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46 San Jose, CA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18-99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Today – 10:56am
Relationship Type
5' 8" (1.72m)
Has kid(s) and doesn’t want more
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Haha, okay seriously ... the romance scammers are out in force lately. One sent me a long message. At the top, he had a son named Body and was divorced. At the bottom he had a son named Kevin and his wife died a few years ago. O_o Can they not even understand the stuff they copy and paste?

(updated 19 Oct 15)
I'm selfish, opinionated, stubborn, skeptical, boring, ethical, contradictory, and much more. ("Defensive, concise, precise, and afraid" was one person's summary based on my profile.)

I joined OKC to do a personality test, got answering questions wondering how many there were. I'm at 10,791 so far (in spite of 700+ disappearing at one point) and have two profiles bookmarked with several thousand more. Does it help the match percentage? Not really, as few people have answered ones that fit into my mandatory / deal-breaker range. I visit a lot of profiles looking for more questions, but I also enjoy the essays and the wide variety of people.

Some things about me you'd learn from the questions:

I do not and never have smoked. Anything. I never will. I expect the same from a partner. I am not 420 friendly. (People related to me by blood and their partners get an exception. A partner does not.) Minor clarification: while I'm not 420 friendly, I consider it as much a personal choice as tobacco and alcohol. I'm not a crusader against drug use. I simply have no use for it myself, and no desire to have people in my life close enough to affect me use. I've seen the impact, no matter how much someone claims it doesn't harm anyone.

The only drugs I have ever taken were medical in the range of antibiotics, pain reliever, and blood thinner. I expect the same from a partner. I'm very iffy about psych drugs and the range of mental disorders for which they are prescribed. I would prefer a partner who wasn't going to crash emotionally or mentally because they failed to take a pill, or who might have wild mental side effects because they took one. I only drink on rare occasions and the only reason is enjoying the flavor of certain ones. I expect a partner's use of alcohol to be low to minimal (or none) and for the right reasons.

My relationships are exclusive and closed. I'm very opposed to cheating for any reason. I expect the same from a partner. I'm cool with people who have open and/or polyamorous relationships, but only as friends. I personally choose not to get involved more because I can't expect them to be exclusive.

I have three kids, all independent adults at this time. I raised the younger two. The third was adopted, open, and I see her and her mom occasionally. I'm now past an age where I'd consider having more children. I love my kids, but I don't really like having dependents. A partner would have to be very special for me to consider any role that led to making allowance for his time, energy, and attention being appropriated by child(ren). Ditto for an adult who wants to be cared for, really. I want my partner to be a capable, independent adult who can add to my life, not a dependent who takes more work.

I was married in 1991 and divorced in 1996. He fathered the younger two. I won't get involved with alcoholics, cheaters, or men who want traditional housewives. (NOTE: Obviously it wasn't just his issues that broke us apart. Those are just the big obvious things I won't repeat.)

I am 5'7.75" (1/4-inch curse, but I usually say I'm 5'8" for simplicity.) I'm not picky about height in a partner, other than finding extremes a little much. By that I mean shorter than 4'8" or taller than 6'8" - more than a foot would take some getting used to. My weight has ranged from 150 to 250. Ideal is around 165, particularly if I'm lifting regularly, but I love food and if I'm not being careful or my activity is cut due to injuries, I tend to go back up. My pictures are of me in the 230-245 range, so you can get an idea of how solidly I tend to carry that. I'm not too picky about weight, though beer guts tends to get a bit off-putting when they roll over a belt. Thick but solid is more comfortable. More important to me is that someone likes to be active and cares about their general health.

I'm well aware of the gender and sexuality spectrums. I am female-bodied, cool with that, but not particularly feminine. I don't fit a lot of stereotypes, and sometimes call myself gender-neutral. I know people of all sorts of variations. If you want to know about it, great, but if you want to stick to binary only we probably aren't going to get along well.

I'm somewhat involved with the local BDSM/kink community and active on FL. However, I have no "must have" kinks. If you are not into any of that, the only thing you'll run into is the fact I'm not traditional. (If you think men don't clean houses and you expect to be "man of the house" and "king of your castle", I'm not the partner for you.) If you are into BDSM/kink, I identify as relationship dominant and kink top. There are a variety of kinks I would have fun topping for, but if the only place you're submissive / kinky is the bedroom, I'm not the dominant woman you seek.

I'm non-religious, atheist (no belief in a superior being/deity), and spiritual (I'm a being controlling a physical body). I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, so I've read the Bible more than once, and know more stories from it than most Christians I've met. I don't celebrate holidays unless I want to - they're secular, but sometimes the traditions are fun, and sometimes people I care about enjoy them. I am not antagonistic toward religious people. I think beliefs hold a power of their own, and am quite likely to tell a Christian with a problem to pray about it - though having them fail to respect my beliefs and say "God bless you" is a bit ironic. I find rabid atheists as annoying as raving fundamentalists.

Obviously there is a whole lot more. My "Personality" tab says I'm more Rational, Sloppy, Literary, Independent, Nerdy, Playful, Liberal, Dominant, Greedy, Lawful, and Mathematical - and less Progressive, Spiritual, Experienced, Romantic, Spontaneous, Outgoing, Indie, Ambitious, Compassionate, Friendly and Giving. The Meyers-Briggs whatnot test says I'm INTJ (the Scientist). I'm a Pisces, but often joke that the universe made me to prove how nuts astrology was. (Someone once did a full star chart on me and said Pisces is my sun sign, moon sign, and several other planets were there to boot, but no description of Pisces has ever made any sense applied to me.) Maybe Earth Rooster fits better, but really ... if we're going to go that far, learn about me instead of a categorization.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Enjoying time with my grand-puppy and building a new routine. A grand-kitten has been added to the family. I am quite grateful no miniature humans will be joining the pack any time soon.

Regularly going back and rereading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People trying to find my mission.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
... learning new software as well as testing and crashing it
... reading and comprehending
... writing - not published, except one short story, but someday!
... using lots and lots of words to express things in multiple ways (pleonastic!)
... being incredibly evasive when someone gets too pushy.
... looking up things on the internet to get answers.
... laughing at the absurdities in life.
... writing responses that get absurdly long.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Given the number of "great smile" comments, that's at the top of the list.

I apparently don't look my age, and most people can't guess my weight. (I usually can win those carnival "guess your ____" games.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
It's so hard to decide on favorites as they vary with my mood and in some cases the list would get too long and still leave out something I loved.

Books, for example, Anne McCaffery's Pern novels, Broken God, Deed of Paksennarion, Red Mars series (by Kim Stanley Robinson), Heinlein and Asimov, and so much more. I once dreamed of reading every book in my middle school library before realizing how many there really were.

Movies. I adore the jet scenes in Top Gun as well as the scenes about Goose's death. Fifth Element has just the right humor to tickle my whimsy. Stargate and the subsequent TV series (watched via Netflix). Really enjoyed "Now You See Me" and "White House Down" in 2013, and the standout for 2014 was "Guardians of the Galaxy". Looking back at everything I watched in 2015, I'd list "Chappie" as the best, but I loved Furious 7 and several others that take a fan of the series to get into. Yes, action/adventure is my top movie preference! Sci-fi can be hit or miss, but enjoyable.

TV. I don't watch it at all, though I see bits of things at the gym. I haven't owned a TV in a while, and for a long time it was just to play console games (SNES, PS, PS2, GC, etc.) Way back I did watch such things as Babylon 5 (awesome series) and Star Trek: TNG and DS9 and Farscape and Alias- though watching series via Netflix is far more enjoyable. I clearly have a genre preference. Oh, I will watch American football, football (soccer), and Ice Hockey if they're on and I'm around a TV.

Music. Apparently I've been a fan of EDM (electronic dance music) before the name was made up -- as early as the days of freestyle. Energy, dance beat, positive lyrics, some pop. Vocal trance, techno remixes, old school rap, latin dance. Sometimes it is easier to name what I don't like. (Ick to twangy country, modern jazz, most R&B/soul, gangsta rap, and of all things, the generic EDM that is nothing but a cliche played on three keys of a synth, with a drop that goes nowhere.)

Food. I have always loved most veggies - spinach being my favorite even as a kid. I eat raw tomatoes the way some people eat apples - no core and edible seeds is a bonus. I love a medium rare steak (but stink at cooking it) and garlic mashed potatoes. Truffles, rich rich chocolate, is the best. No idea why, but I cannot stand most seafood. I like tuna - melts, casseroles - can do okay with salmon that has cheese/bread, and some clam chowders get a pass, but no matter how often I try the rest are yuck. I dislike coffee, most teas, wine, and beer. I'm a pretty frequent milk drinker (no dairy issues at all), in addition to lots of water, juices, and hot chocolate.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Stars (sun and others)
My mind
Sense of touch
Chocolate (not really, but fun to include)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
... everything. Overthinking everything, in fact. (See how many questions I have explanations to for evidence.)

... new ways to connect stuff I already know.

... how to figure out the answer to a current problem or question or what to write about next.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
* at the gym after work, or walking on a trail, or ice-skating, or being lazy at home, or
* out with one of my adult children, or
* planning my weekend so I can get everything done and have fun too.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, but knew I didn't believe by the time I was in my pre-teens. I only celebrate things like Christmas as a secular thing - an excuse to give certain people close to me presents.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
(updated 18 Oct 15)
Trying something a little different here.

If you're looking for a hookup, casual sex, an "older woman", or anything easy, no strings attached, short-term, or without worrying about the future, I'm not the woman you're seeking. I want it all, sex as part of a full and lasting relationship, and what you're offering isn't appealing to me. Save us both the time, "HIDE" my profile, and move on to the next.

If you're just looking for friendly conversation, hop on up to my "Favorite ..." section and see what interests we might share. Start a message based on that or just start off with a current interest of yours - music, books, movies, sports, games, scientific advancements, new technology. I love learning about new things.

If you're looking for a serious relationship, then I will warn you in advance that I'm very difficult to pursue. I'm going to want to know what about me interests you, not just a generic "I liked your profile" or "I'm interested". I'm going to want to know you're actually capable of mature, responsible discussion of what a relationship involves and requires to succeed. I'm not going to believe you love me in less than a day, that you've always wanted a woman like me. (I have yet to get someone to define what "like me" means beyond a woman who wants a serious relationship. Please try harder than that.) I'm going to need to be interested in you, too, which is a complex mix of things ... but be yourself and if you're interesting it will come through.


I used to have a whole long list of warnings about how to chat with me. I've shortened it to two:

(1) Please avoid excessive chat speak (e.g. "Where n CA r u?")
(2) Please avoid endearments (e.g. "honey") or shortening my name when I share it. If I call you "snowflake", it means you called me an equally silly name.
(3) Please move beyond small talk. (e.g. "How was your weekend?") I'll answer, but I might as well write a bot to answer.