I love learning. I can find something interesting about pretty much anything, and I always feel the most comfortable with people who are also really curious about the world around them. Not that everyone needs to be a walking encyclopedia, but I've always believed that the more you know, the more interesting you are. Even if you only know really profoundly stupid things. I once tried to figure out if it was a coincidence that Batman's and Superman's mothers were both named "Martha," so I'm really not picky about this.

Also, I just met a girl named "Jing Li," which will probably still amuse me years from now.

Job-wise, I print stamps for a living, which is my secret weapon for getting awkward silences while I'm being introduced to people. If there's ever an emergency situation with flashing lights and screaming where you need dead silence and everyone's rapt attention, just shout that you print stamps for a living, and I swear that everything but the crickets will freeze. And then everyone will say "...huh."

Self-wise, I've really been trying to take control of my life and make it everything I want it to be. My patience with wasting my own time has run out, so I've become a lot more goal-oriented and I'm always looking for new ways to increase my productivity and drive. I am a fan of productivity blogs.

And to-do lists. Lots and lots of to-do lists.

Making my own fun.

Making Mexican chili.

Running jokes into the ground.

Flirting with old ladies.

Walking three times faster than everyone I'm with.

Singing quietly to myself in falsetto far more than anyone who was never a member of the Bee Gees ever should.

Survey says:

Michelle: "You're tall, you have great hair and mysterious eyes"

Matt: "I don't know. You'd have to ask 'people.' Why are you asking?"

Jen: "Hmmm... tall. Well-mannered."

Dave: "1. You're always dressed up 2. Taller in person! 3. Dry humor"

Jerome: "You're tallish, well-dressed, and... you're white?"

Kristen: "Strikingly handsome. Your height. Your retro demeanor."

Jeff: "Height. Eyes. Classic look."

I should note that all of my friends are actually four feet tall or shorter. Furthermore, I have no idea what Dave's #2 means.

Books: I've read everything Raymond Chandler ever wrote, and I have a soft spot for old pulp novels. Hammett, Bradbury, Hellman, Fitzgerald, Dorothy Parker, Robert Benchley, and Joseph Campbell; Hemingway now, and Murakami later. I just finished a biography of Teddy Roosevelt, who was briefly famous in the early 20th century for bearing a striking resemblance to a mountain. Then there's "Atlas Shrugged," which I keep NOT reading because I always imagine that Ayn Rand looks like Ma Fratelli from "The Goonies." Try to get through 1,200 pages with that image in your head. Here, I made you a visual reference.

Movies: I'll watch pretty much anything, but I love classic movies, film noir especially, and "Out of the Past" is my favorite. I also love old monster movies, and drive-in flicks, too. And: Singin' in the Rain, Reefer Madness (the musical), Until the End of the World, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein, Inglourious Basterds, Casablanca, Marx Bros. films, Biloxi Blues, Kicking and Screaming (the Noah Baumbach one), One Crazy Summer, Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle, FAQ About Time Travel, New Waterford Girl. I leave no room in my life for Adam Sandler movies that are not "The Wedding Singer."

TV: "The Soup" is the greatest show on television. Also, "Psych." Also, I don't have cable, and my TV set picks up about as many over-the-air broadcasts as my stapler. Also also, I've become weirdly obsessed with "21 Jump Street." OBSESSED, I tell you.

Music: Cab Calloway, Metric, Beirut, the Bird and the Bee, Kathleen Edwards, TV on the Radio, Stars, Devotchka, Magnetic Fields, Sia, French Kicks, Morphine, Cat Power, Luna, Rev. Horton Heat, David Byrne, I just realized my iPod's artist list is alphabetized ABCDEFGHIJABRPMPGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, Wilco, the Replacements, Westerberg, pretty much any Canadian music. And when I'm not feeling like any of those, I'll go for 1920s and '30s popular music and band stuff, which makes my life sound like an old cartoon.

Lately I've been pulling out what my father refers to as "God's music," which is everything from doo-wop through Motown: the Platters, Temptations, Sam Cooke, Four Tops, Drifters. And I will sing along with any of these, badly, even if I don't know the words. Probably especially if I don't know the words.

Food: Mexican food is my favorite, although I'm always willing to try anything, and I've had a taste for chicken pad Thai lately. Cooking is pretty much my new favorite thing and hardly anything pleases me more than preparing a large meal for friends, but if you want to try my contest-winning* Mexican chili, you will have to at some point be subjected to the Mexican Hat Dance; it's pretty basically mandatory. I'm also thinking about becoming a vegetarian again, although the last time I succeeded in vegetarianism, I failed at not-becoming-skeletal.

All right, fine, I watched every episode of "Tool Academy." WHAT OF IT

1. Old time radio.
2. Wonderful terrible jokes.
3. Batman.
4. Books.
5. Curiosity.
6. Showers.

The 1930s. What I want to do next in my life. Gene Gene the Dancing Machine. That my childhood dreams were learning how to moonwalk and holding hands with Punky Brewster. Getting rid of life clutter. Halloween. That movie about the French kid and the sentient red balloon that stalks him through the streets of Paris. That putting exclamation points after every task on a to-do list makes my day seem much more exciting. Illustration and writing and building small art projects. Solitude. Hilarious puns. That I'm barred from running for public office in the US. What would happen if I left my Chapstick in my pants pocket while I washed them. How to make myself a better person. Perfecting the Boboli. And most importantly, why the hell does everyone keep calling me "Mark"? My name is not Mark.

...probably having dinner and drinks with friends, holed up in my apartment reading, helping old women cross the street, tearfully picking litter up off the highways, avenging my ninja master, or chopping down forests with my blue ox Babe.

Or, you know, FIGHTING CRIME.

I'm more serious-minded than this profile might suggest; sometimes I just take time off from the world and go into solitude for long stretches.

(SPEAKING OF WHICH, I just found an online forum devoted to hermits. It's a place where people who do not want to interact with other people can go to interact with people who also do not want to interact with others. I really don't know how the internet can get any better.)

...you are someone who is kind and compassionate at least 60% of the time. I've dated enough women to know that that's actually pretty rare these days. I mean, one wouldn't even take me to the hospital after she stabbed me. What's up with THAT?

If you've got the compassion and kindness down, you should send me a message if you're also intelligent and witty and sweet. If you're up for my endless cooking experiments, which I swear will no longer include cinnamon pizza. If you're curious about the world. If you know how old Jack Benny is. If you don't mind occasionally staying in on weekends and watching movies and TV and listening to music and cooking and slow-dancing and drinking wine by ourselves, although not all of these things at the same time. Because, frankly, if you can do all that at once you're probably out of my league and should be on some sort of reality TV show.

I also feel I should mention that I am an unabashed romantic, including (but not limited to) flowers, dinners, candles, funny poems, drawings, drawings of flowers, poems about dinners, and dinners about candles. If you're the type of girl that appreciates these things and the effort that goes into them in the same sense that you might appreciate getting a really ugly sweater from your aunt, we may make great pals, but will likely not work on other levels.

Note: IM me at your own risk, 'cause about 99.9% of the time I'm either too busy at work to talk or I simply don't see it until it's way too late to reply.

Extra credit for anyone that's actually read the entirety of my novella-length profile. I ought to trim this.