On a Celebrity Niceness scale of 0-10, with 0 represented by Charles Manson, and 10 by Katherine Jenkins - I rate a 7.5, which means I'm nicer than Philip Schofield but not as nice as Fern Britton.

On a Celebrity Masculinity scale of 0-10, with 0 equal to Louis Spence and 10 equivalent to Chas Bono, I also rate 7.5 which makes me less masculine than Alan Shearer, but more masculine than Tom Cruise.

On a Celebrity Handsomeness scale of 0-10, with 0 equalling Michael Winner and 10 represented by Jason Statham, I am a...
Well, I think I should let you be the judge of that.

Nice, funny, decent, happy and honest northern bloke seeks...nothing in particular, except, perhaps, The Icing On The (proverbial) Cake.

I will never EVER get to 500 words. See, I write for a living...so by the time I get home from work, I've run out of interesting, surprising, thrilling, pretty words.
All I have left are dog-end words, like job, car, bakery, tin, bird, place, Finland, shop, dinner, watch, fridge, soup, walls, round and lay-by. And they aint gonna seduce you into my arms, are they?
But as someone once said, 'Words are trains, for moving past what really has no name.' And I heartily agree. Despite the fact I make my living from them, I think words are overrated. At best they help us skirt clumsily around things we can't really sufficiently understand or explain - at worst they are just tools of manipulation, instruments of vanity, or noisy verbal firecrackers to set off to distract people from actually looking at US, and seeing the real person beneath all the bluster...and heaven help us, he's dull, or she's unhappy, or they're all just a bit lost, scared and unsure. And that's unacceptable. Innit.
What am I rambling on about?
Just that all these wordy profiles, don't matter how clever or funny they are, add up to nowt. It's generally better to meet and see for yourself. And just in general, ignore what someone has to say, just for a bit, press the mute button in your head...and watch their ACTIONS instead. Watch how they are with that waitress, or that taxi driver...it's amazing how quickly you can get the measure of em. Probably in about five minutes flat.
Is that 500 words yet? HA! And I didn't even answer the question...

Word stuff. Not doing stuff that's bad for me. Picking off menus. Listening. Interviewing famous people. Errrm. Keeping my promises (these days). Not making too many promises. Kissing.

Did I put you off, in that bit before when I was chuffing on about words and actions and shit like that?
I don't half go on with myself sometimes...
That's probably one of the first things you will notice about me...
That and my pet goat.
And my comedy walk.
And my gimp.