Impress me with your witty comments and entertaining banter...I like to be given crap and you better be able to take it in return cause I am a crap giver
****If you send me a message with your phone number in it and that's it chances are I AM NOT GOING TO CALL OR TEXT YOU...sorry but that's not how I roll...I would like to actually talk to you before I give you my number or decide that I want yours.....ALSO, I am not interested in having phone or video sex with you...so don't message me asking if I wanna see your webcam or some other sleezy message***
If your pictures are of your car....I will assume you're a transformer...if they are all of group shots and you make no attempt to point out which one is you, I will assume you are the ugly one.
I was born a poor black child. At the age of 7, I patented my first time machine. It ran off the paranoia of McCarthyism. Once that blew over, I had to move on to other ventures. That took me to the pacific northwest where I tried to get in touch with nature. A few things happened and I decided to write my memoirs and sell the movie rights. The film was released under the title First Blood and I was played by a midget. Bored with nature, I eventually took up being a virtuoso tambourine player. I was asked to be part of the Scorpion's traveling band for the Monsters of Rock tour, but unfortunately I was asked to leave after I told the keyboard player from Bon Jovi he looked like a poodle and tried to set him up with my cousin's Pomeranian. Down on my luck, I turned to an unhealthy catnip addiction and wound up doing some regrettable things for money. In hindsight, I justify my actions by telling myself it was only a few flipper babies and most of them lived very productive lives as sports mascots. That pretty much brings me to current times.
Occasionally, I stop, but only to sleep. I’ve ridden a tractor, taught etiquette classes, been Captain Morgan, coordinated fashion shows. I don’t litter. I’m not a picky eater. I’ve never found it difficult to make people laugh. Single-handedly, I can fix just about anything using only duct tape and bailing wire. I prefer to travel with only a passport and a backpack. My musical appreciation spans many decades and cultures. I have a Top Secret Security Clearance and have engineered secure communications for the presidential motorcade. I’ve shopped for fashions in Milan, dove the shipwrecks of Bermuda and even eaten from street carts in the border towns of Mexico. On weekends, to let off steam, I take long road trips. I do my own decorating and pick out my own clothes. Children and animals trust me, idiots. While surfing, I narrowly escaped a shark attack. I can maneuver mountain bikes up severe inclines with unflagging speed. I recycle. Critics swoon over my deft floral arrangements. I woo audiences with my Texas country music, I've picked the trifecta and I cook my own meals. I've been a body builder, a modeling instructor, a country dance teacher and an acting coach but I can't seem to find my soul mate.
****First and foremost...I have 3 girls...if that is a problem you should move on...family is very important to me so if you have kids that is fine...but you must enjoy playing with them and doing things with them...I enjoy my time with my kids...looking for someone that feels the same way. They are 14, 15 and 18...well behaved and I'm not just saying that.
I am a huge fan of outside...rather than "lets sit on our butts" don't get me wrong, I enjoy downtime but I would rather be outside doing outside things....4 wheeling, boating, motorcycle riding, playing catch, camping, going to arts festivals, museums, pushing my kid in a baby swing (yes I know she is 18 but its funny)...ya know stuff...all of my kids live with me so you have to be prepared for crazy.