The following is a description of me written by one of my best friends. Enjoy.

Today, the tip of my elbow to my fingers smelled like month old pussy. You must understand that this was not because I was forcibly fisting the morbidly obese, but because I had to hand wash my clothes and wash them in a dryer that had been possessed with the omnipresent phantom of cat shit.

I am a feminist, which consists of hating men, their dicks, their black, unfeeling hearts, and their persistent inability to "give me dick" and "their emotions", which I don't mind unless I am enjoying a cold Mad Dog. My intense hatred towards men and their oppressive patriarchy is matched only by my compassion for living things and nurturing instincts, which I must repress at all costs.

Do you enjoy increasing your risk for testicular cancer? I would love to assist in this process by punching you in the balls, which I can assure you will only happen if you assert that I "totally won't" punch you in the nuts. I "totally will" punch you for vague reasons and then apologize so profusely that your head will soon join your testicles in throbbing pain.

I love Elliott Smith. Fuck you. You don't even get it... just... are you a Sagittarius? I fucking knew it. FUCK YOU. GOD.

You have a girlfriend?

I knew it.

Painting, Zines, Adventures. And apparently signing up for internet dating sites.

Aggie my true love kitty cat, my BIKE, Beans, Hot Sauce, Unicorns, Elliott Smith

You don't think women should answer to men. Ever. And if you aren't a creepy old dude. Apparently internet dating gives creepy old dudes the right to email me creepy and inappropriate things. I do not agree with this. Don't do it.

Seriously. Only message me if you have something vaguely interesting to say. No, I'm not going to get naked with you or for you. No, you can't "have any". See why I keep saying men are disgusting? you know why? because you suck. I need to find a dating site for people who aren't disgusting bro dogs.