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25 Portland, OR Man


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 19–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 10:00pm
5′ 8″ (1.72m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Dropped out of university
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First of all I'd like to equate that photo of you smoking a cigarette to the infamous mirror selfie abs pic that women are always complaining about. Seriously. Gross.

Also, during my entire schooling period my teachers always told me that I write the same way that I talk. Doesn't that just mean I'm being me? That I'm being real? I never could figure out how to change or to "write correctly". In any case, fuck it; it gets the point across.

The last five years of my life was pretty fucking fantastic. The next five years are looking to be even better. If you'd like to collaborate things and have some awesome experiences as we float through the vastness of space then we should be the hanging out type of friends.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I have grown up a very fortunate human being; I recognize this and try to feed other people with my good vibes when I can.
I'm not too worried about what I'm doing to do for my whole life, I'm pretty sure I'll survive and I'll be happy and if you're not happy then what the fuck are you doing with your life?
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making decisions based on the outcome I want. I don't make decisions without weighing and measuring as many possible outcomes as I can. Consequentially I can't make decisions if I know that the outcome has no effect on me. For example: I am at subway, what type of cheese do I get? I always make the person crafting my sandwich decide which cheese I should eat. I tell them, "I don't care what type of cheese, any cheese, crazy cheese, double cheese. I don't care if you charge me extra for it, I want my cheese how you like it." They usually go for double cheese and don't usually charge me for it. Make friends with the people making your food, I promise good things will come of it.

Sorry, I got sidetracked on food. Decisions decisions, I'm better at the hard ones and worse at the easy ones.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Usually my glutes, most people notice me when they're in the back of my pedicab staring at my ass/legs. I'm litteraly ALWAYS getting compliments on "dat ass". Sometimes people get over confident and grab it. Just know that if you ever happen to be in my pedicab and you do touch me inappropriately-

...Just please, don't.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I usually skim if not entirely skip this section of profiles. They're usually too long and I'd rather get to know these types of things about a person offline, over time.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A place to call home
A wide selection of Oregon craft beer
A well seasoned cast iron skillet

Six things I can do without:
Angry (Violent) Drunks
Giving fucks
Soft drinks (soda)
People who don't have even slightly decent communication skills
Cigarette smokers
Flighty motherfuckers
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The rules

TO: science

1. It's okay to be racist when you're drunk...But not really.
2.JoJos DO NOT leave the parking lot.
3.Andrew is going to be a dick about it.
4.No running with nickels.
5.Victory lap when you make a new rule.
6.Please, be gentile with Troy.
7.Old Town garage is dope as fuck. Period sex.
8. Don't fart on Friends.
9.Don't let Julia get bored.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hopefully new and or fun stuff.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
tl;dr I use a couple personally written and well thought out cookie cutter messages.

The long of it is that this website is kind of a chore for all parties. Why would you respond to someone you don't think you'd get along with, on the other side of that why would I spend 20 minutes going through your profile and writing a custom tailored letter when you're just going to ignore me? Do you know how that makes me feel about how myself and others value my time? So I created a copy paste message that is friendly, non threatening, kinda silly and could facilitate good responses. Once I figure that you're not COMPLETELY tainted by all of the "Hey baby, wanna ride this 9 inch powerhouse on full throttle" and you will talk to me like a human then I will do the same. Until then we're both robots.

Stephen Fry on God:

Also, Christmas trees are incredibly stupid.
So is Chipotle...Your argument is invalid, Chipotle is bullshit.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You understand how easily sarcasm is lost in digital translation and can forgive a misunderstanding.

You will read to me.

I can read to you.

I can cook for you.

You will braid my hair.

You will teach me to braid your hair.

We can have knitting sessions.

You tell it like it is. (communication is key in any human/human interaction)

You want to cuddle up with Netflix and some of my fantastic stove top popcorn under a projector. (hint: This is best served with a group of people in a cuddle puddle of friends with too many movies to choose from)

You have high self esteem.

You will touch my butt and buy we Tacos.

You're good at darts or pool, I'm looking for a partner in crime to help me clean house.

You want to go bouldering with me.

You agree that communication is a two way street and it isn't always a guy's job to initiate or sustain the conversation or contact.

Fuck yes or fuck off.

You don't need to have all of these skills, qualities or interests but a few would be rad.

This one.