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29 Palatine, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21-35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Nov 26
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
5' 11" (1.80m)
Body Type
Agnosticism and laughing about it
Dropped out of Two-year college
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat), Latin (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Just getting this out of the way, I am poly, I am in a relationship, and I AM here to ruin the sanctity of marriage.

I have a borderline erotic fascination with kung fu movies. I am an overworked jerk, a punk whose just completely run out of angst, and a nerd of the highest order. I like to go out and have a fun adventure but I also enjoy staying in and watching a movie.

It just so happens I have mail order degrees in Murderology AND Murderonomy. I go to the gym alot, I work on my altoids, they're curiously strong. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic. I sound like a boy but I fuck like a man!
That last paragraph is all quotes, bonus points if you know where the quotes come from.

I'll probably never have enough money to move away from Chicago, but if I did I'd move to Iceland.

"It just doesn't seem that poly to me."
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work in a restaurant as a prep cook and I also work at Walgreens as a Key holder.

Planning to go back to school some day to get my Bachelors in Science.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Strategy games
Winter driving
Impersonations (ask me about my Walken)
Being a jackass
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'd like to think it's my dashing good looks, my uncommon charm, and my rapier wit.

In reality it's usually my sideburns and or the fact that I look like the guy from Fallout Boy. If you don't know who that is I am prepared to marry you in the fall.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
In order
Books:The Wu tang Manual, Born Standing Up, The Jedi Path, The Alphabet of Manliness, Louise Lamour Western novels, The Origional Conan series, The Zombie Survival Guide, World War Z, The Bad Ass Bible, Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Puddy, Quiver, Sounds of Violence, Straight Shooter, Archers Quest, City Walls, Moving Targets, Walking Into The Light, Crawling Through the Rubble, Road to Jericho, Longbow Hunters, Battle Pope, Bluntman and Chronic, Arkham Asylum: Living Hell, Seed of Destruction, Everything is Illuminated, and Kingdom Come.

Movies: MST3K the movie, The last dragon, black dynamite, the big lebowski, the jerk, elephant, wrist cutters, everything is illuminated, big trouble in little china, and tombstone.
Television: Adult swim, MST3K, Futurama, and Comedy Central Presents.

Music: Ska, Punk Rock, Metal, Hardcore, Indie, Industrial, Classic Rock, Alternative Rock, Alternative Rap/Hip-hop, And anything that pretty much doesnt Suck.

Food: most of it.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Chapstick, phone, my friends, role playing games, my car, and gas money.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why did they cancel Sealab 2021?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
With friends doing something fun or at work printing boring pictures.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've taken to adulthood quite poorly. Only in a mental way though. My body reminds me of my age at all times.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're not a zombie and you enjoy doing whatever