuitive leaps (feature) but sometimes those leaps are incorrect and I don't realize it for a while (bug). I sometimes procrastinate unpleasant tasks (bug) but I often do so by cooking or baking for people I care about (feature).
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm born but not dead... there's no telling what I'm liable to do. (lightly paraphrased from Zora Neale Hurston)

My professional background is in social work, but I have found a new career doing community management for a video gaming website. (I promise I am not making that up.) It's a weird life, but definitely an interesting one! I work from home most of the time, which means that meeting new people (and generally not being isolated) is an ongoing challenge. I also spend most of my time which people younger than I am (20s and 30s) which means that I don't always have a ton in common with people my own age.

I consider myself a geek and find that I almost always end up in relationships with programmers / engineers / web architects / project managers. It's not required, of course, but we'll connect better if you at least have some background in geek or internet culture.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Balancing pragmatism and idealism. Being a mom. Finding new ways to be paradoxical. My job. Telling stories. Remembering your stories for an improbably long time. Puzzles and resource-management games. Helping people sort out their thoughts and feelings. Helping people sort out their closets and basements. (Seriously, you have never had a cleangasm like you will have with me.)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Big smile, big rack, big brain. I like those things about myself, so I'm okay with having them noticed.

It's also true that I have big honesty (with myself first and foremost), a big ass, and big emotions. I am not always completely comfortable with those parts of me, but being human is a package deal.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
When I was little, I wanted to be a librarian. I never went that route, but I have spent 3+ years (at various points in my adult life) working in bookstores. I love talking about books, analyzing books, comparing books. I'm not a snob, but I do have opinions. I won't be pushy, though, and I'm interested in your thoughts as well.

In recent years I have gone to very few movies. I still love 80s-style action movies, though-- ask me about my favorite movie explosions of all time. I do enjoy occasional romantic comedies, though I don't expect anyone to watch them with me if they aren't interested.

Overall I think that genre fiction/film deserves more appreciation. Like a sonnet, the constraints are significant and the artistry is in how one works within those constraints to create something fresh and new.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Assuming basic needs (food, water, shelter) are met...
-my son
-my medications (silly immune system thinks pollen = doom, etc)
-connections with other people
-being able to contribute to the world in ways big and small
-the internet.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Everything... and then wondering why I can't stop thinking about EVERYTHING. It's another featurebug.

To clarify a bit, I think a lot about life, human nature and human interactions. Who are we? How could we structure our society to better balance the goals of personal freedom and interpersonal connection? Am I arranging my life in a way that is consistent with my values and priorities? Am I so busy trying to *understand* life that I have neglected the actual business of living?

If all this sounds like boring gibberish, we probably wouldn't get along (or would quickly run out of conversational fodder). If it sounds like interesting gibberish, though, maybe we should talk. :-)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Since I have half-time custody, half my Friday nights are spent at home-- usually chatting online or playing video games. (My son's bedtime is 8, so I have time to kill after he's asleep.)

The other Friday nights... well, let's just say I try to make the most of my weekends off!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't consider myself physically beautiful. In my experience, people typically are first attracted to my mind, sense of humor or personality; only after that do they begin to find me physically attractive.

Most men who message me here begin by stating that they find me beautiful, which I find irritating. I tend to ignore messages that begin that way, simply because I think "If your first statement to me is a self-serving lie, what's the point in responding to you?" That's quite possibly too harsh, but it's also true.

You may find me reasonably attractive from my photos; indeed, I assume that you won't message me unless you do. But we'll get off to a better start if you don't immediately assert that I'm amazingly gorgeous and stunningly sexy. As one of my bosses used to say, years ago, "Don't blow sunshine up my skirt!"
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
OkCupid thinks we'd be good together, or if you like what you see. Be sure to check the questions section-- I have an assortment of chatty replies over there. :-)