The most important facts:
1. I own an amazingly attractive duck suit and have worn it on occasion in public.
2. I am not a Furry.
3. Separately, I wore a cow costume repeatedly during high school.
4. Still not a Furry.
5. I went to a Justin Bieber concert whilst dressed in a white suit.
6. Justin Bieber was also wearing a white suit.
7. See? Not a Furry.
8. But also, I am not a lesbian who looks like Justin Bieber.
9. If confused by #8, please see lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com.
10. Favorite pastimes include beatboxing, haiku-writing, pun-creating.
11. I have a job that, unfortunately, does not include any of those aforementioned activities.
12. Not to brag, but I am really good at the limbo.
13. Okay, I’ll brag a little bit. Five feet, eight inches tall and I tied for second in the limbo competition at the Impulse beach party.
14. Not a cat lady.
15. Strays are okay.
16. My spirit vegetable is the artichoke -- soft, yet edgy.
17. If I were a utensil, I would be a butter knife -- soft, yet edgy.
18. For your safety and protection, don’t take this list too seriously.