CoarselyRefined
30 Sunnyvale, CA
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CoarselyRefined
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My self-summary
I'm in an open relationship with my super awesome geologist girlfriend _rnr_

I'm interested in low pressure dates with fun, considerate, sexy people.
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Since I don’t yet know my audience, I’m going with an earnest tone for this profile. I’m quite witty once you get to know me, I promise.

I am a slightly shy extrovert. You’ll get my life story once I get the impression that you’d like to hear it. I will also listen intently to yours.
I try to let ideals and emotions drive my goals, while logic and pragmatism inform my choices and actions.
I’m a proactive communicator. I like to give advice to willing recipients.
I am pretty much incapable of lying, certainly of lying convincingly. My sisters will back me up on this one.
I’m a touchy-feely person but try my best to give space to those who aren't.
I am optimistic and empathetic.
I strive to be considerate and dependable.
I'm a feminist.

If you are looking for a guy who adheres to straight male stereotypes all or most of the time, I am probably not your guy. If you want someone who never does, I'm not that guy either.

Of course, you have no way to verify these things except by getting to know me, or at least by interrogating my friends.
What I’m doing with my life
I’ve been in California (and no plans to leave!) working at an awesome company as a software engineer for 9 years now.

For leisure, I like good company, good food and drink, and outdoor scenery. Cooking or going for a walk/hike is my idea of a good time, either with friends or a date.

In my experience, there is no better way for a small group of people to get to know each other than spending a few days together in the wildnerness.

I’ve done a bunch of backpacking in the last few years, largely in the Sierras and the Ventana Wilderness (Big Sur area). I did a super intense week long trip in the High Sierra a few summers ago, and have since being doing more relaxing, or at least more lightly provisioned trips. I’ve managed to spend my birthday (+- one day) in the woods for the last 6 years in a row.

I’ve been doing a lot of rock climbing. I climb mostly at the gym before work. I like the physical problem solving, the nice social atmosphere with my climbing friends, and the moderate exercise. I could be convinced to do more outdoor climbing by an enthusiastic partner.

In good times I like to run 5-10k a few times a week, but I've been fighting with a minor but persistent injury lately.

I’ve been brewing some really tasty beer with my roommate from time to time.
I’m really good at
Listening and giving advice when appropriate.

Knowing unusual facts.

Synthesizing hypotheses from said facts and envelope calculations.

Soliciting, accepting and incorporating feedback.

Planning (and executing) outdoorsy trips.

Recommending beers, even to people who don’t normally like beer. If you describe to me what you like (in food in general), I have great taste bud empathy.
The first things people usually notice about me
I can raise either eyebrow independently of the other.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality - Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jethá, Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides, The Riddle-Master of Hed - Patricia A. McKillip, A Wizard of Earthsea - Ursula K LeGuin, Nine Princes in Amber - Roger Zelazny, Foundation - Isaac Asimov, Report on Planet Three - Arthur C. Clarke, Speaker for the Dead - Orson Scott Card, Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison, Slapstick- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., East of Eden - John Steinbeck, The Kid - Dan Savage, The Commitment - Dan Savage, A Game Of Thrones - George RR Martin.

The Internet: Savage Love (and anything else that Dan Savage is involved with), On The Media, Fark.com.
Every year I grow older, A Prairie Home Companion gets better.

Movies: Miyazaki movies... my favorite is Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, Arnold action flicks, Samurai movies, Juno, Monty Python, Swingers, Little Miss Sunshine, The Big Lebowski, The Princess Bride, Stardust, Hedwig And The Angry Inch

TV: The Wire (best show period), 30 Rock, The Daily Show, Cowboy Bebop, Aeon Flux, Firefly, Star Trek TNG and Deep Space Nine

Music wise, I mostly listen to Jazz (KCSM) on the radio. The breadth of stuff they play is really great, and it brings me back to my swing dancing days.
Ska makes my nostalgic for my teenage years.
I've been listening to a ton of Blackalicious lately. I find their lyrics impressive and their themes meaningful.
I'm sometimes susceptible to dance and pop music.
Some other favorites include Cake, Foo Fighters,OK Go, Electric Six, Lady Gaga, and Peaches

Food (and drinks): I eat mostly vegetarian these days. Thai, Indian, and Italian are some of my favorites. I love to cook fondue for parties. I appreciate good beer... especially wheat beer and Belgians.

I enjoy gender transgressive art, e.g. listening to Peaches and dressing in drag on halloween.
The six things I could never do without
My sisters, who awesomely live in the area.

My friends.

Grass and trees: The city is a nice place to visit, but I need a certain amount of greenery in my life.

Lactase enzyme pills: I just like cheese too much to be lactose intolerant.

Proper footware: running shoes, dancing shoes, climbing shoes, hiking boots, and ice skates.

Sunshine: four winters in New England really made me appreciate it.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I’m super interested in human relationships, human sexuality, personal ethics, economics, politics, and generally learning any new thing.

At work I spend a lot of time thinking about how to build systems which won’t break down when hundreds of other very clever programmers use and misuse them any way they can.
On a typical Friday night I am
In good company, unwinding from a challenging day, or planning something fun.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Private things that people actually want to read varies a lot from person to person. Ask me a personal question and I'll do my best to answer it.

I have a periodic shower curtain of elements.

I dressed up as Hedwig (Angry Inch, not Harry Potter) two Halloweens ago. Drag makeup was a new and interesting skill to develop. My legs look amazing in heels.
Other previous costumes include Zapp Brannigan and Rocky (Horror, not Balboa).

My littlest sister (well, she's 24 now, but still seems little to me) corrected (hopefully most of) the spelling errors on my page.

I used to use a dungeons and dragons themed website to nag my roommates into doing chores.

I'm really bummed they changed the "Personality" section and got rid of the overlapping normal curves.
You should message me if
You are generally confident in yourself. (Of course everyone has moments of doubt.)

You are warm-hearted and open-minded.

You aren't horrified by non-monogamy in general, or the fact that I've already got a partner who I'm crazy about.

You want a buddy to go check out the local "drinking club with a running problem"
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