Master of none
Cry all the time
Cause I'm not having fun
I am creative, passionate, and understanding.
I am also slow, guarded, and unconfident.
I'm a pleaser by nature.
I often misrepresent myself in person and will probably sell myself short.
I'm manic-depressive but I try to keep it to myself.
At my worst I can be passive-aggressive and even unapologetic, although it takes a lot to get me there and I'm always trying to be conscientious about preventing or making up for it.
By this definition I am a humanist: http://youtu.be/Tvz0mmF6NW4
I'm left handed. Semi-ambi (lefties kind of have to be in this world).
Visual artist: I work in traditional and digital mediums. My favorite being ink (pen and brush, quill is growing on me). I think I'd have a great knack for music but I'm afraid to start creating it if that means losing some of its magic.
Other things that do magic for me: cold temperatures and cold hues-- teal, cyan, and pthalo blue. I love my overcast weather and rain... I'm a meat and coffee fan.... I watch some of those creepy ASMR videos, but that shit in real life seduces me.
I have a strange infatuation with deep sea divers, the outfit and the concept of deep sea exploration. I am in awe at giant squids: they terrify but also mystify me.
Um, I use ellipses a lot... (<- see?) probably more than is grammatically acceptable by other people...
I know my profile is loooooong (it's probably worse to say that I've actually abbreviated and abridged it a lot). I believe in being upfront and honest about myself as much and as soon as possible. It's also my (obvious) nature to explain myself to the fullest, and to want other's to be able to do the same. That being said, I don't actually expect anyone to read all of this off the bat, but you can at least use it like a reference guide.
(Note: I try to keep things updated, but I'm always finding errors in how I previously worded myself. Feel free to ask me about anything in my "questions" or "profile" that seems vague, contradicting, or off-putting. Also, I don't mind talking about an opposing perspective: it's a great way to broaden our empathy.)
I seem to be an odd mix. I've seen the term "non-binary" pop up and have had people describe me using it. It's probably accurate... I don't always exude masculinity, but I'm not predominantly feminine. (At first impression, I'll dazzle you with some fabulous moves but then defeat you in a wrestle. /hairflip)
I also don't really believe in a binary gender system, anyway. No preferred pronouns; I mean, "he" is fine, but I just use "they" when speaking of anyone... just seems easier for everybody.
I identify as polyamorous. And I'll be honest, I'm not in a place to invest my self to a core level. I suppose what I mean is I'm unable to trust anyone or anything 100% and to some degree will always keep an active guard. Given the rare opportunity, one day my guard could disarm, but in the meantime it doesn't mean I can't or don't still love and care for people close in my life and have meaningful relationships with them.
I am NOT a possessive or jealous person, nor do I condone unhealthy amounts of those feelings. Moderate amounts are okay as long as you can manage it on your own accord. (We are adults and each accountable for our own emotions.)
The people I do connect or become close with seem to really appreciate my sincerity. I harbor an ambition for truth, awareness, and honesty... between everyone. I want to be around others that find a challenge to be anything but honest.
I can be overanalytical in the inside (no shit, right?), but usually lax on the outside, sometimes to a fault. I'm really good at socially adapting when I want to: I tend to pick up other people's senses of humor like a changeling. I take after my dad in being an oversized kid, and will be until I'm a dead kid. I wish more people were playful. And hugged. I'm all about the hugs, it sucks that people fear them.
I love to see passion and sincere expression in someone. My passion has burned at different fluxes through life, both roaring furnace and a faint ember. I want to be around those who can spark it.
I want to be around minds in search for better understanding. I feel that when someone believes they have come to understand all that there is to know, they have only settled for ignorance. I wish to always remain open to the fluidity of humanity and my surroundings.
A few topics ignite me:
1. namely animal rights.
2. LGBT rights, gender equality. Just equality in general. I hate hierarchies, corporate ladders, and anything that says one human being or animal is less than another.
3. And more than any of those, the anchor at my core is child development and security. Especially child safety. Which is true for most, and this will evoke a lot of my passion... and a lot of anger out of me. There is nothing more desirable to the limit of my emotion than rescuing another's childhood. I've considered making a career tangent to help child victims, but I'm not entirely sure that's a healthy line of work for me to be in just yet.
My dichotomy: I'm, uh, like, 3 parts logic 2 parts emotion. I oscillated between a mind based on the whims of feelings (for 16 years) and then a mind entirely based on apathetic rationale (for 7), these two sides used to be unusually divided in me... it can still be like a inner dialogue between a scientist and an evangelical when they both have something to say.
I used to be an INTP, then an ENTP, and now I'm apparently an INFP.
tumblr = http://caelestisabyss.tumblr.com
<3 = http://rainymood.com