Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The Shining was a terrible movie. Just terrible. Glad we got that
out of the way upfront.
Catcher in the Rye was also pretty awful.
If your excuse for not reading my profile is that it's too long,
please don't bother to message me. I can smell your bullshit form
letter from a mile away.
Now that we've got those vitals out of the way, my name is Kait.
I'm twenty-two years old. INFJ. I'm working two jobs until I can
afford to go back to school to study secondary education and
literacy. I'm shooting for the upcoming fall.
My personality tab makes me look like a great, big dick- I really
do appreciate romance, I don't live in filth, and I'm not a fucking
I have pretty poor facial recognition. With that in mind, if I view
your profile more than once, I swear I'm not stalking you, I just
didn't recognize your photo while I was browsing people.
I could wipe the floor with you at Rampage on N64.
I look at my dog the way I imagine parents look at their children.
Get on board with it, or move along. On that note, I don't trust
anybody who doesn't like animals.
I value ambition. No job/schooling/plans? No fucking thank you. I
also value a sense of humor, bookishness, sarcasm, and so on. Bonus
points for tattoos and ties. Even more bonus points for someone
more than four inches taller than me. It's a bummer to have to
surrender some of my heels when I'm dating somebody short. Not the
end of the world, though.
I realize this profile may seem a bit abrasive, but I'm actually
quite sweet most of the time. It's just that- at least as a woman-
if you're here long enough, you sort of get an accumulation of
messages from assholes and it hardens you a bit, at least up
Last but not least- I'm really not the slightest bit interested in
casual sex. Please, for the love of all that is good in the world,
send your dick pics elsewhere.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working two jobs. Saving up for school. Waiting for a mad man in a
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Listening, baking, swearing, sarcasm, and other such miscellany.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Eyes, tattoos, and if we're being honest, probably boobs. Or maybe
my sternum piercing, which still kind of goes hand in hand with
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I read like it's my job. The only thing I can't read is
anything self-help related. I've never been huge on sci-fi/fantasy,
either. But I'll give almost anything a chance if it's well
Television: Doctor Who, Supernatural, Sherlock Jeopardy, Top Gear,
Adventure Time, Family Guy, South Park, Face Off, American Horror
Story, Mythbusters, Dexter, Rick and Morty, Walking Dead, Boy Meets
World, Golden Girls, Bob's Burgers, Regular Show.
Movies: My favorite movie of all time is Stand By Me. Haven't seen
it? Go watch it, you might like it. Oddly enough, it's a drama, but
my heart belongs to the horror genre. Comedy and action are good
too, but spare me the Baysplosions.
Music: I love variety. No country or opera, but just about
everything else is good with me.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Books, music, my dog, my friends, thunderstorms, and fist bumps
culminating in explosion gestures and sound effects.
Can I just add that it drives me up a wall when somebody includes
things like food (unless you're a chef, I guess), water, and oxygen
in this section? Get a fucking personality.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Seriously, everything. My mind goes a mile a minute all day long,
and it keeps going while I try to sleep.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Working, having a Netflix marathon, or out at a slightly less rowdy
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have an obscene lip tattoo. If you can guess what it is, I'll
give you a dollar, a hug, or a high five; your choice.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-You can sustain a real conversation.
-You can come up with a more interesting opener than, "Hey, what's
up? You have really pretty eyes." While the compliment is
appreciated, it's terribly unoriginal.
-Your profile doesn't have a winking emoticon anywhere on it.
-This section of your profile doesn't contain the expression, "I
don't bite... hard," in any of its forms.
-You understand that the "friendzone" is a myth. Seriously, I'm
going to expand on this simply by saying that if you do believe in
the friendzone, and you message me anyway to make your case, I will
kindly remind you to pick up your fedora and not let the door of
every intelligent female on the planet hit you in the ass on the
-You enjoy debate.
-You know how to make a good cup of coffee (light and sweet,
-You can name at least three serial killers off the top of your
-You dig women with tattoos and stretched earlobes.
-You want to teach me an unusual skill. Let's start with sword
Also, just as a disclaimer, I'm no size zero, so you should be okay
with that. Skinny women are totally cool, I'm just not one of them.
Just a head's up since I know a few extra pounds isn't everybody's
cup of tea.
Who are you looking for?
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