Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This recent time period's thing that is pretty awesome, presented
without any comment whatsoever:
I am a regularly confused person with mixed feelings on where he is
going in life and a sense of discontent with himself that he has
not yet reconciled with reality. Also, I write overly pretentious
self-summaries on dating websites. If I could make a living off
words that don't make sense, by god, I would be rich.
Also, I'm one of the world's best Binding of Isaac players. If you
know this game, you know that this is not an attempt at bragging so
much as it is a desperate cry for help.
The more time I spend on this website, the more I become convinced
that I may well be its most boring man. I see profiles with stuff
like, "I am always being creative, I volunteer at a hospital for
mentally disabled animals with drug addictions before spending my
evenings at an orphanage for disenfranchised White Martians, and
then I get three hours of sleep while simultaneously practicing
photography and cliff-diving needlepoint." And I think, "well, I
came home from work, ran around with my dogs and played some
Morrowind, so...points for me."
So, everything above this line was written two years ago. Now,
8/2/2013, I am finally adding this sentence: I am dealing with this
complex by trying to do more shit. That's right: Only took me two
years to figure that one out. I'm a quick one.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am working at a software company as a security specialist, while
attempting to get my flabby ass in shape enough to pursue martial
arts, as it's something I dearly wanted to do as a teenager but
never found the time for. Writing periodically fits in here
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Doing right by other people. Swearing. Feeling overly concerned
about things I perceive in myself that are probably not an issue.
Basically, being insecure. I'm totally awesome at being insecure,
with a minor in coming to terms with it. But this is gradually
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
You know, you'd have to ask them. But you can't ask them, because
you don't know them. We're at an impasse, OKCupid. I don't know
what we can do about this one. I'm so sorry it didn't work out, I
understand if you never want to talk to me again. I'll always have
a place in my heart for you, OKCupid. You'll always be my first.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books in no particular order except the first:
-Gateway by Frederik Pohl, a wonderful, underrated book that I read
far, far, far too early in my life for its subject matter and I am
thankful for that on a daily basis
-House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski, though admittedly less from
an emotional perspective and more from a technical appreciation for
-Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand (okay it's a play and not a
traditional book but it's my list so fuck you), which basically got
me through my adolescence
-James Robinson's run on Starman, one of the few comics that makes
-more things I'll think of later when it's not three in the
Movie: As Good As It Gets, The Royal Tenenbaums, Kiss Kiss Bang
Music: way, way too random to list, but anything's welcome although
I admit having serious problems accepting country music in my life
due to an exponential level of repetitions of "She Thinks My
Tractor's Sexy" during high school gym class
update: I was always dissatisfied with this answer, as it seems far
too nonspecific. To better elucidate on my melodic schizophrenia, a
randomly-generated pull from my library returned Chiddy Bang, Meat
Loaf, Paul Simon, Jacques Brel, LCD Soundsystem, Sabaton, the
Scissor Sisters, Weird Al, Black Sabbath and The World/Inferno
Friendship Society. Yeah.
Update, 7/18: I've discovered Tally Hall's "Be Born" makes me tear
up. I don't know what this means for my future as an adult, but it
can't be good.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
-My friends. Mind you, I am aware this is the most cliche and
overused answer on this site and, I daresay, every self-summary in
the history of mankind. All the same it is true, and especially so
for me. I do not have a family in any traditional sense of the
term; my friends ARE my family. Without them I'm pretty sure I
would shrivel up and die.
-My capacity for using my body. I'm a lifelong gamer, nerd and
office worker, so this feels like something of a weird oxymoron,
but it's true. I love kickboxing, I love jiu-jitsu, I love (and
hate) working out. I'd like to learn how to dance, but my
German-Swedish-American background leaves me inherently incapable
-Singing, which is funny, because aside from maybe two or three
people I never do it in front of human beings. The emotional egress
is too good, but I am a tad too embarrassed by it.
-My computer. I'm pretty sure without the grace of a PC I would
devolve further and further and be one day found naked in my
backyard, banging on a rock with another, smaller rock.
-My complete inability to do math or count.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Matters of politics that I will likely never have an impact on nor
will they have a noticeable impact on me (living in the bay area
means I am thankfully immune to most GOP issues, but seriously,
what the fuck, North Carolina), horrendously nerdy things about
comic books and video games and the evolution of both as
storytelling mediums, and the slow, inexorable death of my sense of
carefree living now that I am old enough to realize that my pursuit
of money ruins my ability to enjoy pretending my cardboard box is a
Also, when I'm going to stop being a commitmentphobe and get my
Morrowind and Green Lantern tattoos.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Collapsing from a prolonged workweek into a pile formed by my dogs
and looking forward to a weekend of punching inanimate (but cushy)
objects and relaxing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I often question whether or not I am actually a real human being.
My ongoing questioning of this has brought me to the discovery that
"This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" by the Talking Heads might
actually wholly summarize me as a person, and I'm not sure how to
feel about that.
Also, I hit the Like button on tons of people because I can't
actually figure out how to say hello to them without it being
either boring or creepy, and it's the passive, neurotic way of
saying "hey, you're neat." Because, obviously, people give a shit
about if I Like them on the internet.
Also (2), I'm bothered by the realization that I will never be as
pretty as "Stand and Deliver"-era Adam Ant.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I was always dissatisfied with my answer to this question, because
"if you want to" is a kind of a copout. Moreover, it was something
of an excuse--I was always vaguely terrified of somehow offending
someone by messaging them, consequently I'd leave the burden of
doing so on them.
I'm not quite so terrified of this anymore. But getting messages is
wonderful, because people on the internet are interesting and the
egostroke of being interesting enough to warrant messaging never
gets old for my terminally neurotic ass.
(alternately: if you know who Kazushi Sakuraba is, drop me a line.)
Who are you looking for?
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