So hi. You seem like the looking-around type. :) What are you wanting?
A. Dunno. Can’t we just meet up and see how we get along?
Hmm. I like your style. Though I’ve got a couple base criteria. [Go to “Turn Ons” or “Deal Breakers.”]
B. A girlfriend. Maybe.
That might work. I’m open to a number of arrangements, but the thought of being a great man’s girlfriend definitely appeals. [Go to “Me in a Nutshell” to see if I’m the kind of girl you’ve got in mind (or go to “What I Want” to see if I might be looking for you. Or “First Dates” if you want to get down to it.)]
C. A wife for life.
I can respect that. I’m wanting to take things slow in that department. Very slow. I’m not that traditional in terms of wanting the ring, the house, the kids. [Go to “My Past.”]
D. Sex. Duh.
Well, in the right contexts, we’re all here for sex, I’m assuming! Let’s see if the pegs and holes might match up. [Go to “Sex” (or “What I Want”)]
What I Want
I’m looking for sincere connections with men who care about this world, care about their friends, and care about themselves enough to know what they want, how to get it, and how not to wreck other people as they do so. Could range from “relationship light” to solid partnership. If you’re a 9-5’er or programmer/nerd type, we’d be best matched if you have a philosophical/creative side, too. It’s all about the facets…
-Keep going…[Go to “Turn Ons” or “Me Nutshelled”]
Strong, capable hands. Smiles that reach into your eyes. Insouciance. Determination. Empathy. A beat-up passport. Offering instead of being asked to help. A big stack of books. Thoughtfulness in general. Volunteering. Follow-through. Adventurousness. Hardiness. Wickedly good communication skills.
Sound like you? Message me already!
INTP. Ambitious, but in the sense I want to find work I find meaningful and enjoyable while collaborating with friends (right now this looks like doing genetics policy, bioethics, and creative writing). Like to keep all the mental and physical wheels and cogs turning. Curious. Fiercely peaceful. Determined. Who you call when stuff is rough. A lover of ambiguities. A lover, period. Likes understanding systems. Wants stuff done better. Works hard. Not perfect. Stubborn. Happy. Likes to shift old logs and see what crawls out from underneath, literally and metaphorically (the atavistic dark appeals).
-Um, you’re a little intense. [Yes, I’ve been told so. But really, I’m silly and very human, too! Go to “Random Stuff” or “Sex”]
-So, tell me what you’re really about. [So glad you asked. High five. Go to “What I Fight For”]
I like it. I’m guessing you do, too. I don’t have hard and fast rules about sex, other than it has to be (hard and fast….ah, bad joke) safe and consensual, of course. I’ve got a few kinks, I’d like to explore yours, and, mainly, I want it to be both hot and respectful. Sex can have many definitions, can be many shades of experience, not all of them penetrative. That said, I don’t rush into it (but I don’t necessarily dally, either.) I like a respectful foundation and clear communication. Plus, for me it’s better if we’ve got some other points of connection than just our bodies. Brains are hot, too, and not just to zombies. Still with me?
- Yeah, that all sounds great [Cool. Go to “Turn Ons” to find out a little more]
- No. This isn’t for me. [I understand. Thanks for reading, and best wishes]
So you want to ask me out? Awesome. I prefer a quick coffee or happy hour, going Dutch, to see what we think of each other. After that I’m game for rock-climbing, hiking, dancing, learning a language together, para-sailing, a proper meal, you name it. I like clear communication about what you’re thinking/feeling, and I’ll accept wherever you’re at. I tend to be pretty independent and trust we can work out a dating pattern we both like. Email or texting works best for me, and I like at least a couple days’ notice for planning. If you’re still on board, message me already!
Some of the time I’m probably going to bore you. Unless you love sitting at coffee shops sneaking peeks at each other behind our laptop screens. I spend massive amounts of time writing my dissertation, working on my novel, and doing research. Truly, I’d love to have you keep me company at that lonely, crumb-strewn coffee shop table. Working companionably with someone else is one of my favorite things. So it sitting curled up with blankets, books, a fire, and wine. Not exactly thrilling, I know. But. When not studying, I troll the city for new places to eat, new groups to join, and new/old things to get/stay excited about. I take long road trips or use my passport. I bake pies. I climb, swim, kayak, yoga, capoeira, camp, and hike. I sing sea shanties, find smoky scotches, complete art walks, investigate museums, attend fiddle jams, watch SIFF films, go fusion dancing, and work on art projects with friends. I live it up and love it all, but be warned: I struggle for balance and am sometimes frustrated by my computer-to-real-life ratios. Still, I pack a lot in and want to meet someone else who likes both the city and the not-city and knows when to abandon the couch. I tend towards night-owlry.
- More, more, more. [Go to “Sex” or “Fighting Words” or well, anything else. Or just message me already!]
Yeah, I do have a social justice bent, and I do fight to topple disparities. I’m feminist (while loving men, just not patriarchy or what it does to men); I’m against sex/labor trafficking; I’m for arts, science, Big Data, open source, and redistributive justice. People who find creative ways to make responsible, caring, sustainable choices sexier and more exciting fascinate me. I also work/volunteer on a crisis line and fight to help people feel a little less lonely. I study genetics, mental illness, science communication, and wellness.
- Yeah, but what about your lighter side? [Go to “Laughing and Crying Matters”]
- That’s hot. [Go to “First Dates”]
The Random Shit
*I always have a book
*I curl up like a cat and sit strangely on chairs
* Oysters are not my friends but jalapenos are
*Fog and lightning make me very happy
*Iceland, Morocco, and Turkey are my next destinations
* I aim to to kite-board and learn Japanese
* Cardamom is the best smell ever
*I’m afraid of emptiness. And, a la Bowie, Americans. Sometimes.
- Fine. But really, how do you get through your day? [Get thee to “Timely Matters”]
- Too random. Could you tell me more about yourself? [Sure. Check out “Laughing and Crying Matters”]
Laughing and Crying Matters
That dry, random British sense of humor really does it for me. Absurdity cracks me up, as do bad puns and humor of the terrible tar-black sort. Slap-stick and dumb fun-poking not so much. Think more Adam’s Apples and Eddie Izzard, less Anchorman or Tosh 2.0. I tear up for little huddles of baby ducks, that moment in the book A River Runs Through It when MacLean mentions the brother’s hand, moments in Meet Joe Black, combat photojournalism, and moments when humans truly reach out to each other.
- You’re sappy. [Yep. Sometimes for sure. But have you seen Nachtwey’s photos? You HAVE to cry! But enough crying. Mores smiling. Check out “Turn Ons”]
- You’re sweet. [Aw. Thanks. (Blushes). It’s tough for me to feel emotionally open sometimes. It’s easier for me to talk about my schedule….Go to “Timely Matters”]
A willingness to wallow in masturbatory misery. Quibbling. Leading an unexamined life, or feeling “hollowed out”. Blindness toward disparities. Arrogance. Getting off on power or money. Not being able to plan something. Being luke-warm. Being flaky or mysteriously non-communicative. Not having worked on your own baggage and negative complications (we’ve all got it, and it’s no shame, but avoiding this stuff won’t make it better.) Feel like you’re looking in a mirror? We might not work out. But thank you and best wishes.
I’ve had a bit of an odd upbringing, but I made it, and what I’m baggage I’m still holding is, by dint of hard (ongoing) work on myself, pretty small. Not scary at all, promise, and I’m pretty decent at talking things through. You should know that yes, I’ve been divorced. I’m still friends with him (and most of my other exes), and the divorce happened years ago, which has given me lots of time to be thoughtful about what comes next.
And what might that be? [Glad you asked. Go to “What I Want”]
You’re being all serious. Where’s the fun stuff? [Fine, sometimes I smile. Go to “Random Stuff”]