Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This recent time period's thing that is pretty awesome, presented
without any comment whatsoever:
I am a regularly confused person with mixed feelings on where he is
going in life and a sense of discontent with himself that he has
not yet reconciled with reality. Also, I write overly pretentious
self-summaries on dating websites. If I could make a living off
words that don't make sense, by god, I would be rich.
Also, I'm one of the world's best Binding of Isaac players. If you
know this game, you know that this is not an attempt at bragging so
much as it is a desperate cry for help.
The more time I spend on this website, the more I become convinced
that I may well be its most boring man. I see profiles with stuff
like, "I am always being creative, I volunteer at a hospital for
mentally disabled animals with drug addictions before spending my
evenings at an orphanage for disenfranchised White Martians, and
then I get three hours of sleep while simultaneously practicing
photography and cliff-diving needlepoint." And I think, "well, I
came home from work, ran around with my dogs and played some
Morrowind, so...points for me."
So, everything above this line was written two years ago. Now,
8/2/2013, I am finally adding this sentence: I am dealing with this
complex by trying to do more shit. That's right: Only took me two
years to figure that one out. I'm a quick one.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am working at a software company as a security specialist, while
attempting to get my flabby ass in shape enough to pursue martial
arts, as it's something I dearly wanted to do as a teenager but
never found the time for. Writing periodically fits in here
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Doing right by other people. Swearing. Feeling overly concerned
about things I perceive in myself that are probably not an issue.
Basically, being insecure. I'm totally awesome at being insecure,
with a minor in coming to terms with it. But this is gradually
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
You know, you'd have to ask them. But you can't ask them, because
you don't know them. We're at an impasse, OKCupid. I don't know
what we can do about this one. I'm so sorry it didn't work out, I
understand if you never want to talk to me again. I'll always have
a place in my heart for you, OKCupid. You'll always be my first.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books in no particular order except the first:
-Gateway by Frederik Pohl, a wonderful, underrated book that I read
far, far, far too early in my life for its subject matter and I am
thankful for that on a daily basis
-House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski, though admittedly less from
an emotional perspective and more from a technical appreciation for
-Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand (okay it's a play and not a
traditional book but it's my list so fuck you), which basically got
me through my adolescence
-James Robinson's run on Starman, one of the few comics that makes
-more things I'll think of later when it's not three in the morning
(I WROTE THIS LIKE A YEAR AND A HALF AGO AND HAVEN'T FIXED IT YET I
AM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON)
Movie: As Good As It Gets, The Royal Tenenbaums, Kiss Kiss Bang
Music: I was always dissatisfied with my "I like everything"
answer, as it seems far too nonspecific. To better elucidate on my
melodic schizophrenia, a randomly-generated pull from my library
returned Chiddy Bang, Meat Loaf, Paul Simon, Jacques Brel, LCD
Soundsystem, Sabaton, the Scissor Sisters, Weird Al, Black Sabbath
and The World/Inferno Friendship Society. Yeah.
Oh, but I'm pretty sure I don't like Sam Cooke.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
-My friends. Mind you, I am aware this is the most cliche and
overused answer on this site and, I daresay, every self-summary in
the history of mankind. All the same it is true, and especially so
for me. I do not have a family in any traditional sense of the
term; my friends ARE my family. Without them I'm pretty sure I
would shrivel up and die.
-My capacity for using my body. I'm a lifelong gamer, nerd and
office worker, so this feels like something of a weird oxymoron,
but it's true. I love kickboxing, I love jiu-jitsu, I love (and
hate) working out. I'd like to learn how to dance, but my
German-Swedish-American background leaves me inherently incapable
-Singing, which is funny, because aside from maybe two or three
people I never do it in front of human beings. The emotional egress
is too good, but I am a tad too embarrassed by it.
-My computer. I'm pretty sure without the grace of a PC I would
devolve further and further and be one day found naked in my
backyard, banging on a rock with another, smaller rock.
-My complete inability to do math or count.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Matters of politics that I will likely never have an impact on nor
will they have a noticeable impact on me (living in the bay area
means I am thankfully immune to most GOP issues, but seriously,
what the fuck, North Carolina), horrendously nerdy things about
comic books and video games and the evolution of both as
storytelling mediums, and the slow, inexorable death of my sense of
carefree living now that I am old enough to realize that my pursuit
of money ruins my ability to enjoy pretending my cardboard box is a
Also, when I'm going to stop being a commitmentphobe and get my
Morrowind and Green Lantern tattoos.
Also (2) why Natalie Imbruglia wasn't a huge deal.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Collapsing from a prolonged workweek into a pile formed by my dogs
and looking forward to a weekend of punching inanimate (but cushy)
objects and relaxing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I often question whether or not I am actually a real human being.
My ongoing questioning of this has brought me to the discovery that
"This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" by the Talking Heads might
actually wholly summarize me as a person, and I'm not sure how to
feel about that.
It used to be that I hit the Like button on tons of people because
I couldn't actually figure out how to say hello to them without it
being either boring or creepy, and it was the passive, neurotic way
of saying "hey, you're neat." (Because, obviously, people give a
shit about if I Like them on the internet.) Lately this has gotten
even weirder because I find I tap that button on people who seem
awesome but whom I know I will not at all reach out to--people who
don't want to talk to yet another cis-guy on the internet,
etc.--because it seems exceedingly impolite to me to not do it if I
think they're awesome. I have put so many unnecessary layers of
thought on this fucking dating website Like button, my friends. So
Also (2), I'm bothered by the realization that I will never be as
pretty as "Stand and Deliver"-era Adam Ant.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
So, I used to have a different answer here, and then it was pointed
out to me that the thing that's made me send the most messages on
this website is my incredible need to answer questions posted in
these profiles, and I should be doing the same. The fact that I did
not think of this on my own is disconcerting. Yet here we are,
Thus, you should message me if you have thoughts on:
-If you'd rather be a werewolf or a mummy
-If "The Stroke" or "Lonely Is the Night" was Billy Squier's finest
-If Mario could take Vladimir Putin in a fight
-If there's any hope that the internet will stop being a terrible
place for women
-If you occasionally have no idea why you're here.
(alternately: if you know who Kazushi Sakuraba is, drop me a line.)
Who are you looking for?
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