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24 Portland, OR Man


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 19–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 9:12pm
5′ 8″ (1.72m)
Body type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Dropped out of university
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
After being on vacation for three and a half months, and seeing so many boring as fuck profiles it is quite overwhelming to see all of your beautiful faces. I just. Can't. Even. I want to smoosh all of the OKcupid faces. But then you might think me sleazy or ceepy or slutty, so I'll just sit over here in the corner and pretend I don't see anyone. Buenos días, Buenos tàrdes, Buenos noches.

P.S. I'll be home on the 9th of june.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I have grown up a very fortunate human being; I recognize this and try to feed other people with my good vibes when I can.
I'm not too worried about what I'm doing to do for my whole life, I'm pretty sure I'll survive and I'll be happy. The things I'm interested in pay my bills so that I can be a functional member of society. Part of this is probably that I've got a pretty solid plan already.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making decisions based on the outcome I want. I don't make decisions without weighing and measuring as many possible outcomes as I can. Consequentially I can't make decisions if I know that the outcome has no effect on me. For example: I am at subway, what type of cheese do I get? I always make the person crafting my sandwich decide which cheese I should eat. I tell them, "I don't care what type of cheese, any cheese, crazy cheese, double cheese. I don't care if you charge me extra for it, I want my cheese how you like it." They usually go for double cheese and don't usually charge me for it. Make friends with the people making your food, I promise good things will come of it.

Sorry, I got sidetracked on food. Decisions decisions, I'm better at the hard ones and worse at the easy ones.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Usually my glutes, most people notice me when they're in the back of my pedicab staring at my ass/legs. I'm litteraly ALWAYS getting compliments on "dat ass". Sometimes people get over confident and grab it. Just know that if you ever happen to be in my pedicab and you do touch me inappropriately-

...Just please, don't.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I usually skim if not entirely skip this section of profiles. They're usually too long and I'd rather get to know these types of things about a person offline, over time.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A place to call home
A wide selection of Oregon craft beer
A well seasoned cast iron skillet

Six things I can do without:
Angry (Violent) Drunks
Giving fucks
Soft drinks
Poorly cooked brussel sprouts
Couch bags
Flighty motherfuckers
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
doing anything. Day's of the week do not dictate my life...unless it is a Sunday and I've got to go to a bank.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
tl;dr I use a couple personally written and well thought out cookie cutter messages.

The long of it is that this website is kind of a chore for all parties. Why would you respond to someone you don't think you'd get along with, on the other side of that why would I spend 20 minutes going through your profile and writing a custom tailored letter when you're just going to ignore me? Do you know how that makes me feel about how myself and others value my time? So I created a copy paste message that is friendly, non threatening, kinda silly and could facilitate good responses. Once I figure that you're not COMPLETELY tainted by all of the "Hey baby, wanna ride this 9 inch powerhouse on full throttle" and you will talk to me like a human then I will do the same. Until then we're both robots.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
People who don't follow through bother the fuck out of me. Having something come up or simply just changing you mind are both totally fine but radio silence is not a healthy behavior in communication.

Beyond that you should totally message me if:
You understand how easily sarcasm is lost in digital translation and can forgive a misunderstanding.
You will read to me.
I can read to you.
I can cook for you.
You will braid my hair.
You will teach me to braid your hair.
We can have knitting sessions.
You tell it like it is. (communication is key in any human/human interaction)
You want to cuddle up with Netflix and some of my fantastic stove top popcorn.
You have high self esteem.
You're good at darts or pool, I'm looking for a partner in crime to help me clean house.
You want to go bouldering with me.
You agree that communication is a two way street and it isn't always a guy's job to initiate or sustain the conversation or contact.

Fuck yes or fuck off.