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31 • M • Durham, NH
- Last Online
- Today – 1:20am
- 5′ 11″ (1.80m)
- Body Type
- Relationship Status
- Relationship Type
- Doesn’t have kids
Also, for fun I sometimes bust fake Nigerian profiles. Have a voicemail from an angry Nigerian dude on my phone to prove it.
- Straight girls only
- Ages 22–31
- Located anywhere
- Who are single
- For new friends
So in late November, when a funny bearded brown dude invited her on a first date helping him put up the walls of his outhouse next to his cabin in the woods, naturally, she accepted.
And that's how my parents got engaged by midnight on Christmas Eve...
Typical online date scenario resulting from Valentine's Day desperation: guy attempts, by some ostentatious display, to convince girl he is more awesome than his competition. If he qualifies for a category such as "impressive", "funny", or "needs my help" without triggering warning signals, girl replies to his email out of perhaps dozens of less enticing prospects.
They agree to meet for coffee, or worse, dinner.
Girl's pictures are out of date. Guy is less confident than he appeared over the Internets, and forgets to inquire why she's a HUGE Eat-Pray-Love fan. She put it in her headline for a reason, dammit. Girl is disappointed.
A) Nice smiles, split tab, intact egos
B) Guy crudely propositions girl, revealing lack of class and actual seduction ability
C) Quotidian boring date or disaster scenario to be recounted at bachelor[ette] party
D) the HOLY GRAIL of internet dating: mutual infatuation at first glimpse, thereby justifying activity on said site, struggling to reinvent a fantastical how-we-met story for the in-laws, and ultimately perpetuating the species as advertisements for Apple's new iDate product.
Please resist your subliminal urges to kiss, punch, or otherwise assault your computer monitor.
People talk about that "spark". Brilliant sparks fly, lighting up the night, and they burn out in a moment if they don't set alight a flame of friendship. And we're left alone in the dark, wondering what might have been, as time passes by. Life is short. Life is a tragedy. And life is beautiful when you can stand inside stormclouds and see all the colors of the wind.
Message me if you sprint the last 100 yards of a 5k, give your ice cream cone away to homeless people, play practical jokes on your senile relatives, kiss outside in a thunderstorm, place the crushed mushy limp dandelions from an excited child into your nicest vase.
Or message me if you're scared to death of doing these things, but the idea of throwing your life away with little acts of generosity excites you.
Fortune sides with [s]he who dares
~Chinese fortune cookie
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