Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I want to start with a disclaimer that I'm tired of receiving
endless pictures of boobs, asses, and vaginas. I'm not a piece of
meat and don't appreciate the constant demands of bloppyjays and
hammerjammers. It's presumptuous that all I want to do is have sex.
So next time just try talking to me like a human being, because I
have more to offer than just my amazing hairy body.
Despite my feeling that my previous profile was G.O.A.T., and can
be seen linked below, I think it gave the (85% accurate) impression
that I'm inscrutable. Trust me ladies, I'm scrutable. I love being
scruted. Scrute away.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a student. The classes I take are all sciences. Physics,
chemistry, biology, that sort of thing. I will make every attempt
not to bore you with the details if you prefer not to be! Unless
you are smarter than me, which I will pretend to enjoy while
secretly nursing insecurities about how you're going to leave me
for the guy that non-ironically learned Latin "just because he
thought it was interesting." WE ALL SEE THROUGH YOU, CHAD.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I got ranked Gold Tier in this season of League of Legends, so
yeah, I guess you could say that things are getting pretty real.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have an extensive Blu Ray collection, but they're all of the orgy
scene from "Eyes Wide Shut" on a loop. Apparently you can re-watch
Blu Rays? No one told me this until very recently. In any case, if
you want any Blu Ray discs of that scene on a loop (144p, lowest
youtube quality to get maximum run-time), I will happily barter
them to you for tacos or small dogs.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
LOL MY MUSIC, FRIENDS, FAMILy, L(OVE, FOOD,. Adn sLEEP (oMg I LoVe
SlEePiNg dOn'T tElL nObOdY lol i"M sO lAzY!)
If you read that sentence and now hate my guts, congrats, we might
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Trying to be clever, and as a result I make many of the worst jokes
you've ever heard. You will need to be comfortable with this, as I
probably won't become funnier anytime soon. I will apologize, but
let's be honest: I'm not going to stop being terrible and will
assume that you secretly love them despite groaning or making
faces. Some of them you won't even recognize as jokes, as they're
just me purposefully trying to ruin social situations. But deep
down, we'll both know the sad truth: nutella is more fattening than
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Working on whatever I tend to be studying, which borders on
obsessive about scientific minutiae in ways that are not
necessarily helpful. The other night I was dreaming about
calculating the solubility constant of gold chloride in water, and
thent his mysterious fox showed up because I'd recently eaten a
Guatemalan insanity pepper (also known as the Merciless Pepper of
Quetzalacatenango) and tells me that I need to find my soul mate. I
follow him across the desert and my spirit guides -- wait, no, that
was an episode of The Simpsons. Anyway, if I recall, the episode
ends with a cargo ship full of hotpants crashing, and the end
credits roll over the song "Who Wears Short-Shorts?" What a
hilarious non-sequitur, right? Oh, those Simpsons!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are Kory Stamper, associate editor at Merriam-Webster, who will
one day provide me with many strong sons when the red comet brings
tiding of Azor Ahai's return.
Also, there's a certain amount of requisite respect that I've come
to expect that I realize is not always super common. If you have
some strongly held personal belief on whatever partisan issue, and
can't imagine being civil to someone that believes "x," then I'm
probably not the person for you. I entertain notions I don't agree
with all the time. I give the benefit of the doubt when possible.
If you can't return that, then we probably won't get along super
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.