Sometimes I have to wonder, looking over the last almost 25 years, whether my life has been good or bad. There have been so many things that can be considered good and bad. Mom died when I was four, but the only REALLY bad thing that came from it was my Dad falling apart. I can't say my life was bad, though many say I suffered a great deal. Yes, I've lost a lot of loved ones in my life. But for all that my family is a tad messed up, they're still there. I still have them, while many are left with nothing. I have my health, for the most part, the epilepsy is behaving right now, but it does have it's moments of being a pain. But it also taught me a lot, and prepared me for situations I might otherwise have panicked in. Or at the very least, not known what to do. I got pregnant during a month with a guy I thought loved me. But over that month I discovered what he was really like, and although a bit hurt at being sent home because he felt we needed space, I was happy because I hated the way he treated the horses, and I hated the way he started to treat me. Though he did have moments that I thought would redeem him. When I found out I was pregnant, I hadn't planned on telling him. I also hadn't planned on holding my son, knowing as I did that I would have to give him up. But I'm glad I did get to hold him. I'm glad that I got to meet the adopted parents 2 hours before the c-section. He is my most cherished "creation" I suppose you could call him. And I also notified his Father, knowing what I did of my Mother's own tragic ending. She found out she was adopted while she was dying from breast cancer, but her biological father hadn't told his family about her, and so when she tried to contact him... he wouldn't meet her. And so she died not knowing her Father. I couldn't have that happen to my son, so I told him. Strange creature, my son's Father. He actually expected me to visit for a week, with no guarantee that he would keep his hands off me. I didn't want to lose another child, so I refused. And don't worry readers, my two favorite horses there avenged me. Diablo (a fiesty paint horse) and Midnight Maiden (his fiesty black daughter through a black mare named Jade) both broke his ribs. They also both got sold so I'm relieved. I hope they're at better places. Though I would have gladly taken Diablo off his hands. Ah well. Cest la vie. ((no I do not speak any language other than english...))