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Count_Jackula

37 Brooklyn, NY Man

Man

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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 28–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Aug 7
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism, but not too serious about it
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from law school
Status
Single
Offspring
Doesn’t want kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm Greek/Irish, the last of my kind. We no longer inter-breed, because we're afraid to create a race too lazy to drink.

I was a bad kid, so I make up for it by being a terrible adult.

My therapist said I should try to improve on my drinking habit. So I bought a new ice-maker.

Why don't I want kids? Because I can piss myself and vomit all over the floor just fine on my own.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck? About 700 square feet, actually.*

Are you still reading this? That makes one of us.

I don't go to strip clubs. If I wanted to give money to a woman who refused to have sex with me, I'd be married.

A lot of girls think that fighting for veterans' rights and representing poor people in court is sexy. Then they see me using coupons at McDonald's.

The mustache picture: yeah, I lost a bet. But its sexy as fuck, so I left it up.

I would rather be gang-raped by elephants than watch five minutes of reality television. Seriously.

Sorry, nostalgia, but the 90's sucked.

I have a black cat, which is problematic. Not because of the bad luck, but because I'm in the Ku Klux Klan.

Did you hear about the new dinosaur? It bred itself to extinction by having offspring it couldn't care for. They're calling it, "Premarital Rex."

I found out one of my exes had an embarrassing and controversial medical procedure, so I blackmailed her. Now, she's accusing me of partial-birth extortion.

Yeah, yeah. Puns are the lowest form of humor. But testicular cancer is the lowest form of tumor.

Now, some of you might be thinking, "C'mon, Dan. You can do worse than that." But really, I can't.

*When digging a burrow, a woodchuck will remove about 700 square feet of earth by scraping with it's front paws and throwing (or chucking) the earth behind it. If we substitute wood chips or sawdust for earth, we can approximate an answer to the age-old riddle.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Stalking the old-folks' home in a clown suit.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cunnilingus. No, seriously; ask my mom.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My lack of pants.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
My favorite book is, "Fifty Shades of Hay," an erotic tale of violence and domination between two horses.

My favorite movie is, "Raping Private Ryan."

My favorite show is, "Game of Boners."

My favorite music is whatever is playing on the speakers at Wal-Mart.

My favorite food is Ethiopian, but not the modern Euro-fusion bullshit you'll pay too much for on the Lower East Side. I go for the traditional fare, like shiro or sebhe beghe. Seriously. I wouldn't joke about that.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Cunnilingus
Video games
Scotch whiskey
NPR
Every other kind of whiskey
Bacon (Kevin)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to be less mature and more offensive.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Sewing a Ku Klux Klan costume for my black cat, just to fuck with him.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Secrets and lies! It’s always SECRETS AND LIES!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You don't take OKC too seriously. And don't bother "liking" me; I'll never pay the fee required to see it.