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34 Gaithersburg, MD Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Not at all
Atheism, and laughing about it
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Has dogs and dislikes cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I wake up, eat, I read anything- comics, books, cereal boxes, I write, I eat, I watch TV then I go to sleep. I obey Boober Fraggle's rules of weekly laundry while watching Animation Domination. (Or random DVDs during reruns or the summer.)

I am currently unemployed again. I was in school but I got sick for a week and had to withdraw. I'm trying to rebuild my life in every respect. It's not easy but nothing worthwhile, save for making Rice Krispy treats, is. I know I could work and go to school. I could do one well and do a half assed job at the other. I managed to make the Dean's list for the last two semesters I was there. Not this time though. A lot of crazy things happened. (My creative writing bug bit and I restarted a long abandoned novel.)

Sometimes I do stuff like walk the dog or make dinner because the crazy people I rent from (IE: the creatures who created me) say it's my turn. I don't mind taking care of the dog most of the time. Dinner is another matter. I can't make anything other than TV dinners, peanut butter sandwiches, Rice Krispy treats or pizza without burning the house down. Do you ever wonder why Mythbusters has at least 3 episodes dealing with Kitchen safety? That would be me.

One friend told me that I have all the compassion and tact of Dr. Leonard Horatio McCoy from Star Trek. The first I'll take as compliment, it's the last part I'm not so sure about. Though it is probably a fairly accurate.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Watching far too much TV, reading comic book trades and not much else. I have a sporadic game group going but during the school year we only get together every sixth months or so. That might change if I can get 2-3 more players on a different game. No players under 18 admitted without parental approval. This isn't because of the language used at the gaming table (most of the time) or the amount of in character sex and violence (most of the time), the attempts to keep in character political/ethical discussions friendly (most of the time) but simply that in my experience most players under that age don't appreciate a non hack and slash game.

I'm attempting the 52 books challenge again for a fourth year in a row. I try to read 52 books before midnight January 1st. The first two years were real squeakers. Sadly writing my own novel has taken it's toll and I only completed 41 during 2014. 2015 has been going okay... so far since I've finished 8.5 books so far.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
writing, being sarcastic, making people laugh at themselves, making people laugh with me or at me (the latter is easier), insulting David Caruso, GMing RPGs, recalling odd trivia, heating up frozen pizzas and completely failing at everything else. Well not literally everything-- I mean it's been at least five years since I've had to ask for help prying my necktie out from an elevator door to prevent myself from being strangled. Probably because I've avoided having to wear a tie anytime I'm going anywhere near an elevator door. Which is pretty much everywhere...

By the way-- David Caruso is a block of wood who pretends to be an actor. Unfortunately, he's got a very limited imagination.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
They notice six things simultaneously...

1) First off that I absorb certain parts of the electromagnetic spectrum and reflect others.

2) That all matter in the universe is attracted to me in a way that is proportional to the distance between us and the product of our masses.

3) There is a Higgs Field around me that is constantly supplying me with boson particles which in turn supply me with observable mass.

4) That I am 95-98% dihydogren monoxide with carbon, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus and traces amounts of other elements making up the rest.

5) I often engage in a process of respiration that turns oxygen into carbon dioxide.

6) That I am an omnivorous hominid that is capable of complex tool usage along with both written and verbal communication. This would seem to indicate that I am a sentient being but that would require further study. It was once a subject of great debate among psychology majors at Towson University. The general consensus was no, I'm not.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Letters From the Earth, Sir Apropos of Nothing, Slaughterhouse Five, Slapstick, Cavalier and Clay, almost any Discworld book (Guards! Guards!, Interesting Times, Small Gods and Hogfather are particular favorites.) The Hero With a Thousand Faces, Assassination Vacation, The Pluto Files, American Splendor, Star Trek: New Frontier and The Thursday Next series.

Comics/Trades: Chris Claremont's original (and most of his second and third runs) on the X-Books. I loved X-Men Forever- probably Marvel's best true alternate reality story. Peter David's Fallen Angel, Supergirl, Aquaman and X-Factor. Giffen and DeMatteis's run on Justice League and Hero Squared, Sergio Aragones's Groo the Wanderer. Steve Gerber's runs on Man-Thing and Howard the Duck. She-Hulk when written by John Byrne, Peter David, Steve Gerber or Dan Slott.

Movies: The Sprinkler Sprinkled, The Big Lebowski, the Men in Black trilogy, the X-Men movies, Annie Hall, classic Loony Tunes, Star Trek II, III, IV, VI, VIII, XI and XII. Almost anything with Muppets in it. Oh and who can forget Monty Python or The Marx Brothers.

I also have a guilty soft spot for Ernest movies particularly Ernest Scared Stupid. I can't explain it. I think the hearing impairment granted me a super human affinity for slapstick comedy. It would also explain why I love Charlie Chaplain, early Laurel and Hardy (their silent era stuff) and what little I've seen of The Keystone Kops. Even some Three Stooges. (My favorite Stooge by the way is Larry.)

I also have a love of cheesy Japanese Monster movies.

Shows: Star Trek TOS, DS9, TNG and as much as I wouldn't have believed you if you told me I'd being saying this a few years ago- Enterprise. I gave it a second chance and if you see it mostly in order it grows on you. I'm lukewarm to Voyager. The first three seasons were ho-hum and the fourth through seventh season were trying too hard to be TNG redux. I love The Muppet Show, Fraggle Rock, The Simpsons, The Daily Show, Colbert Report, House, M.D., Mystery Science Theater 3000, Red Dwarf, Firefly, Futurama, Mythbusters, History Detectives and Nova: Science Now (when Neil DeGrasse Tyson was hosting). Of course The Twilight Zone (the original) is the best TV show ever made.

Food: Pizza, Kung Pow Chicken and sandwiches. Every September and October (when it is released) I am all about Count Chocula.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Something to read (books, comics, cereal boxes, etc.)
2) My sanity (Which was first discovered by urban archeologists buried in a Chuck E. Cheese parking lot in 2009. Prior to that, it was believed to have been destroyed by a cave in sometime around 1988.)
3) My electronic ears- Jadzia and Ezri along their bluetooth appendages Hoshi and Uhura.
4) Hawaiian shirts or geeky t-shirts in the summer and ragged T-shirts covered with turtle necks in the winter.
5) Star Trek It's kept me sane and at times given me moral guidance.
6) Bread covered with tomato sauce, cheese, meats and vegetables baked for 25-30 minutes at 400-425 degrees. (Depending on brand and style). I admit it- judge me by my favorite foods and you'd think I was a 12 old boy or some sort of mutated reptilian martial arts master.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What is the usefulness of creativity? Why is myth important if I don't believe in any sort of spiritual existence? Why won't they give me a grilled cheese sandwich at Subway? Why do people like vampires? (I exclude Count Chocula which is understandable-- and the fairly harmless Count Von Count.) Why all the dinosaur shows on Discovery Channel say things like: 'At one point all the land masses were one giant continent. This was called Pangea'? Well who called it that? Obviously not the dinosaurs. They had brains the size of a walnut.

That you can always tell who let OkCupid choose their username name by whether or not they have the place where they were born, Geek, Taco or the suffix asaurus in their name. I bet if I had let OKcupid choose my username it would have been Ohiogeektaco. (Even though I haven't lived in Ohio full time in more than 30 years.) It also would not surprise me if there was one someone going by the names Tacoasaurus, Geekasaurus or Geektaco.

Trying to figure out why you often see people with Snoopy or Charlie Brown shirts but you rarely see people wearing clothing featuring Pigpen.

I also think about possibly useful things like plots for stories and gaming sessions. My next article to write and why any day you can sneak in a Ghostbusters or Spaceballs reference is a happy one- no matter how crappy it may seem. I almost never think about whether or not people actually give a damn about what I think because I know the answer. It's no, they don't. Why? Because the architect of this profile is either a certified genius or an authentic wacko!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Catching up on The Daily Show and The Nightly Show. I miss Colbert but Larry Wilmore's show is an adequate replacement.

It will be a non-typical Friday nights when the world trembles in fear. Then Richards- we'll see how inflexible you and your science really are.... so swears the true monarch of Latveria.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ever since I was five years old I've had a recurring nightmare (I still get it once or twice a year) where I am a little kid again and my parents abandoned me on the forest moon of Endor where I was raised by Ewoks who sometimes make me work in their gift shop and casino. That's right-- Endor being the sight of the Empire's fall became such a big thing that the New Republic turned it into a tourist trap. They chopped down lots of the forest to build luxury hotels and casinos. I'm pretty sure Lando Calrissian introduced alcohol and syphilis to the Ewoks.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You know the answer to any of my questions. Or if you just need a gaming group. Or if you know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich without starting a fire. If you got the reference in my non-typical Friday night. If something on my profile made you laugh. Also if from now on, you will address me as Idiot, not you Captain. (And if you can find what I did to make my profile a very happy thing.)