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35 Charlotte, NC Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–99
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 11:19pm
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Less than $20,000
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs
English, Spanish

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Embrace different. Reject traditional antiquated moral values. Challenge preconceived notions. Defy baseless rules. Support authentic. This I believe. I don’t know much of anything, but I am glad I at least know that much.

Just add me on Facebook most of the shit I have here is already on there and probably more up to date:

I'm a nice dude but I'm a comic with a very dark sense of humor, so if you're offended by the words cunt, fuck, shit, cocksucker, motherfucker, or pretty much any word in the English language, you're probably not gonna like me. Actually if you're pretty much offended by anything at all, you're probably not gonna like me. I don't actively seek to anger people, but after a while I may tell a joke about something you find personally offensive and you'll get mad, and then even madder when I refuse to apologize and call you out for previously laughing at jokes that others might've found offensive. Either anything goes or nothing goes. You're not the center of the universe.

That said, if you're open minded, intelligent, and have a good sense of humor I'm probably gonna love you and want to give you a hug :)

Whenever possible I like watching Jeopardy with my mom. Like a fucking gangsta. #thuglife

If we're less than a 30% Match and more than 40% Enemies then there's probably something seriously wrong with you, and you're a bad person.

I'm looking for a woman that will either jump on top of me and start fucking me in public the moment they see me, or one that will meet me at a chapel and start our date by getting married. Nothing in between.

If you ever find yourself wondering whether I'm kidding or not, odds are I'm kidding. The only thing I take seriously is comedy.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a stand-up comic. Have been for 9 years. Probably will be till I die. Read: Starving artist, travels a lot, not marriage material.

In case you missed it, "starving artist" is a romanticized way of saying "broke motherfucker". Which doesn't mean I expect anybody to buy me lunch, I just ain't paying for yours... wait, ladies, where are you going??
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
being modest.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My hat. Unless I happen to be wearing a giant chicken costume. Then I suspect they would probably notice the giant chicken costume first.

Also people tend to think I'm either Amish or Jewish because of the hat, facial hair, and the fact that I often wear dark clothes. I'm neither. I just like hats, don't shave often, and own a lot of dark clothes. It might look like I'm going to a funeral, but if you'd seen as many jokes die as I have, you'd be wearing black all the time too.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I made these lists a long time ago so they might not be completely up to date, but they will do... (Fraggle Rock is still a thing, right?)

Comedy: Mark Twain, Doug Stanhope, Dave Attell, Bill Burr, Louis CK, Mitch Hedberg, Maria Bamford, Sarah Silverman, Bill Murray, Jon Stewart, Lenny Bruce, Todd Barry, Greg Giraldo, Brian Posehn, Dave Chappelle, Norm Macdonald, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Andy Kindler, Bill Hicks, Andy Kaufman, Steven Wright, Sean Rouse, Brendon Walsh, Jim Gaffigan, Brian Regan, Neil Hamburger, Zach Galifianakis, David Cross, Patton Oswalt, Patrice O'neal, Nick Vatterott, Kyle Kinane.

Music: The Strokes, Interpol, Tool, Tom Waits, Rage Against the Machine, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, K.K. Slider, Iron Cordoba, Sigur Rós, Jeff Buckley, The Darkness, Misfits, Slayer, Frank Sinatra, Cursive, Bright Eyes, The Arcade Fire, Desaparecidos, The Hives, Leonard Cohen, The Thermals, Flaming Lips, The Flametrick Subs, The Walkmen, The Beatles, Wilco, Weezer, The White Stripes, Yo La Tengo, Tango, Jazz, Classical, Kings Of Leon, Sepultura, The Ramones, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Stellastarr, The Velvet Underground, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Drive-By Truckers, R.E.M., Queens of the Stone Age, System of a Down, Wesley Willis, The Pixies, Daniel Santos, The Dears, The National, The Libertines, The Postal Service, Radiohead, Danzig, Soda Stereo, Cafe Tacuba, Caifanes, Guns N' Roses, The New Pornographers, Pavement, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, The Doors, Franz Ferdinand, Sonic Youth, LCD Soundsystem, The Faint, The Frogs, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Pink Floyd, The Cure, Beck, Coldplay, Daft Punk, Danny Elfman, Aimee Man, They Might Be Giants, Belle & Sebastian, Death Cab for Cutie, John Prine, Daniel Johnston, Manu Chao, Wu Tang Clan, Benji Hughes, Crackers And Snackmeat, Eyes Of The Elders

Movies: Falling Down, Memento, Insomnia, Inception, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises, Singles, World's Greatest Dad, God Bless America, Windy City Heat, Trainspotting, Run Lola Run, The Neverending Story, The Devil's Advocate, Unforgiven, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Napoleon Dynamite, Edward Scissorhands, Heat, Life is Beautiful, Amelie, Braveheart, City of God, Chasing Amy, American Psycho, Seven, The Matrix, The Shawshank Redemption, Clerks, The Silence Of The Lambs, 12 Monkeys, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, The Big Lebowski, The Unbookables, Snatch, The Professional, Terminator 2, Adaptation, Death of a Paddleboat Lover, Goodbye Lenin, Waking Life, The Fabulous Baker Boys, Hero, Hiroshima Mon Amour, American Movie, Wings of Desire, Adaptation, The Thirteenth Floor, Reds, Freaks, The Dead Poets Society, A Few Good Men, A Perfect World, Picnic at Hanging Rock, Road to Perdition, UHF, Punch-Drunk Love, My Dinner with Andre, Dogville, Breaking The Waves, Short Circuit 2, Magnolia, Hard Eight, The Devil's Advocate, Fight Club, The Hudsucker Proxy, The Doom Generation, The Motorcycle Diaries, Quick Change, Salò, Groundhog Day, S.F.W., The Usual Suspects, Toy Story, Pi, Dr. Strangelove, Requiem for a Dream, The Life Aquatic, The Royal Tenenbaums, Bad Santa

Books: I don't read as much as I'd like to but some of my favorite authors are Howard Zinn, Chuck Palahniuk, Bukowski, Dostoyevsky, Nietzsche, Socrates/Plato, David Sedaris, Hunter S. Thompson, Oscar Wilde, Vonnegut, Bradbury, and some of my favorite books are A People's History of The United States, The Little Prince, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Silence of the Lambs, Fahrenheit 451, On The Road, Brave New World.

TV: Don't watch much TV anymore but when I did: The Wire, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Oz, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Battlestar Galactica, Six Feet Under, Jeopardy!, Arrested Development, Cheers, Seinfeld, Night Court, Louie, Mr. Show, The Kids In The Hall, SNL, Letterman, Conan, Kimmel, Portlandia, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers, South Park, Space Ghost Coast To Coast, MST3K, Archer, Adventure Time, most stuff on Adult Swim.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
-Air Conditioning
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
There's no fucking way people are really laughing out loud every time they type "LOL".
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Drinking/Working. Usually both at the same time.

I'm a night owl and don't often have to be up early so I prefer hanging out on weeknights (Sun-Thurs). Less crowds = Less douchebaggery.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I sliced some bread once and it was the greatest thing. Everything else just ask.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you have any questions or compliments, or if you have any money to get out of Nigeria.

Also, odds are I won't message you because I am incredibly intimidated by your smashing good looks. I will however reply to any messages sent my way regardless of who sends them. I like women that aren't afraid to make the first move.

Also, it's ok to just say "Hi" even if you haven't read my whole profile. I don't mind getting to know people through conversation. What a concept.