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Conan_the_Great

31 M Durham, NH

My Details

Last Online
Today – 1:20am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Other
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Education
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
Adversity draws [people] together and produces beauty and harmony in life's relationships, just as the cold of winter produces ice-flowers on the window-panes, which vanish with the warmth.
~Søren Kierkegaard
What I’m doing with my life
Future Disney orchestrator and Admiral General.

Also, for fun I sometimes bust fake Nigerian profiles. Have a voicemail from an angry Nigerian dude on my phone to prove it.
I’m really good at
hearing in color.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Rammstein, Rubinstein, my Romanian beer stein
The six things I could never do without
The six other members of my immigrant-size family.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Supposedly, the average American male thinks about sex every six seconds... or some other arbitrary number that made its way into a junk science publication. My next project. Effects of magnetism on ethics. Why two billion people live earn less in a day than I spend on a coffee. Why most 80-year-olds are much happier than 20-somethings. Why the best things in life are free but free things are the most expensive. Why doing the right thing is so hard.
I’m looking for
  • Straight girls only
  • Ages 22–31
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends
You should message me if
She was used to fairly standard dates: the guy who took her to the ER because his popped zit wouldn't stop bleeding, the guy who accidentally ripped her blouse while dancing, the guy who proclaimed his love and and threatened to kill them both if she didn't accept his marriage proposal.

So in late November, when a funny bearded brown dude invited her on a first date helping him put up the walls of his outhouse next to his cabin in the woods, naturally, she accepted.

And that's how my parents got engaged by midnight on Christmas Eve...

***

Typical online date scenario resulting from Valentine's Day desperation: guy attempts, by some ostentatious display, to convince girl he is more awesome than his competition. If he qualifies for a category such as "impressive", "funny", or "needs my help" without triggering warning signals, girl replies to his email out of perhaps dozens of less enticing prospects.

They agree to meet for coffee, or worse, dinner.

Girl's pictures are out of date. Guy is less confident than he appeared over the Internets, and forgets to inquire why she's a HUGE Eat-Pray-Love fan. She put it in her headline for a reason, dammit. Girl is disappointed.

Likely outcomes:
A) Nice smiles, split tab, intact egos
B) Guy crudely propositions girl, revealing lack of class and actual seduction ability
C) Quotidian boring date or disaster scenario to be recounted at bachelor[ette] party
D) the HOLY GRAIL of internet dating: mutual infatuation at first glimpse, thereby justifying activity on said site, struggling to reinvent a fantastical how-we-met story for the in-laws, and ultimately perpetuating the species as advertisements for Apple's new iDate product.

Please resist your subliminal urges to kiss, punch, or otherwise assault your computer monitor.

***

People talk about that "spark". Brilliant sparks fly, lighting up the night, and they burn out in a moment if they don't set alight a flame of friendship. And we're left alone in the dark, wondering what might have been, as time passes by. Life is short. Life is a tragedy. And life is beautiful when you can stand inside stormclouds and see all the colors of the wind.

Message me if you sprint the last 100 yards of a 5k, give your ice cream cone away to homeless people, play practical jokes on your senile relatives, kiss outside in a thunderstorm, place the crushed mushy limp dandelions from an excited child into your nicest vase.

Or message me if you're scared to death of doing these things, but the idea of throwing your life away with little acts of generosity excites you.

Fortune sides with [s]he who dares
~Chinese fortune cookie