When I was a kid, I secretly dreamed of abandoning the world of material possessions and becoming a MATH HOBO! Riding the rails, and scrawling brilliant proofs on the sides of box cars with charcoal.

That dream has not yet fully materialized.

Don't love the term "bi", but I'm some kind of queer. I like to think of myself as heteroflexible.

I like Burma Shave signs.

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I WOULD CROSS
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Opening a Vietnamese version of Benihana called "Phở Sizzle."

Jk.

Here are the bullet points:
• Childhood, Chicago, IL.
• College, Reed, Portland, OR. (Math/physics)
• Computational neuroscience, Chicago, IL. (The Freedman Lab)
• Algorithmic trading, Chicago, IL. (The Flash Crash)
• Software engineering, Google, Oakland, CA.

I'm in a polyamorous relationship with the beautiful, the amazing lieslweapon. And our particular brand of polyamory has very few rules. If you want to date one of us or both of us, for just sex or for romance and cuddles, be you of any sex, gender, or orientation, cis or trans, castaways, cutouts, and kinksters, we take all comers! (Wink.)

Oh, and if you're travelling, and you want to crash with me, check out my Couchsurfing profile: http://www.couchsurfing.org/people/smcclellan

Also, the following people are awesome and we frequently awesome with them (no particular order):
meeagan and cathartid
graciousmoxy
dion9 and lemniscatic
creme_anglaise and Christopher8286
JohnEv and his ladyfriend
MichaelTyping
maycat23
thedevilhisdue and konstanteyes
ecc11 and her fella
Megghead and Chalyons
little_rowboat

People have told me that I'm good at teaching things, which is great because I love teaching things! If anyone out there wants to learn juggling, Morse code, quantum physics, computer programming, how to drive a stick, how to make a delicious Sazerac, or why R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)" is the greatest song of all time, definitely drop me a line. And I love learning new things, too, so if you've got something to teach me, let's trade, maybe?

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A RIVER STYGIAN
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is that my hand is on their ass.

Favorite Movie: books.

Favorite Food: milk steak.

Favorite Log: yule.

Favorite Yul: Brynner.

Favorite Brenner: David.

Favorite David: that's where it gets complicated.

Radiolab
Group sex
My collection of textbooks by David Griffiths
Psilocybin mushrooms
Donald Glover
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

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TO FIND A LADY
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The Collatz conjecture.* Khinchin's constant. The Ehrenfest paradox. The Fischer-Griess Monster. Bell's theorem. P vs. NP. The Banach-Tarski paradox. Lychrel numbers. The holographic principle. Boltzmann Brains. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

How do you diagram the sentence "The bigger they come, the harder they fall."?

What made The Bloop? (Resolved! Icequake!)

Big numbers. (Say what you will about the limitations of language, but even with only 140 characters, we will never run out of new things to say!)

What price (if any) should I pay for the Bottle Imp?

What if we went out and taught language to apes in the wild? Would they teach it to their children? Would they develop idioms? Myths? Cities? Could we still call them "animals"?

Wampeters, foma, and granfalloons.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Collective intelligence. Could an ant colony "think" as a singular consciousness the way we do? If it did, could we talk to it somehow?

How am I not myself?

Anything and everything on tvtropes.org.

Who wrote the Voynich Manuscript?

Garden path sentences and plausible gibberish. Though, a lot more people have written about this than I have.

So if the 'I' isn't where I think, does that mean it's spelled "Teimocyl"?

(* Possibly resolved? A natural generalization of the Collatz Conjecture is algorithmically undecidable.)

Wei wu wei.

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CALLIPYGIAN
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All genres of modern music sound like Pokémon attacks to me. Electro-grime, dark wave, psytrance. I'm almost certain my Drowzee used that last one on a Nidorino, and it was super-effective.

Also, one or more of the following statements is true of me:

I once spent two days in Cook County jail.

I once had a dream that I was a vampire, and that Buffy and I went to live together under the sea, because no one could accept our love for one another.

My car is named "Vera" after Jayne's gun in Firefly.

I have a tattoo of Calvin and Hobbes on my back.

I honestly think D.E.B.S. is a great movie.

I once helped Britt Daniel from Spoon purchase marijuana.

During my first acid trip, I became convinced that Steven Hyde from That 70s Show was taking over my mind.

I high-fived Peter Sagal at a Jonathan Coulton concert.

I can solve a Rubik's Cube in under 3 minutes.

I went to a brothel in Nevada once, but all I could afford was a (free) hug from a porn star.

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FOR I AM
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Drop the "if."

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BURMA-STEVE
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