Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Update: I love affirmation, but I'm not paying $9.79 a month to see
how many stars I get. So I decided I'm just going to crowdsource
it, sorry Cupid, no profit for you. It's really simple, you click
the stars, and if it's four or higher, you open a message box and
lemme know. Alright, glad we got that figured out. Cheers.
First, sorry about the picture. I can get cocky, but I swear I'm
not as arrogant, or as hung over, as that makes me look. I need
more pictures, lets take some. I've also decided that suits are
like the heavy narcotics of clothes. It may look and feel really
good, but damn will it turn you into an asshole.
I'm irreverent, sarcastic, and suffer from a severe allergy to
commitment. It's been brought to my attention that the last is
common and actually fairly healthy, which was a huge blow to my
I will never grow up. This is a choice. That doesn't mean I won't
choose what I'm responsible for, or accept unavoidable
Work is a four letter word, I'll live under a bridge before it
makes my living again. That being said, people like to pay me for
running around in the woods with a chainsaw when the forest is
burning down. My world might be complete for a day if you wanted to
come with me.
I like to run into an existential crisis at least once a day, and
prefer at least 200 mg of caffiene. If I don't get these two
things, I get cranky.
I'll take empathy, and awareness of context and perspective over
honesty any day. Whoever said honesties the best policy was either
the most socially lazy person to ever be quoted, or was tragically
autistic. So lie to me, I'd rather understand the reason for the
lie, than hear your truth and miss the motivation.
I don't believe in this "be yourself" nonsense. With every person
I've met, I've become part of a relationship. I think we become who
we are through each other. I'm more interested in who you want to
be with me.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Nice try Senor Cupido, I won't be tricked into legitimizing my use
of time. In fact I might just sit around meowing at my cat to spite
this question. So there. :p
Besides making the moneys, I like spending a lot of time
philosophising the worlds issues. I've decided the secret to
solving all of them is to give everybody a guitar and a surfboard.
If you want to help me save the world, take me out and teach me how
to use either of these things.
Desperately trying to learn to dance. When I was younger (you know,
last year when I was twenty something) I fought with swords. Yes,
like actually fighting people with them. It wasn't a reenactment
thing for me as much as feeling like dance and expression. But
dancing without the combat and aggression has never come naturally.
I want that to change.
Spolier! Only read if you want the plot ruined.
I married early and have been divorced for six years. I say "have
been," not because it's a matter of baggage, as much as it's an
internal organ. I might believe in long term relationships, but am
still suffering from emotional amnesia. Don't worry, your resume
won't be ignored if you feel that rehabilitation isn't in your
skill sets. I put this in this section because relationships are
what I'm doing with my life.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Running sentences, long flowing thoughts, sustainable period use,
ample job programs for hard working commas, and daydreaming about
annoying the shit out of editors one day when I get off my ass to
write a novel, or maybe a grammer textbook.
Being insecure for periods of time with the things I value most
about myself, which I'm starting to think is fine. If somethings
not valuable, it wouldn't matter if it was threatened right? And if
it's part of your identity, locking it up behind walls would be
tragic. So out in the open, somethings going to attack or steal it
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I have a Y chromosome? I have no idea, which is frustrating,
because if I start asking people as soon as I meet them, well,
ewww, obnoxious. But I imagine anyone that's known me long enough
that I wouldn't feel conceited asking wouldn't have a definite
memory of the very first quality they picked up on. Now I'm
curious, and frustrated, damn you silly question.
Newsflash: Polls are coming in, and the results are.....
Jessyca in Salem, Or says, "His smile, physically. His intoxicating
voice when he decides to talk about something he beliefs in."
Benjamin Curry responds with, "He's a bar room hero, sweats
charisma, and has a voice that could narrate for the gods."
Nikki in Albuquerque stated, "I walked onto the pubs patio and
drowned in his blue eyes."
Sara Sickels in Keizer says "Piss poor social skills."
Caitlyn at Arizona State went on record saying "Ben? Oh! That
obnoxiously witty Peter Pan wanna be? F' that guy."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't believe in favorite books, music, food, porn stars, pets,
colors, emotions, or any other type of thing I enjoy. Well,
whiskey, and sex. I definitely prefer there to be sex.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Well, I can't imagine a life without hyperbolic profile questions
Accomplishment without obligation, responsibility without resent,
love and desire without possession.
People, I exist with the presence of people, and most things I live
for requires them. That totally includes you.
Friends with ADHD are beyond priceless.
Six? Right, nice try.
B fucking vitamins. Technically that last was 13 answers but...
Cats, gracious enough to let you believe your meowing "I love you,"
when you really just told them "I like to lick dog poop."
Caffeine. If you had wacky hippie parents that named you caffeine,
I could sensuously murmur your name in fivteen languages for all
fourteen days at the island resort we're going to.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The nature of values, beliefs, morality, and ethics. More
importantly, how worthless they are when there's two people in the
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I spent the entirety of my twenties working eightie hours a week. I
now try very hard to be unaware of what day of the week it
PS Still broke
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I just sat here for ten minutes thinking of negatives that
might be seen as "red flags," before I reread the question and
remembered that "private" and "admit" could just mean telling you
that yes, a Pixar movie will make me cry.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Oh for crying out loud, just message me. Or put down the smartphone
and say hi to the next person you see. Seriously, just talk to
somebody soon, ok?
You think semantics is a good name for a (I wanna say companion,
but it sounds silly so) pet.
You think that life can be (not is) best living with as much health
and happyness as possible, but have spent at least a few years on
your personal epic benders trying to achieve that.
If you've ever been annoyed with people that make statements about
happyness while not seeming to know any synonyms for it. You're ok
with me being guilty of that at times.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.