Still alive =).
Stil have a job =).
Have had a girlfriend for the last 2 months =D.
Life is good =).

....It's kickin my ass ^.^

BECAUSE I'M READY TO ROLL!!
So I'm messing around on the Zune Marketplace and I see a couple of metal bands I've never heard of, after listening to them for a while I think I'm ready to commit to buying their CD's
Check them out.

5 Finger Death Punch
Trivium
Godhead

Just to name a few.
-Leaf

Interesting how all the black goth/metal/rocker chicks that are compatible to me AREN'T in this state......
(SHOOTS OFF S.O.S. FLARE GUN) GET ME OUTTA HERE @_@!!!

But anyway...It's all good I guess, If life was easy it would get boring. Atleast I can fly for free (shrug) =P.

So I keep analyzing myself while I have time to find my hidden strengths and weaknesses. So far I've come to realize that I'm pretty good in the charisma department and I'm a good leader. I guess I have Delta to thank for that because almost everyone in the concourse I work in knows of the "Ramp Ninja" and even a few outside of the concourse know of me as well. I've formed a group "DFT" that recognizes the good workers and tries to keep them unified through the BS that we have to put up with there.
But what else is there?
I've noticed that when I am truely focused on getting something done, nothing can stop me. At the same time I really don't feel like the same person that I feel like outside of that focus point. It's a good thing but it still surprises me from time to time.

My weaknesses, I think I sacrifice too much. The majority of my down time is spent helping out other people with their work and in return, 3/4ths of those people won't pay me back unless told to do so by the PL. So in turn I give some and get none in return...And that doesn't sound right, in a dirty, gutter type way O.o. Anywho, I think I don't know when to stop and that can be a flaw that leads to me giving too much.
Another things I tend to do is juggle too much stuff at one time. I need to cut back on that because I can't be in 300 places at one time. Go do this, take that there, I need you here. It's stressful.

I think it's good to analyze myself and I'll probably end up doing it more and more so I'll be able to understand how I work more and more.
-Leaf

Cookin by the book
Woowwww, that's all I have to say.

Need a good place to go so I can get another one.
I was thinking about City of Ink in ATL but I'd have to drive a while.
Can anyone suggest anothe place?

I so should have called out today...CURSE THIS HONESTY!!

I guess everyone has their "head in ass" moments. I realized that I was stuck in one of those for the longest time. Yesterday at work they put me on a gate crew with one of the least likely people to do work and the first thing that came to mind was, "I'm going to have to work twice as hard now...Aren't I?". Sure enough there I am setting everything up for the gate when the guy in charge showed up late, I had everything set up and ready and then the rest of the crew came out. The flight didn't leave until 6 something and at that time it was only 2 or 3 something call me an overzealous, over achiever or whatever but I figured if I did the work now there would be less to deal with later. We finally get the flight out and have to deal with another one later on.
So when the plane comes in, like usual, I'm the first one inside to get the bags out. Then the guy that I didn't expect to do too much actually came up there with me to help out. We actually ended up talking and he was convincing me to find a better job than the one I have now, which I plan on doing, but hearing the motivational words from another person isn't a bad thing, it actually helps. I'll take everything I can get in the motivation department as of right now, my self esteem isn't a problem it's just finding a means to this end that is killing me. He also said that this job sticks people in a cycle that can't be escaped and as of late I have felt that cycle try and trap me, but I don't like it.
At the least the best thing I can do right now is stay positive until I can finally get rid of this weird insomnia.
I think I might actually be close to dealing with it. I was actually able to wake up at 9:00 today and that's a big accomplishment for me.
I only hope for better things, but in the end I've promised myself that I won't let anyone or anything beat me. As long as I believe and have my smile and take pride in whatever it is that I do I will always be happy in the end.

So yeah... As far as self esteem goes, I'm all maxed out, but as far as relationships go... I'm 0 for 2. The first lasted 8 years and the second 4 months. I'm starting to think that the best thing I could do is to continue to keep to myself. I am really getting tired of waking up with empty arms but the sorrow never lasts long. My spirit keeps fighting off the negativity and keeps it at bay. Until someone mentions something/someone from a past relationship.
It's there every time I see my first Ex's pictures of her baby and it's there when someone mentions my 2nd ex's name. I got off the bus today and one of my co-workers mentioned that I should try and get with my Ex of 4 months. No one at my work place, save a few, know about the relationship I had with her. So the whole time I'm sitting here playing dumb with him and being reminded of what I don't have any more, it's eating me up on the inside. I don't even remember the ride home, I just remember coming inside and sitting down and logging onto my computer. I need to break the cycle, I need to be free. I'm tired of living in an endless routine of coming home tired and worn out on my days off.
I need to get away from the pain...But most importantly I would like someone I could trust, I could hold..and I guess in the end love. I'm not afraid to love. What I'm afraid of is not finding someone to give that love....
In the end though, I think I should just focus more on bettering myself and repairing the damage I have suffered. Because in the end all I have is God and myself.
-Leaf