CliffsNotes: Born in Pittsburgh, PA. Teen years in Albuquerque, NM. College at Northwestern (Evanston, IL). Now... Silver Lake. Writer ("My Boys" on TBS). Dog person. Cheese lover.

I try to keep my side of the street clean... and take things one day at a time. I know where I'm going and I definitely know where I've been. I have giant goals but try to keep myself free from giant expectations. I believe in progress... not perfection.

And I believe time wounds all heels.

Stuff I dig? Football and "Top Chef". Coq Au Vin and New Mexican green chili cheeseburgers. Taylor's and Tommy's. I've stayed at Blake's in London and the Motel 6 in St. George, Utah. (Hey, they always take dogs.) I love Blue Note jazz and the Ramones. Motown and Bowie. Oldies and Queen. Flew to Albuquerque a few weeks ago just to see Iron Maiden... and am so not afraid of the 5th Dimension. Totally down with New Order and the Cocteau Twins.

Food field-trips and the Rose Bowl Flea Market? Huge.

Not a mama's boy... but I do take the old lady to a Steelers game every year. (Steelers/Skins 10-28-12.)

You will not come home to find me buried beneath a pile of empty Bud cans. I do not play video games. I do not have a tattoo. (Would that "Van Halen" look good now... on my shoulder? Exactly.) I do not wear body spray. I do not spray tan. I have a ton of t-shirts, but none that say "Affliction". Or "Mayhem". Or "Christian Audigier.

You will never receive an email or a text or an old Polaroid of my... you know. Not sure when this became a thing, but... we're not all douchebags.

Not a fan of corporate pizza. I do not understand Applebee's, Chili's or the Olive Garden. (I do, but I don't.) And I do not believe in "Men's Health," "Details," or "Esquire."

I'm the train they call the "City of New Orleans".

Trust me, I'm listening. Always.

You. Independent. Responsible. Confident... yet humble. Thoughtful. (That's a big one.) And someone who's not afraid to say, "F#*% it," every now and then.

In short... a work in progress. Like me.

THE KEY: A sense of humor. God, if you can make me laugh... that would rock. Massive points for that.

At the end of the day, I'd love to hang with someone who vibrates at a similar frequency. And is willing to fight for it.

I wanna grow up to be... be a Debaser. Debaser. Debaser.

...at... at... uh... you know. Whatever. Stuff. Actually, I'm good at finding things like the Bee Gees' "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" on YouTube. (You're welcome.) And going to see Morrissey. I'm great at that.

My Louboutins. Then the makeup. Then the wig.

Top Chef, Canele in Atwater Village, The Big Lebowski, LOST, Animal on Fairfax, Beatles/Who/Clash/Replacements, Wurstkuche, Shaw Bros Kung Fu films, Lazy Ox, Project Runway, the bar at the Edendale, Bourdain's "No Reservations", the Grill 'Em All truck and the taco truck on Alvarado (just north of Sunset), Rush and just about everything recorded in the 60's.

1 - The Rose Bowl Flea Market
2 - The Grand Tetons
3 - Sonic Youth
4 - The Hollywood YMCA
5 - New Mexican green chili
6 - My dog Ozzy. He's a cattle dog.

... the loveless fascination under the Milky Way tonight. 2) The Grove trolley. The Americana trolley. I mean... where do they REALLY go? And do I really wanna go there?! 3) Seriously... can they do something about the parking lot at the Silver Lake Trader Joe's?! 4) I need to get inside the Celebrity Center. Just to see it. I bet it's rad. 5) Life is so brief... and time is a thief when you're undecided. And like a fistful of sand it can slip right through your hay-yay-yands. 6) The Shakey's Pizza near Santa Monica & La Brea is not a Shakey's. It's a portal to the seventh plane of Hell. 7) I haven't been in the Beverly Connection in, like, fourteen years.

... on the couch. Just hammered. Blotto. Silly. Completely purple. In my underwear. Watching "Deadliest Catch" on the ol' Tivo. With a giant pizza. And a box of donuts. In my underwear. Blech!

I do not know what to do with women who throw faux gang symbols with their hands when taking photos. If you and your friends do that... you know, by the pool at Mandalay Bay... it's a pretty good sign that I should stay the f*ck away from you.

... you are my mother. And can lend me $10,000. And are willing to support me while I stay at home to make a non-living watching ESPN. And... and... your crazy, tattooed, jobless, alcoholic "ex" is still lurking around in the background. Because I love dealing with that energy.