R: Alright… what’s my self-summary?
M: what does that mean?
R: like a summary… how would you describe me?
M: I don’t know. You’re a chiller.
W: Yeah—duhhh.
R: Seriously? I have to say “chiller?”
M: what’s wrong with “chiller?” You ARE a chiller.
R: Yeah but… out of context it’s gonna sound like I hang out with the most bro-ass dudes, now.
W: Oh, yeah… maybe. Just change it to something else.
R: I can’t. He already said it. It’s down now.
M: You’re seriously writing everything?
R: Yeah, that’s what I said.
W: Ssssssssssssiiiq.
M: This sucks. Now I have to edit myself.
R: No, dude. That’s the point.
W: Can we read it when we’re done?
R: Sure.
W: Awwwesome… what were we talking about again?
R: I don’t even remember… “Self-summary”
M: You’re a chiller… that SUMS it.
R: Fine. Jesus. Can you at least explain what a ‘chiller’ is then?
W: Yeah, you know… you’re like… Laid back, easy to hang with. Chwahh. (??)
M: And you’re funny, annnnnnnnnd easy to talk to about shit. Plus, we can watch Netflix all day.
W: --and jucrunzzi.
R: Aw. Thanks guys. Next we have…

R: What am I doing with my life?
W: You’re a writer.
R: Yeah. Screenwriter.
W: Yeah, that’s what I meant.
M: Don’t you have something getting made?
R: What?? No—or well.. I mean, it’s in the works, but these kinds of things always fall through.
W: Naw, dude. You’ll make it. There’s like no doubt in my mind it's gonna be successful.
R: Heh… Well, I’ll keep trying at the very least. Next is…

R: …What am I really good at?
W: uhh—
M: --Chilling.
R: (sigh) noted. Thank you.
W: You’re good at writing, and like board games and shit.
M: You’re also good at talking to chicks at parties.
R: Uhh... I guess, though I don’t think I’d be here if that were the case.
M: Yeah—wait. Why are you on here?
R: Because we keep going to parties and meeting people and they suuuuck. Why not just scope ‘em out before even talking to them. Plus… whatever. I’ll try it.
W: I did one of these too, for a while.
M: Holy shit. Yeah, you did.
R: Why’d you stop again?
W: I don’t know. I got grinder… way easier.
R: But you don’t get dates on grinder, do you?
W: No, you just fuck chesty dudes. It’s the best.
M: Were there no chesty dudes on Okcupid?
W: Not enough.
R: Well, luckily I’m not really looking for dudes, so...
W: If only there was a grinder for like JUST hot dads.
M: Yeah, it’s called Wholefoods.
R: Wait, what the fuck are we talking about? This is supposed to be my profile.
W: Oh shit! Whoops.
M: What was the question again?
R: Doesn’t matter… let’s just go to the next one.

R: What’s the first thing people usually notice about me?
M: Your beards.
R: My ‘beards,’ multiple?
M: …
W: You have nice eyes. The girls in our group say you do.
R: …Are you coming on to me?
W: What? Ew. No.
R: You can’t say “Ew,” about me in my own profile.
W: Cwhaa ((??)). Whoops. Derr ((??)).

R: What are my favorite books, music, movies, tv shows and food?
M: How the fuck are we supposed to know?
R: Alright, wait. This one, I can handle. Books?... I guess I’m kind of a graphic novel guy.
M: You loaned me Y: The Last Man, that was pretty good.
R: Yeah… Hmmm.. but real book-wise?... God, I don’t know… I feel like I’ve started a lot, but they all just sucked. What was the last good thing I read?... World War Z? God—I sound like such a geek. Comics and zombies? Ugh!
W: …You work at a Barnes & Nobles.
R: I know. I’m terrible.
M: Whatever. Fuck books. Let’s do music. Third Eye Blind.
R: Third Eye Blind: of course, my first band. Umm… quickly ranting… Modest Mouse, At the Drive In, Cursive, Bright Eyes, Blood Brothers, Why?, Baths of course…
W: Derr.
R: Ummm, I’m digging Braids a lot right now. Also a lot of atmospheric roadtrip stuff… chill-wave electronica. I guess mostly indie stuff though.
M: What about Yes Means No?
R: Oh God… yeah, sure.
M: What?? You guys were awesome. I still listen to you guys sometimes.
R: Thanks, dude.
W: What’s the next question?
M: We still have to do movies.
W: Oh yeah.
R: Well, first obviously… Misery. Kathy Bates kills it. But I don’t know… I like a lot of movies… from art house to mainstream stuff, minus transformers.
M: Minus the Bear.
R: Yes, great. Not a movie, but still great. TV shows… well, Breaking Bad, duh… Umm, Sherlock, Downton Abbey, Luther… Shameless… uh..
W: Buffy.
R: Eh… sure, I guess.
W: What?? You didn’t like Buffy??
R: No, I it was good… I’m just not sure I liked it as much as you guys. There were some great episodes, but a LOT of filler between them.
M: Dude… ‘The Body??’ Fucking awesome.
R: Fine. Yes. You’re right. Buffy.
M: Naw, don’t put it if you don’t want to. Fuuck you.
R: Annnnnnyway. Food. Ummm… I like to eat it--I don’t know. Food’s food. I eat everything… I guess Asian tends to be the best.
W: Chesty Asian dads… fuuuuck yeah.
M: Jesus, dude.

R: Next… What are six things I can never do without?
M: Hot chicks.
R: God damn you. That’s not—no.
M: What? I mean like to look at.
R: I know what you mean. That’s not good for a dating profile.
M: Fine, how about to kiss?
R: Sure. Fine. #1: Hot chicks to kiss. #2:…?
W: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhiPhone.
R: It’s not shallow to have my iphone be one of the six things I could never live without?
W: Fuck no, dude. iPhones are the best!
R: I’ve only had one for like a month.
W: Yeah, and how much better is your life now? Without that blackberry garbage.
R: Alright… good point. iPhone. Number 3:… Instruments for writing. Or, just anything to write with. Number 4--
M: --The love of a breathing child.
W: Christ, Mario. Dark.
R: Uh… Dogs.. ‘Cause dogs are the best.
W: How many is that? 5?
R: Yeah… I think so. So last but not least… my friends.
W/M: Dawwwww. Sweet. What’s next?

R: What do I spend a lot of time thinking about?
M: Skyrim.
W: Duuuuude. Skyrim.
R: ...Skyrim.

R: On a typical Friday Night, I am…
W: Netflix.
M: Kissing.
W: Tweeting about Jucrunzzis.
M: Tweeting about Tweeting.
R: Alright… wow. Lot of good answers. But yeah… chances are, I’m either hanging with our friends or off writing somewhere. Maybe taking in a movie either in a theater or yes, via the Netflix. Sweet. Got it. Next is…

R: What is the most private thing I’m willing to admit about myself… hmmm……..
M: Didn’t you once like have sex with some girl in the back of your dad’s store?
R: Seriously?! THAT’S what we’re going to lead with?
W: Ugh. Yeah… it’s not even an embarrassing thing. It’s just an inappropriate one.
M: Fine. Uhh…
R: Nope. That’s it now. Great. Moving on…

R: …You should Message me if…?
M: They want to date? I don’t get it… why the hell else would someone message you?
R: No. no. People put parameters like… if you’re not the kind of guy who gets scared of whales and stuff—I don’t know.
W: How about: You should message me if… you’re excited for your life to get waaaaay better.
R: How about: You should message me if you’d ever like to join a conversation like this one… or better yet, start our own? Smiley face.
W: ooooh.. That’s classy. Nice.
M: Suave, dude.
R: Well… we’ll see if it works.