Master of none
Cry all the time
Cause I'm not having fun
I am creative, passionate, and understanding.
I am also slow, guarded, and unconfident.
I'm a pleaser by nature.
I often sell myself short.
I'm manic-depressive but I try to keep it to myself.
At my worst I can be passive-aggressive and even unapologetic, although it takes a lot to get me there and I'm always trying to be conscientious about preventing or making up for it.
By this definition I am a humanist: http://youtu.be/Tvz0mmF6NW4
I'm left handed. Semi-ambi (lefties kind of have to be in this world).
Um, I use ellipses a lot... (<- see?) probably more than is grammatically acceptable by other people...
1. Specifically, I live in the EAV area, a few miles south of Little Five. I'm still not familiar with most of the Mid/Downtown area, so, bear with me if you ever ask me to meet there.
2. I know my profile is loooooong (it's probably worse to say that I've actually abbreviated and abridged it a lot). I believe in being upfront and honest about myself as much and as soon as possible. It's also my (obvious) nature to explain myself to the fullest, and to want other's to be able to do the same. That being said, I don't actually expect anyone to read all of this off the bat, but you can at least use it like a reference guide.
3. I try to keep things updated, but I'm always finding errors in how I previously worded myself. Feel free to ask me about anything in my "questions" or "profile" that seems vague, contradicting, or off-putting. Also, I don't mind talking about an opposing perspective: it's a great way to broaden our empathetic awareness.
I'm probably an odd mix. I've seen the term "non-binary" pop up and have had people describe me using it. It's probably accurate... I don't always exude masculinity, but I'm not predominantly feminine. (At first impression, I'll dazzle you with some fabulous moves but then defeat you in a wrestle. /hairflip)
I also don't really believe in a binary gender system, anyway. Although, I don't have any preferred pronouns, "he" is fine, and I prefer to use "they" when speaking of anyone else... just seems easier for everyone.
I identify as polyamorous. And I'll be honest, I'm not in a place to invest my self to a core level (if that makes sense). I suppose what I mean is I can't trust anyone or anything 100% and to some degree will always keep an active guard. Given the rare opportunity, one day my guard could disarm, but in the meantime it doesn't mean I can't or don't still love and care for people close in my life and have meaningful relationships with them.
I am NOT a possessive or jealous person, nor do I condone unhealthy amounts of those feelings. Moderate amounts are okay as long as you can manage it on your own accord. (We are adults and each accountable for our own emotions.)
I'm never putting on a front... I couldn't imagine living life trying to maintain an outer facade. Though, I hardly give an accurate first impression of my true nature. I can be too honest and over-explanative about things (obviously), which I guess is too much for some people (?)
The people I do connect or become close with seem to really appreciate my sincerity. I harbor an ambition for truth, awareness, and honesty... between everyone. I want to be around others that find it as much a challenge to be anything but honest.
I can be overanalytical (no shit, right?), but am usually really lax, maybe to a fault. I'm really good at socially adapting when I want to: If get a minute with your sense of humor I'll have you laughing and being boisterous and stuff. I take after my dad in being an oversized kid, and will be until I'm a dead kid... I am NOT above swordfights, tag, or tickle fighting with people. I wish more people were playful. And hugged. I'm all about the hugs, I hate that people fear them.
I love to see passion and sincere expression in people. My passion has burned at different fluxes through my life. I'd love to be around those who could spark it.
I also love to see curiosity in people, particularly a mind constantly searching for better understanding. I feel that when someone believes they have come to understand all that there is to know, they have only settled for ignorance. I wish to always remain open to the fluidity of humanity and my surroundings.
I'm a visual artist. I work in traditional and digital mediums. My favorite being ink (pen and brush, quill is growing on me). I think I'd have a great knack for music but I'm afraid to start creating it if that means losing some of its magic. Other things that do magic for me: cold temperatures, the hues teal, cyan, and pthalo blue, overcast weather, rain... I like meat and coffee, too.... + ASMR sounds, movements, and touches virtually immobilize me. I have a strange infatuation with deep sea divers, the outfit and the concept of deep sea exploration. I am in awe at giant squids: they terrify but also mystify me.
A few topics ignite me:
1. namely animal rights.
2. LGBT rights, gender equality. Just equality in general. I hate hierarchies, corporate ladders, and anything that says one human being or animal is less than another.
3. And more than any of those that anchors at my core is child development and security. Especially child safety. Which is true for most, but this evokes a lot of passion... a lot of anger out of me. You can figure out why from my 'private thing to admit' section. There is nothing more desirable to the limit of my emotion than rescuing another's childhood. I've considered making a career tangent to help child victims, but I'm not entirely sure that's a healthy line of work for me to be in, yet...
My dichotomy: I'm sort of 3 parts logic 2 parts emotion, and after I've oscillated between a mind based on the whims of feelings and then a mind entirely based on apathetic rationality, these two sides are unusually divided entities in my head and it's almost like a conversation between a scientist and an evangelical when they both have something to say.
I spent a lot of my life constructing mental walls for one reason: protecting myself from emotional danger. Thereafter, it took me 7 years to surpass an apathy complex. I try and urge anyone else never try control their emotion or pain, apathy is what you'll get and it is a much worse prison.
I used to be an INTP, then an ENTP, and now I'm apparently an INFP.
tumblr = http://caelestisabyss.tumblr.com
<3 = http://rainymood.com