I took a test today, [[Gabriel_Night]]'s Polyamorous Test.  My result?
Heavenly Perfection

According to his test, I'm poly and tolerant of poly.
I wonder if his test makes room for the possibility of a tester being tolerant of poly and NOT poly?

I'm back after some time away from OkCupid... Won't be posting about why I was gone.

But now that I'm back, I started to think about why I consistently test so low on the site's "sex vs love" quizzes. The biggest problem, to my mind, is that the opposition itself is the reason I do poorly.

Here's some context. I have no problem with sexual role-play. I have no problem with experimenting, and I, in fact, expect to do some with my hoped-for partner. I prefer the submissive position, but I'll take the "top" from time to time for the sake of both change and experimentation. Extending the acts of sex outside of our pairing slightly bothers me, in that I want to be able to satisfy my partner's every desire, but it doesn't truly bother me if she wants to try it. Large-scale orgies and casual sex are out of the equation, though. I will not participate in that, because it ruins what sex is to me.


Sex is Love for me. The act of sex is an expression of that love. I want to be a part of every aspect of my partner, to love the things that I dislike. To be able to completely rely on them. There is no distinction, in my mind, which is more important to me. Sex is merely the most physical expression of that Love.

Which is why I can't accept casual sex. It would be the equivalent of casual Love. My heart cannot bear the pain of that sort of love for every living creature, so I have to restrict who I love. I can only Love one person this way at a time. If I was capable of casual sex, I suppose I would score as one of the "horniest" Personality Types. But I can't because I want to be as gentle and loving to the One Person as I can be. Because I need to have someone to protect to love them. And I need them to be able to stand on their own two feet, and protect me, when the pain gets too much.

"This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it."

Nice freestyle poem found here: http://www.jagszone.com/other/ode_girl.html

Haven't been too bored yet (there's always plenty to occupy you time in Life), but I did want to make another post in the Journal since it's been so long.


I've disliked some of the 'superhero' movies that have come out; Superman Returns devalues the high morality Clark Kent was introduced with, and Daredevil technically qualifies as a Vigilante instead of a hero. I'm curious as to whether Ghost Rider will be a Vigilante or a Superhero, since I've never read the comics.


On a similar note, the project of the Zetman manga is starting on the Seventh novel. I recommend the series for anyone interested in dark superheroes, but warn that the enemies seem very realistic, meaning violence against girls tends to be of a sexual nature. I'm interested in how the story plays out because the two heroes present interesting extremes of values. Jin is a practical hero, claiming he wants money in return for saving people, but not really charging what it's worth. Kouga, on the other hand, has a vision of Justice similar in respects to the classical Superman. That is, the bad guy can get away, but innocents are NEVER allowed die.

I tend to stand out among my friends and the people I work with in how I regard vulgar language. In fact, some of my coworkers have been convinced that I am incapable of uttering vulgar words.

Obviously, such a statement is incorrect, since there is no physical reason why I should be any more incapable of doing so than anyone else. Several reasons do exist as to why I avoid doing so. Most notably is a lack of desire. I simply don't see the point in saying, "A fucking idiot" as opposed to, "An idiot." Secondly, it sounds so unimaginative. Seriously, I prefer something more Shakespearian in terms of an insult. I'd rather call someone a "lonely, bull-headed, pig-eared, rat-brained, itch of a waste of oxygen" than "mother-fucker." Thirdly, the nonsensical meanings of the words create within me an immense dislike.

I love puns, which means taking a different meaning of the given word than what might be intended. Another way I like to put it is I like to turn it upside down and to the right. The common use of curse words make me confused since the meaning meant is not what the word means, and the meaning meant is not what the meaning is, no matter what means I try to comprehend the meaning. My best tool for identifying meanings of current vernacular is Urban Dictionary.

Fuck is sex, but is used generically as an adjective (occasionally a noun).
Slut is an immoral woman, but is used for any female.
Shit and Crap refer to excrement, but is used generically as a noun (use as adjectives-crappy, shitty- has fallen slightly into disuse, in favor of fucking).
Cunt is acknowledged as a vulgar word, but is supposedly offensive, like bitch. For some reason, it appears to be acceptable social practice in current America to refer to women in general in this manner, many popular rap songs persist in this way.
Damn is luckily unchanged, but I wonder at the sense of an atheist attempting to send someone to hell... or, at best, to suffer negative karma.

There's one more reason I dislike using those words, and others, as often as I hear them. Effect. By specifically regulating when I use the words, I give them a different sense of power than is perceived when others do. I've been in situations where five minutes ago, my coworkers were cussing verbosely, then I said 'shit'. Three people asked what was wrong. It was a very effective demonstration of my belief that the overuse of the words diminish their effect, which, in turn, diminishes their meaning.

If I get bored again, I'll continue in this vein.

I was talking to someone earlier today, and they said, "Some people don't learn where babies come from until their 6th grade science class decides it's time for sex ed. Some people don't have parents who teach them about life in general. They have to figure things out for themselves, and sometimes, it doesn't go very well."

That person was quite right, but that doesn't mean there's any reason to accept that. I'm one of the first to say this isn't a perfect world. But I refuse to believe that I have to give up my dreams for that. I decided several years ago that this was going to be one of my windmills.

Since it's not a perfect world, I can't simply behave as if everyone has my best interest at heart (and I cannot always have theirs in my heart because of that). So I'm doing the next best thing. Some things that we do in this world are meaningless if it's a perfect world, and others are harmful. I have been deliberately altering my behavior where it would be harmful in a perfect world, and trying to create attitudes that are meaningless or required in the ideal. An example is random strangers. In an ideal world, I can walk up to them and start talking like we were old friends. In this world, that can be dangerous, depending on circumstances, with varying results. So what I try to do, is be prepared to talk politely for a short time, and determine how nice they are. If they are of a sufficiently kind mentality, I can then introduce myself and start making friends. This would not be harmful in an ideal world, although it would be meaningless. Most people seem to just hide in their personal bubble and avoid talking to strangers (One person I know said that she'd never bother to meet her neighbors) and in an ideal world, that would be harmful.

In terms of converting everyone to this way of thinking is utter failure, which is why it's just a windmill. There's no reason not to try anyway. As long as I can see the Giant, I will be charging it. Here's to hoping I find La Mancha.

Happy Harvest Festivals!!!


To G-ma & G-pa's house we go!

Sorry, that is a bit too risky for me....

I like adventure, but when all the quest is to go in circles, then it gets dull, mentally.

In your ideal sexual encounter, do you take control, or do they?

• I take control
• They take control

Shouldn't there be two more options?
o I'm a virgin
o we switch control from time to time

That feels more consistent with the other questions.

Today I went to church as normal to the Church of the Resurrection, and said hi to many of the people who hadn't seen me since I was deployed in September.

After that we had a pancake and sausage breakfast courtesy of the Men's Club.

After that, we went to the Basilica of the Assumption in Baltimore. My father went to be one of the Knights in the Colour Guard, for the procession of Bishops. We were lucky and got seats near the front for the whole mass. It's a lot better than can be on television.

There were a bunch of protesters outside when it was 4:00, that made it amusing....