I'm spontaneous, impatient, and a cocky jerk. I open car doors and pull out chairs at dinner, but then I make you pick up the bill. I stare at other chicks when we walk past them at the mall. I'll probably forget your birthday.

But I'm a real person with a real job and my mom thinks I'm a sweet boy.

I'm still trying to learn how to do a backflip. Something about going over backwards freaks me out. I think I'm going to have to teach myself in the air, which means I'll have to get certified for solo sky dives. Wanna join me?

I've also got several interests that don't always overlap; I'm trying to be an asset to humanity, a good father, and make a buck or three in the process. It's a delicate process to be a capitalist and NOT be a pig. I think I do okay.

Honestly, I feel that I've done well in two of those categories so far...now I'm trying to leave a positive legacy I suppose. To be remembered well is all we can hope to achieve in life.

Hmm...what would a chick like to hear???

I love giving full-body massages with no expectations of sexual returns.

I'm also really good at playing video games and completely neglecting your womanly needs. Also, if you're the type who put "Everything" as your answer in this box, you need to go back and edit your answer to say "Everything except creating a witty dating profile."

I smell terrific. Seriously.

That's a whole bunch of multi-tasking. I prefer to do all of these separately.

1) Hygiene Gear
2) My senses
3) Some sort of game or competition
4) My son/family
5) Freedom in all forms
6) Food/Water

All of the above, though not necessarily in that order

You know that scene in Saturday Night Fever where John Travolta is sportin the pimp walk down the street? Well that's what I'm doing on a typical Friday night....in the same suit.

In fourth grade, I got a skateboard over the summer, and was all psyched to ride it to school on the first day of classes.

Halfway there, I flipped and landed in dog poop.

That's all I have to say about that...

Since most of my profile is a goof, I figured I should be sincere in this part.

I'm truly looking for someone who wants to get to the end of the line, look back, and have zero regrets because we squeezed every drop of juice out of life. I want someone who isn't afraid. I don't just want to exist....I want to attack life and love it, and I want someone to navigate with me.

I want to travel the world, help people, volunteer, learn foreign languages and customs, and play the perfect game of cornhole. All in the same year.

If you're good at ping pong and enjoy playing it. If you snow ski and/or are wanting to learn. If you like broadening your horizons by seeking adventures, even if they're of the intellectual variety.

You should NOT message me if you can't take a joke, are shallow or superficial, or if you judge people without knowing them. I'm pretty sure you're shallow; you're on OKC...prove me wrong.

Another thing that, after months of seeing it on countless profiles, bothers me: if you profile is full of things you DON'T like, you're far too negative for my tastes. Focus on the good, not the bad. I mean, you need to realize that when quality, eligible men read your negative profile, the overall vibe is just a glimpse into listening to the fat, 48-year-old version of you bitching at us for leaving the toilet seat up....

Oh, and if you've ever wanted to start and build a successful company of your own and share that journey with your better half, DEFINITELY send me a message!

Whatever happens to any of us on here, I wish you nothing but happiness and success in your search :)