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46 San Jose, CA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Online now!
Relationship Type
5' 8" (1.72m)
Has kids and doesn’t want more
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
(updated 27 Aug 15)

My profile gets long and wordy. I'm a pain in the ass to get to know well, and very picky about who gets close to me. For most of you, I'm not even worth the effort of reading more. If I showed up on your Match list, I apologize for OKC's warped sense of humor.

Say hi if you want. I'll say "hi" back. Since I hate small talk, and you're not really interested in me, we can go on with our lives having wasted very little time.


I am independent, solitary, excessively verbose, and more than a little blunt. I walk my own path and reject most labels as ill-fitting. If you really want to get to know me, don't try to fit me into a box.

For those who care, I get INTJ (the Scientist) but with a couple of those on the fringe where it can swap depending on when I take the test.


A common question I get here on OKC is "What kind of man are you looking for?" I've always said I'm not looking (which seems disingenuous on a dating site, I know, but I got hooked by the questions rather than the people.)

For once I'm going to assume that I am looking, and give some sort of answer hoping a fair number of people can pre-filter themselves:

Must not smoke (anything) and ideally never has. Must drink sparingly, for flavor, for irregular social events, and must not feel an alcoholic drink is ever a need. Must not use drugs. (Very limited even for medically necessary prescriptions. I'm not "420 friendly". I accept that it is a personal choice for others, but for a partner it's a non-starter. I'm iffy on psych drugs. I've seen a few necessary cases, but I like to live without worrying if my partner has taken pills that day to be stable.) In other words, I want a partner who enjoys life without any chemical dependency.

Must be broad-minded about gender, sexuality, race, religions, politics, economics, really any area in which multiple views exist and most of it is opinion and beliefs. Must believe all humans are deserving of equal rights, not just special sub-categories or previously unfairly treated groups.

Ideally either has no children and no desire to have children in the future, or all children are grown adults with their own lives. (I'm in the latter category.) I have no desire to go back to having a dependent, or a partner with a dependent, someone whose needs by necessity come before mine, affecting my choices and my life.

Must be interested in a long-term relationship, seeking a life partner not just hoping to date for a few years until "the One" comes along. Must be interested in a whole lot more than sex, because while sex is great, it isn't what drives and maintains a relationship. I can be interested in kinkier things (only with me as top/dominant) but those must not be prioritized.

Must be independent and capable. I do household chores and prepare meals for myself, but I will not get involved with a partner who thinks those will be my sole or primary responsibility within a relationship. Self-supporting is important, but if wealth is a driving force and motivation we probably will not suit.

Age is important, but not an exact number so much as a reflection what those numbers can mean. It's a rare many under 25 who has enough life experience under his belt to keep up in a conversation. It's a rare man under 30 who shares enough interests and is not just looking for an "experienced older woman" or a "cougar" (translate most of those as "yay, they want sex, I want sex, this will be easy.") It's a rare man under 40 who isn't thinking about having kids someday if they don't already have at least one. It's a rare man over 50 who is on the same wavelength as me on music, movies, culturally, and more. It's a rare man over 55 who doesn't put me in mind of my father in his 70s (he has aged very well, a family trait) and that's ... unappealing. I won't set a cut-off, because a guy one year younger or older that the limit could be "just right".

Looks are important, but not in the sense of rating someone 1-10 and rejecting everyone above or below a certain point. Instead, there are certain things that appeal more. (Admittedly, though, an Adonis would drop to hideously ugly if he pulled out a cigarette, so that gives an idea of the lower priority of looks.) Health, hygiene, and a number of other things can be seen in appearance, and those matter more. A smile can make loads of difference, especially when it is the normal expression.

Location is important, though long-distance can work if there is a realistic plan and expectation of changing things over time to ultimately live together. Being local does not necessarily make things easier. I'm happy meet for walks, movies, or to have some hot chocolate and pastries, but I'm in no hurry to grab a relationship, any relationship, and I hate being pressured to move at the modern pace of dating.

Almost enough for here, but if you scroll on down to "You should message me if:" you can see that I keep going and keep going. I've actually had a couple of men feel absolutely compelled to write me just to say I write too much, that I should make it short and simple, because men like them are repelled by all this. Um ... good. If this is all TL;DR (too long; didn't read) for you, and your communication style is equally short and simple small talk, you're not going to like me any better in person even if you like my smile.


I've answered a massive number of questions here on OKC over the years. I've even put explanations on a lot of them. No, I don't expect you to go through all my questions. (I usually check "Unacceptable Answers" to see where the not matching aspects are.)

Questions are actually the reason I'm still on OKC. It was somewhat of a person goal - to find and answer every question, even the stupidest ones. As of November 2014, I'd answered all the original OKC questions (the page basically tells me to go search for a match) and have only been finding user-generated questions since. I had passed 7000 early in 2015, and was up to 7494 when suddenly it dropped to 6795 in August 2015. Seven hundred questions up in smoke. (My guess is that OKC, owned by, decided to remove a bunch of questions.) I'll probably still look for profiles with questions I don't have, but the more OKC changes, the more I ask why bother logging back on next time.

Well, back up to 8313 and working through questions on two profiles with a few thousand more. This is going to take a while!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Enjoying time with my grand-puppy and building a new routine. A grand-kitten has been added to the family. I am quite grateful no miniature humans will be joining the pack any time soon.

Regularly going back and rereading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People trying to find my mission.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
... learning new software as well as testing and crashing it
... reading and comprehending
... writing - not published, except one short story, but someday!
... using lots and lots of words to express things in multiple ways (pleonastic!)
... being incredibly evasive when someone gets too pushy.
... looking up things on the internet to get answers.
... laughing at the absurdities in life.
... writing responses that get absurdly long.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Given the number of "great smile" comments, that's at the top of the list.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
It's so hard to decide on favorites as they vary with my mood and in some cases the list would get too long and still leave out something I loved.

Books, for example, Anne McCaffery's Pern novels, Broken God, Deed of Paksennarion, Red Mars series (by Kim Stanley Robinson), Heinlein and Asimov, and so much more. I once dreamed of reading every book in my middle school library before realizing how many there really were.

Movies. I adore the jet scenes in Top Gun as well as the scenes about Goose's death. Fifth Element has just the right humor to tickle my whimsy. Stargate and the subsequent TV series (watched via Netflix). Really enjoyed "Now You See Me" and "White House Down" in 2013, and the standout for 2014 was "Guardians of the Galaxy". Yes, action/adventure is my top movie preference! Sci-fi can be hit or miss, but enjoyable.

TV. I don't watch it at all, though I see bits of things at the gym. I haven't owned a TV in a while, and for a long time it was just to play console games (SNES, PS, PS2, GC, etc.) Way back I did watch such things as Babylon 5 (awesome series) and Star Trek: TNG and DS9 and Farscape and Alias- though watching series via Netflix is far more enjoyable. I clearly have a genre preference.

Music. Energy, dance beat, positive lyrics, some pop. Vocal trance, freestyle, old school rap, techno, latin dance.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Stars (sun and others)
My mind
Sense of touch
Chocolate (not really, but fun to include)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
... everything. Overthinking everything, in fact. (See how many questions I have explanations to for evidence.)

... new ways to connect stuff I already know.

... how to figure out the answer to a current problem or question or what to write about next.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
* at the gym after work, or walking on a trail, or ice-skating, or being lazy at home, or
* out with one of my adult children, or
* planning my weekend so I can get everything done and have fun too.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, but knew I didn't believe by the time I was in my pre-teens. I only celebrate things like Christmas as a secular thing - an excuse to give certain people close to me presents.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL: Don't waste time sending me a message if you cannot avoid chatspeak. Examples: "Where n CA r u?" and "Was you number?" and "I tHiNk uR cUtE". You might get a polite response, but I'll [HIDE] your profile mighty quick. (This does not mean I hate on misspellings and grammar. There's a massive difference between not being great with language and deliberately butchering it.)

IMPORTANT: I am not on OKC looking for 1) dating 2) romance, 3) sex, 4) D/s play 5) anything else that turns into a euphemism for more than "just friends". Yes, any of those COULD happen, but I don't want to be rush to "meet for coffee" to find out if "we click" so we can "get intimate" or kiss, cuddle, hold hands, make out. Give me a reason to want to know you other than wanting to test physical chemistry and prove you want me for something other than how my picture looks.

CAREFUL: I don't consider myself a feminist. That is because I believe equal opportunities, rights, and privileges should be available to everyone, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, age, race, nationality, wealth/class, or any other categorization possible. That means I don't put up with prejudices and stereotypes. I'm not a "typical woman", and expecting me to respond like one is doomed.

USEFUL: I don't care for excess small talk. It's boring. "Hello. How was your day? How was your weekend?" I could write a bot to respond (hmmmm ... now there's an idea). If you actually want to talk to ME, get me engaged in the conversation. Talk about what interests you, what you find funny, what new thing you learned today, a movie you watched, an album you listened to, a sports game (NOT basketball >_<) you saw.

ALSO USEFUL: I don't care for "nice pic" and "great smile" compliments. That tells me you looked at my profile picture, and probably nothing else. Expect a "Thank you" and silence.

BOOBY TRAP: Calling me endearments can quickly rub me the wrong way. I'm not dearie or hun or sugar or sweetie, except to one very special person someday. If there is any chance that would be you, you'll know when we're at a cutesie name point because I'll call you dearie or hun or sugar or sweetie. (Don't like that? Go back to CAREFUL and reconsider whether you really want to talk to me.)

POINT OF NO RETURN: Did you really just read all of this and get down here? If so, and you're not already reeling in terror because you're sure I'm nuts (you're right, by the way - I own all the voices in my head), maybe just maybe you've got enough crazy to travel the obstacle course called getting to know me. It'll take time, it'll take work, it's an enormous challenge, and there's no guaranteed prize. Still want to try?