We're exclusively emotionally committed to each other, but from time to time we also like to involve other lovely people. Life's too short to not see what happens when new variables are introduced to the equation!
If you're only applying for standard platonic friendship, that's cool too, but we're really looking to fill a part-time position with benefits. We offer flexible hours, unique training and education opportunities, a very therapeutic health and wellness program...Sorry, no Dental!
Either way, potential for long-term friendship is important! We get along best with educated, progressive liberal geeky types. We're pretty open-minded, so it doesn't really matter what shape your noodle represents in the alphabet soup that is the gender spectrum, as long as you're into both of us or someone's into each of us. For all you straight single guys who are only after her, we regret to inform you that (like a quart of ice cream and a haunting sense of crippling regret) we are strictly a package deal!
We've also made a pretty permanent decision to not have kids. Though kids aren't a dealbreaker, we'd prefer to serve as your occasional getaway from them. If finding time for childfree hang outs is excruciatingly difficult, we might not be your cup of tea.
- Still waiting on a response from the Evil League of Evil. But our application is strong this year! A letter of condemnation from the Catholic Church!
- Burning an effigy of Sallie Mae.
- She does social work. He teaches computer classes and uses the magic of cutting edge technology to bring forth the very images from your mind's eye into physical existence from thin air (it's amazing how many people this doesn't impress!)
- Keeping our mischievous bunny from tearing apart the damn place. Alas, to a critter with oversized incisors, every problem looks like a carrot.
Him: Tolerating an intolerable amount of silliness, building computers, sapping sentries, reading Discworld bedtime stories (Yes, he does the voices!), cooking. Pretending he's horrible at cooking so that she will feel bad and do the cooking. He's about as good at writing epic plotlines for D&D as she is at derailing them.
Both: Redditting, Laughing at stupid people on relationship advice forums whose problems could easily be solved with a simple adult conversation.
Seriously though, it's gotten to the point where craning her neck up to kiss presents a danger to spinal health. We've defaulted to showing affection by having him kiss the top of her head while she eats his shirt buttons. It might sound adorable, but shirts add up, man!
Both - His Dark Materials, Discworld, ASOIAF
Her - Harry Potter, Shakespeare, Omnivore's Dilemma, Marquis de Sade, Manga in general
Him - The Dark Tower, The Shadow of the Wind, anything by Joe Abercrombie, Carl Hiaasen, Bernard Cornwell's Saxon Tales because fuck yeah vikings!
Both - Shawn of the Dead, Serenity, Amelie, Moonrise Kingdom, Assorted Miyazaki movies
Her - Musicals, Disney princesses, Dreamworks, Beetlejuice, Rocky Horror
Him - Idiocracy, Thank You For Smoking, Inception, Hot Fuzz, Everything Is Illuminated, Brave
Both - Archer, Firefly, Attack on Titan, Game of Thrones
Her - A history of shameful reality wedding TV shows. And animal cops / anything Animal Planet.
Him - Louie, Maron, Inside Amy Schumer, Damages, Bored to Death, Pushing Daisies, Walking Dead, Sherlock, Girls, Downton Abbey, Veep, Vikings, Breaking Bad, Futurama, The Thick of It, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Her - Classic rock, Metal, David Bowie, Rolling Stones, Blue Oyster Cult
Him - Would rather be listening to audiobooks or podcasts. If he's writing, it'll be some theme-appropriate movie or game soundtrack.
Both - Mediterranean, Indian, Sushi, Cookies
Her - Parmesan, Cheddar, Mozzarella, Gouda, Bleu, Brie
Him - Grill me a cheese
Her - What?!
Him - GRILL ME A CHEESE!
Her - I WILL NOT GRILL YOU A CHEESE!
Him - *sob*
2. A functioning circulatory system
Him: Seriously? You're gonna do one of those?
Her: Yes! It's my list!
Him: Fine, but you've wasted 3, keep going...
6. Custom-modded Raider CS-35 Nerf gun
1. The internet
2. A d20
3. Comedy podcasts (UYD, KatG, MBMBAM, One-Shot, PADLC)
5. Library Card
6. My amazing girlfriend (because a little flattery can't hurt!)
- How completely overdone it is to mention the zombie apocalypse in your OkCupid Profile.
- How, inevitably, the kind of people we get along with best are still totally the kind of people who mention the zombie apocalypse in their OkCupid profiles (we love you all, dearies!).
- We filled the profile completion bar to 100% and didn't even get a cheevo? Screw this! We're gonna build our own dating site! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the dating site!
- Did Zynga or EA buy out OkCupid? Cuz this right here is some Pay to Win bullshit!
- She never really liked Arrested Development. She says that's not something she keeps private but he insists it goddamn ought to be!
- You're emotionally mature and can handle an open conversation about your no-no places. (Or "yes-yes places" if you're a glass-half-full type)