A girl then comes along, twirling a parasol on her shoulder and twirling slightly also her rounded hips..."
I'm Sal. Put down that umbrella for a second. What's that? Parasol? No, it's an umbrella. Um-bre-lla. And what the hell are you doing with your hips? Stop doing that, it's weird. And now your eyes are darting around like crazy. God, I always end up stopping the weird ones...
Anyway, here's some stuff you should know about me, umbrella lady.
1. I'm 5'11 and refuse to acknowledge this 5'10 and three quarters business that my doctor keeps telling me.
2. Optimists say the glass is half full; pessimists say it's half empty. Personally, I say the glass is completely full — half with water, half with air. I like to think this means I'm a realist. But mostly it just means I'm not invited to parties.
3. Texan girls are cute and can be fun, but it's hard to find women of substance. I'm hoping there are one or two hiding out on here.
4. I really love it when a girl runs her fingers through my chesthair. I know, it sounds weird, but if you had chesthair you'd fucking love it too, so don't judge.
5. Sometimes I can be pretty pensive. I suspect I have the soul of a 60 year old man. I know what you're thinking — "wow, he must be really mature, that's kinda sexy."
Shut up and get off my lawn.
6. I can be a bit of a flirt. But I'm really good at it. One flirt from me is as good as, like, three or four normal flirts.
7. INTP a.k.a the architect — talk to me about philosophy, neuroscience, physics, psychology, art, language, literature, chicken, the world. Brains are hot. Have them.
8. When it comes down to it, I guess what I'm really looking for is a reason to clean my bathroom.