Master of none
Cry all the time
Cause I'm not having fun
I used to do the introspective analysis thing all the time; anymore, I find it hard to begin describing myself. But here we go...
I am creative, passionate, and understanding.
I am also slow, guarded, and unconfident.
I'm a pleaser by nature.
I often sell myself short.
At my worst I can be passive-aggressive and even unapologetic, although it takes a lot to get me there and I'm always trying to be conscientious about preventing or making up for it.
1. Specifically, I live in the EAV area, a few miles south of Little Five. I'm still not familiar with most of the Mid/Downtown area, so, bear with me if you ever ask me to meet there.
2. I know my profile is loooooong (it's probably worse to say that I've actually abbreviated and abridged it a lot). I believe in being upfront and honest about myself as much and as soon as possible. It's also my (obvious) nature to explain myself to the fullest, and to want other's to be able to do the same. That being said, I don't actually expect anyone to read all of this off the bat, but you can at least use it like a reference guide.
3. I try to keep things updated, but I'm always finding errors in how I previously worded myself. Feel free to ask me about anything in my "questions" or "profile" that seems vague, contradicting, or off-putting. Also, I don't mind talking about an opposing perspective: it's a great way to broaden our mutual empathy/understanding.
I'm probably an odd mix, or at least I think so. I've seen the term "non-binary" pop up and have had people describe me using it. It's probably accurate... I don't always exude masculinity, but I'm not predominantly feminine. I also don't really believe in a binary gender system, anyway.
At first impression, I'll dazzle you with some fabulous moves but then defeat you in a wrestle. /hairflip
I identify as polyamorous. That said, I'm not in a place to invest my self at a core level (if that makes sense). I suppose what I mean is I can't trust anyone or anything 100% and to some degree will always keep an active guard. Given the rare opportunity, one day my guard may disarm, but in the meantime it doesn't mean I can't or don't still love and care for people close in my life and have meaningful relationships with them, whatever the dynamics.
I am NOT possessive, nor am I a jealous person, and I don't condone unhealthy amounts of those feelings. Moderate amounts are okay as long as you can manage it on your own accord. (We are adults and each accountable for our own emotions.)
I'm never putting on a front... I couldn't imagine living life trying to maintain an outer facade. Though, I hardly give an accurate first impression of my true nature. I can be too honest and over-explanative about things, too (obviously), which I guess is too much for some people (?)
The people I do connect or become close with seem to really appreciate my sincerity. I aspire for truth and harbor a desire for awareness and honesty... I just find it a challenge to be anything but honest.
Um, I use ellipses a lot... (<- see?) probably more than is grammatically acceptable by other people...
I can be overanalytical (no shit, right?), but am usually really lax (almost to a fault). I'm really good at socially adapting when I want to: If get a minute with your sense of humor I'll have you laughing and being boisterous and stuff. I hope to never settle into "boring adult status", not if that means I can't swordfight, tag, or tickle fight with people. I wish more people were playful. And hugged. I kind of hate the fear of hugs.
I love to see passion and sincere expression in people. My passion has burned at different fluxes through my life. I'd love to be around those who could spark it.
I also love to see curiosity in people, particularly a mind constantly searching for better understanding. I feel that when someone believes they have come to understand all that there is to know, they have only settled for ignorance. I wish to always remain open to the fluidity of humanity and my surroundings.
I'm left handed. Semi-ambi (lefties kind of have to be in this world).
I'm a visual artist. I work in traditional and digital mediums. My favorite being ink (pen and brush, quill is growing on me). I think I'd have a great knack for music but I'm afraid to start creating it if that means losing some of its magic. Other things that do magic for me: cold temperatures, the hues teal, cyan, and pthalo blue, overcast weather, rain... I like meat and coffee, too.... + ASMR sounds, movements, and touches virtually immobilize me. I have a strange infatuation with deep sea divers, the outfit and the concept of deep sea exploration. I am in awe at giant squids: they terrify but also mystify me.
A few topics ignite me:
1. namely animal rights.
2. LGBT rights, gender equality. Just equality in general. I hate hierarchies, corporate ladders, and anything that says one human being is less than another.
3. And more than any of those that anchors at my core is child development and security. Especially child safety. Which is true for most, but this evokes a lot of passion... a lot of anger out of me. You can figure out why from my 'private thing to admit' section. There is nothing more desirable to the limit of my emotion than rescuing another's childhood. I've considered making a career tangent to help child victims, but I'm not entirely sure that's a healthy line of work for me to be in, yet...
My dichotomy: I'm sort of 3 parts logic 2 parts emotion, and after I've oscillated between a mind based on the whims of feelings and then a mind entirely based on apathetic rationality, these two sides are unusually divided entities in my head and it's almost like a conversation between a scientist and an evangelical when they both have something to say.
I spent a lot of my life constructing mental walls for one reason: protecting myself from emotional danger. Thereafter, it took me 7 years to surpass an apathy complex. I try and urge anyone else never try control their emotion or pain, apathy is what you'll get and it is a much worse prison.
I used to be an INTP, then an ENTP, and now I'm apparently an INFP.
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